(Closed) F/U to inviting mom's boyfriend's kids I am PISSED

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 48
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

If your mother wants her boyfriend’s children at a wedding b/c she feels they are family, then they can come to HER wedding when she marries their father. Her feeling as though they are family has NOTHING to do with you or your wedding.

Send out invitations to the people you want there. Period. If she’s mad, she’s mad.

I dealt with a much milder case of this when Future Mother-In-Law wanted all of these extra people at our wedding b/c they were important to her, although my fiance probably hadn’t seen these people in a decade or more. She herself is engaged and we told her she can invite whoever she wants to her wedding, and we’ll be in charge of our own guest list.

Good luck with this.

Post # 50
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Penelopeee:  You don’t need to tell them anything. Tell your mother to put her big girl panties on and sort it out herself. If the daughters show up, just decline them from attending then, and let them know it was because your mother declined to tell them herself. 

Maybe it’s the vodka talking though, lol.

Post # 51
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee

@Penelopeee:  I would tell her she needs to back the F off. Invite your dad, that’s crazy not to. You need to stand up for yourself

Post # 52
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 1994

@Penelopeee:  Just tell them they are not invited and make sure your mom is there when you do. Be brief and to the point “sorry plans changed and you didn’t make the cut”  they aren’t 5 year old children they should be able to understand. Good luck with whatever you choose to do and enjoy your wedding. 🙂

Post # 54
Member
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Penelopeee:  If you never told your mom that her bf’s kids were invited then she had no right to invite them. Tell her that she made the faux pas and therefore she is responsible for fixing it. Be clear that you love her and want her to celebrate with you but do not have any intention of calling a person you barely no, whom you did not invite to tell them they are not invited. You simply will not be making that call and you will be sending invitations on a set date to the people you DID invite. If she chooses to decline to come to her ACTUAL daughter’s wedding because SHE made a mistake with her boyfriend’s daughter, that is her choice. You get to choose who is invited to your wedding and she gets to choose what kind of a mother she’d like to be. Yay America. 

Post # 55
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Penelopeee:  Awww, what a pity she won’t be getting an invite then. Sad day. Innocent

Seriously, she thinks this is your responsibility how? She invited them, she needs to put on her big girl pants and uninvite them.

Post # 56
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee

Your mother is ridiculous. You have no responsibility to uninvited them because you never invited them in the first place.

Post # 57
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Penelopeee:  You don’t do anything, other than invite mom and the bf.

I doubt the “kids” will have their feelings hurt – does an adult in her early 20s really want to go the wedding of her father’s partner’s daughter??? My mother’s husband’s son married a few years ago. I’ve met him once (at my mother’s wedding). If he invited me, my reaction would have been shock.

And even if their feelings are hurt: they’re adults, they’ll cope.

Your mother told them they were invited. So it’s up to her to tell them they’re not.

Post # 58
Member
938 posts
Busy bee

You are a grown woman, your mother does not “allow” you to do anything. So send her the invitation and tell her to unknot her panties from the wad they are in. And I’d honestly hire security to keep unwanteds out (but then, my family is slightly psycho, so maybe it’s just me). When boyfriend’s kids are escorted out by security, she has to explain why she didn’t warn them they weren’t invited (if not getting an invite doesn’t already tip them off).

Of course, if you’re not as much of a b***h as I am, simply politely message them on Facebook or through email (so there is a record if anyone tries to say you got rude) that there has been a miscommunication and there is unfortunately not room for anyone but the closest of family; you are sorry about any inconvenience, hassle, or hurt feelings and can’t wait to see them at [insert holiday or family gathering here] to catch up. If they aren’t that close to you they probably won’t be offended.

Post # 59
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ForeverBirds:  Your FB solution would be the polite thing to do, if they were FB friends. But OP hardly knows these girls so probably isn’t friends with them on FB. As I see it, it’s not up to her to have the awkward “uninvite” conversation with two girls she hardly knows and didn’t invite herself in the first place.

Post # 60
Member
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Penelopeee:  Send invitations to whomever you want. When they donot receive one, they will get the message. Also, let mom know she is NOT allowed to tell them they can come.

Post # 61
Member
938 posts
Busy bee

@paula1248:   I just kind of assumed they are at least Facebook friends, or close enough for this to be an issue, because anyone who isn’t close would just get the hint when they did not receive an invite.

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