Post # 16
Well no, not really…. all savings are going towards the wedding right now… we got engaged in May, and were barely scraping by… as in we are fed, and bills are paid but there was nothing in the budget to save. Then I started another job at the end of Oct… and then Christmas…. and since Christmas was able to put aside $1.7k and we need a lot more for the wedding… which is in 18months (OMG!!!! 😨 it’s approaching fast!) So all the $$$ is going towards that andnI got no extra $$$ to put aside for any mad money stash not that I’m plannimg to leave or anything. If something drastic happened and we were breaking up… i would keep the $ I saved todate.
Post # 17
leekissesme: well ok our accounts are split like one is for bills (he pays all bills) one is for savings, and one is mine (for groceries, nails, hair, etc)…but we are joint on all of them. So I still get to spend money however I want…I just don’t hide it
Post # 18
Thank you all for being open with your thoughts. Though I feel I am committed I realize that anything could happen. I would hate to find that my partner has completely changed, or even worse turned into a monster and I had no money to safely get away or handle my business.
Post # 19
It’s not a F.O. fund persay, I simply have my own savings (as he has) that isn’t tied to him and we still have joint savings/bill accounts. Absolutely!
If I had a child (male or female) I’d tell them to do the same. To each there own. It’s all great until the day it unexpectendly turns not be in your favor. I won’t be blindsided. Has nothing to do with not trusting your partner enough.
Post # 20
Nope, everything is 100% joint–bank accounts, credit cards, etc. I wouldn’t have married him if I felt I needed a “fuck off” fund.
Post # 21
I mean if you are just dating then I yes have seperate accounts. If you are married then no I think all should be joint – “whats yours is mine and whats mine is yours”…but if you needed an escape, like from an abusive relationship, then I think a good credit card is the answer at least temp.
Post # 22
No, but I manage all of our finances- so he would be the one screwed if things turned sour. We both have stable jobs and both owned homes (we are currently renting his), so realistically neither of us will be ruined if the other left.
Post # 23
leekissesme: I absolutely have one and I think it’s wise of you to get one as well. He doesn’t have to know about it but it’s just good to have.
Post # 24
No but we have separate bank accounts and no plans to change that after we are married. We aren’t doing a prenup so I guess the separate accounts will be moot once we are married anyway, but as a PP said I have a great support system in my parents if anything were to really go south.
In theory I don’t have an issue with a “fuckoff fund” because I think it’s wise to protect yourself, but on the flip side if I found out my Fiance had one I would be hurt.
Post # 25
Nope we share everything 100% there`s no such thing as my money vs his money in our marriage.
Post # 26
you can’t use a credit card he would have access to (and if you’re married,he has access to your credit card) to escape from real abuse where you would be tracked — and that’s if the card wasn’t canceled by him already.
Just FYI since I’ve seen that mentioned a few times.
I have my own money, I had it when we met and he knows all about it. but part of it will stay where it is in a trust left to my mom in case something happens to me, as I am an only child and need to make sure my mom is taken care of.
Post # 27
kp2kc: you bring up a great point. I would not be offended if he had one. Honestly I think it’s wise for everyone to have their own little something just in case the worst happens. Maybe I’m just a weirdo but I have seen and heard of too many women out there with absolutely nothing. It’s very scary. I am going into my marriage with the intent of forever but I can’t forget that sometimes situations don’t end up how you envisioned no matter how much you both tried.
Post # 28
I am going to start one and I will talk to my fiance about it soon.
I expect you will get a lot of the same responses about trust. I don’t think trust has much to do with anything. To trust and to love is amazing. But a “fuck off fund” is when you put your safety first. I’ve never had much of a safety net growing up. While I wouldn’t be homeless and starving, my family wouldn’t be able to do much to get me back on my feet were something to happen. What has made me feel the most secure in life is to know I can take care of myself emotionally and financially. Now I have a loving partner who wants to be my husband I am elated I get to be this person with him and together form a home, whatever that may end up meaning over the course of our lives. In fact, most recently he made sure I got back on my feet after a cross country move and I feel so happy to have someone who will step in when I need him. Yet I still feel so keenly aware of how being together is a choice and people make different choices sometimes…choices that may harm me.
Post # 29
BalletParker: If someone is not an authorized user on a credit card then they cannot cancel it..that is illegal. Even if they are your spouse.
Post # 30
We keep our spending money separate so I have that to myself with a small amount of savings. The bulk of our savings though is joint, but in an account that only I have access to so if anyone needs a fuck off fund it’s him.