(Closed) "Fuck Off" fund. Do you have one?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 136
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

We don’t have fuck-off funds. We each have our own bank account and then we have a joint bank account.

We are getting married in three months and we’re both still struggling with the whole “what’s mine is yours” thing. For me it’s because I am underemployed and make barely enough to live off of. He doesn’t make a lot of money at his job either and could in no way support both of us on his salary. So neither of us would feel comfortable spending money that was earned by the other person. Is that weird? Like, if I need something, I can’t imagine just going into his wallet so I can have it. Either I need to use my savings or I need to pick up some waitressing shifts or something. 

Post # 137
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

marriedtopizza:  

Not weird at all. Some wise friends told us before our marriage that keeping separate, personal petty cash funds for each other could help us “ease into” the combined finances and pooled resources of marriage. We appreciated that advice and it certainly did the trick.

 

Post # 138
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

leekissesme:  I never heard about a fuck off fund hahahaah – is that really a ‘thing’?

I guess I dont have one specifially for that, or even thought about a fund for a potential divorce, but we do have separate bank accounts and will keep them. we actually only have one joint account and barely use that one. 

Post # 139
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

NFLwidow:  That’s good to hear. We’ve certainly been “easing into” it for several years now, but only in extreme situations. Needless to say, if the other person is in serious trouble, either of us would drop however much money was required to cover them.

Post # 141
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

marriedtopizza:  

Yeah. Us, too. In fact, this hits on one of the “sticking points” about personal funds. If you’re holding an ace or two up your sleeve while “the house” is forced to fold on something, it’s a bit of a gamble to the relationship. jmho

 

Post # 142
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Everyone is making it sound like the only situation where a fuck off fun is really needed are these horrible cases of abuse. I have seen marriage between decent people drag on when they should have ended because one of them felt unprepared financially to leave. It wasted years of their life. Both my Darling Husband and I have our own checking, savings, and credit cards (in addition to our joint checking and savings).

It’s comforting to know that my Darling Husband is with my because he loves being with me, not because he’s worried if he could financially survive without me.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  craftylish.

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