(Closed) F/U to inviting mom's boyfriend's kids I am PISSED

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

@Penelopeee:  It’s your wedding right? That means that YOU get to decide who to invite and who not to invite.  It has nothing to do with her new relationship and who is important to her; she can invite those people to her own wedding, or to dinner, or whatever.  You’re only responsible for making yourself happy.  Her feelings are her own responsibility.

Post # 18
Member
1760 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Kick her to the curb. Sorry it sounds harsh but she’s already attended and practically RULED on one of your wedding already. She isn’t ‘required’ at the second one.

Post # 21
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My opinion maybe a tad biased but I would tell her. “You and your boyfriend are invited period. Do not concern yourself with who else I am inviting, am not inviting. That is my concern not yours. You do not get a plus one. The names of the people invited will be listed on the invitation. All you need to do is check accepts with pleasure or decline with regret. It isnt that hard If you are going to be a drama llama I will recind the invitation all together.”

I am biased because I have zero tolerance for drama and am seriously considering not inviting family at all. I live far away from family. It is inconvenient for them to travel and last time my mom caused all kinds of drama. My family never calls me, I have to call them so I am kind of at the point of questioning whether I should cut close friends for people who are so periphally {sp?} involved in my life.

My opinion is drama = uninvited.

Post # 22
Member
802 posts
Busy bee

@strawbabies:  +1

Tell her this whole issue is making you exhaustipated and that you’re just inviting her and her boyfriend and that is it.

Post # 23
Member
481 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Jeeze oh Pete this is YOUR wedding.

Tell her the kids are not invited.

Tell her your former step dad is.

Tell her to get on the train and be happy for you and Fiance or don’t come at all.

What you do for YOUR wedding should not have ANY bearing on her relationship with her boyfriend.

I need a cocktail after reading this thread. 😉

Seriously.  You are 34.  You said she controlled the first wedding.  Don’t let her do it again.  I know it is easy for all of us bee’s to drop advice while you are the one living it. However, take it from a 40 year old encore bride . . . 

I too let family run my first wedding.  I am not about to let that happen again.  I’ve had to put my foot down about a couple things.  People got bent. So what.  I am going to look back on this wedding and smile.

You want to look back on your wedding in Mexico and smile, right?  Follow your heart.

Good luck!

Post # 24
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m going to be the only person on here to say this, but here ‘goes.

If I were you, I would just invite the kids to avoid drama. Invite your step-father because it’s your wedding and you want him there (your mom shouldn’t get a veto there). But, IMO, if you’re looking to avoid drama, letting her invite two people that probably won’t pay to come to a Destination Wedding is, I think, your best bet.

I’d sit her down and explain to her, in no uncertain terms, that she is absolutely not to invite anyone else, but that you will invite the kids. Otherwise this will likely turn into a major fight and there will be lingering resentment for god knows how long. On your wedding day, you will just be happy to be marrying the love of your life. I highly doubt their presence could, in any way, spoil that for you.

ETA: I don’t think your mom was in the right, like at all. That’s way out of line. I’m just taking the standpoint of “what is going to make your life the easiest, given that she’s already done this.”

Post # 25
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

@Penelopeee:  

1.  I am intentionally causing problems with her and her boyfriend’s relationship

2.  I am a heartless selfish bitch to not include the daughter that she is close with as she thinks of her as “family”



I would tell your mom:

1. You are causing problem with your own daughter and FI’s relationship.

2. You are being a heartless bitch to value your “boyfriend’s” daughter over your real daughter, and how dare you think of your BF’s daughter on the same level as your real daughter!

Post # 26
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

@Penelopeee:  

1.  I am intentionally causing problems with her and her boyfriend’s relationship

2.  I am a heartless selfish bitch to not include the daughter that she is close with as she thinks of her as “family”



I would tell your mom:

1. You are causing problem with your own daughter and FI’s relationship.

2. You are being a heartless bitch to value your “boyfriend’s” daughter over your real daughter, and how dare you think of your BF’s daughter on the same level as your real daughter!

Post # 28
Member
758 posts
Busy bee

I’d tell your mom at the end of the day, when you’re about to get the hell out of dodge, that the kids aren’t invited. Then you won’t get any nasty glares at the dinner table. 🙂

Post # 29
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

Just as an added point – her relationship with her boyfriend mustn’t be very strong if his kids not coming to your wedding is going to ruin it. If she does try that angle, maybe point out that she needs to take responsibility for any problems in her relationship rather than trying to arbitrarily blame them on you.

Post # 31
Member
2405 posts
Buzzing bee

@AdriannaJean:  I COMPLETELY agree with this.

I think in this case it would be worth it to “buy” your mother’s happiness at having her BF’s kids in exchange for you inviting you ex-step dad. Think of it from the kids’ POV; in ten years, your mom and her BF could still be together, and the kids would be your step-siblings living with the knowledge that their very cool, glamorous step-sister either did or didn’t invite them to her amazing wedding in another country.

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