(Closed) Full mass for mixed marriage?

posted 6 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I don’t think it’s an automatic “no” but it is generally not done for exactly the reasons you stated.

I would talk openly with your priest and with his family. Of course you will get a blessing if you choose to do a full mass.

As for what it will look like: the Catholic Mass is set up in two parts. The first is the Liturgy of the Word which is when all the readings are done as well as the Homily. Then the second part is the Liturgy of the Eucharist, where the Eucharist is consecrated and community receives it. I believe a mixed wedding would be the wedding parts plus the Liturgy of the Word, whereas a full Catholic wedding would be the wedding bits and the Liturgy of the Word and the Liturgy of the Eucharist.

Post # 4
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My Fiance is converting and we are not doing a full mass. We do not want his family to feel uncomfortable when my side of the aisle takes part in the mass and his whole side cannot. However if it is really important to you and your guests wont feel left out, go for it. 

Post # 6
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@newname_99:  I wouldn’t feel upset about it. I go to Mass every weekend and that’s all I need. I think a marriage should be a celebration of unity and I would feel kind of awkward having a pretty blatant and public display of disunity at my wedding (me taking communion and him not). I mean, of course, different strokes for different folks, but if I were in that position I would likely opt for no communion.

Post # 7
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

My sister is catholic and her husband is not. They were still able to have a full mass because she wanted it and her husband didn’t care! So it’s not an automatic no 🙂 

Post # 9
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just to put in my perspective, I did have a Catholic wedding to a Protestant man and we had full Communion.

I don’t think I ever felt the separation between us as fully as I did in that moment when I took Communion and he didn’t, and this was a man who did terrible, awful, should-be-in-jail things to me after we were married.  I didn’t think it would hit me that hard, or at all really.

It would probably be really different for him, I know a lot of people who didn’t have nearly as severe a reaction or no negative reaction at all to not taking it together, but it just wasn’t good for me.

Post # 10
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m catholic and Fiance is athiest. We’re doing a full mass. As long as your Fiance is comfortable with a full mass, your priest should be ok with it. My priest is giving Fiance a blessing instead of communion so he doesnt feel left out

Post # 11
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Cathedral ceremony, reception in a converted hardware warehouse

We’re also doing the full Mass. I’m Catholic, and taking communion on my wedding day is really important to me. My fiance isn’t Catholic, but knows that I feel very strongly about it and is supporting my needs {wants?}. It sounds like thats what you guys are doing too, and I think it’s incredibly understanding and supportive 🙂

Post # 12
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Miss Gloves:  Us too! We go to Mass each week and I take Communion, he doesn’t. Our wedding will be the same way and he doesn’t care–he said a year ago that he was fine if we had a Mass when we got married even though he was Episcopalian and didn’t plan to convert.  I now know that this is when he had started looking at rings and told his brother/father he was going to propose, so he had put a lot of thought into it. We will receive a blessing and our Priest is wording the invitation to Communion to communicate that Catholics (my Mom’s family and some of our friends) are welcome to take Communion, and others are welcome to come forward for a special blessing. We’re going through all of this to have a Catholic wedding, I’m having Communion! 😉

Post # 13
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’ve been to a wedding where they did a full mass where only the bride was Catholic. To be honest, it was really awkward: the groom was just sitting there while she went up to communion, and then she was knealing and he sat next to her for awhile. 

As others have said, the official reason is that it is divisive to have the first thing you do as a married couple be separate (one receiving communion while the other doesn’t). If it is important to you, you can ask the priest about it, but I would not do that at my wedding. 

Post # 14
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

You can definitely do it so that the priest gives you a blessing instead of communion, and you kneel together, etc. PPs have already covered the reasons why you may want to opt out (if it will make you feel alienated at your own wedding, then that’s an excellent reason to opt out), but if you and your Fiance decide that you want it, you can mitigate the lack of unity by doing those things.

Post # 15
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@newname_99:  My mum wants my FH and I to have a full mass (she also wants a choir, which… nyeh, I’m not sold on), as far as I’m aware it’s okay. But that said, I shared the same worries – that my FH’s family would feel excluded when they’re not allowed to take communion, as they’re all pretty religious, just not Catholic.

Mum seems to think this won’t be a problem, because they’ll be invited up to receive a blessing from the priest, but really all I can do is express my concerns and trust it won’t upset anyone. I’ve asked FH to scope out how his family will feel about it.

That said, the majority of people at our wedding WON’T be taking communion, unless loads of the congregation I don’t know all rock up for the service.

Post # 16
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My fiance is a non-practicing Methodist and I’m a Catholic and we’re having a full mass.

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