(Closed) full mass or not? very catholic mother. help!

posted 8 years ago in Catholic
  • poll: full mass or not?

    have a full mass. it will avoid family drama. screw what your friends think

    do not have a full mass, your friends and FI will be grateful, and mom will get over it

    other: explain.

  • Post # 17
    Member
    780 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    View original reply
    @kimm99:  +1

    Post # 18
    Member
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I agree with KCKnd2.

    Your friends will probably be over it by the time they get to the reception. Your mom may remember for the rest of her life. Especially if there’s no communion and she’s a person who does adoration, the lack of Eucharist might be really upsetting to her.

    Post # 19
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012 - Hacienda los Agaves

    I’ve never heard of catholic wedidng ceremonies that didn’t include a full mass, I guess it’s not a thing here.

    If the full mass is not important to you, talk to your mother, tell her how it’ll be easier to just do the ceremony.

    It’s about you two, being honest your guests must know they’re probably going to a full mass and be prepared for it, even the non-catholic ones, this is nopt something you should think about when considering whether or not having the full mass.

    Would you regret not having one? Would your Fiance regret not having one? This is your marriage ceremony and it should be something you both like and are comfortable with.

    Post # 20
    Member
    1025 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I don’t think it should be about what your family or friends want, or time constraints. I think it should be about if you want to start of your marriage with a celebration of the Eucharist. Breaking bread together and sharing the Eucharistic meal with family was very meaningful to us and a perfect way to start off a marriage founded in God! I know people complain about full masses (really? why would someone complain about someone else’s wedding choices!) but even our most atheist friends didn’t mind the extra 15 minutes. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    899 posts
    Busy bee

    We’ll be having a full mass, largely because of my SO’s very Catholic family. I love his mother and I know it would mean a lot to her. To me, weddings are just as much about family as they are about the couple.

     

    Post # 22
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My mother is very catholic my grandmother even more so. Have this mother of your sit down with a priest. a Ceremony is more common in the church today and my family has been great with it ( I think it is also the lesser of 2 evils since I’m marrying a Baptist lol) I think when you mom sees how the church looks at it she may be more accepting

    Post # 23
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @Miss Toadstool:  yes this is very american but Catholics here are not like Catholics there. I have experianced masses both here and at the Shrine and in a small town in Mexico… Mexican Catholics are not as “liberal” is more a cultural thing I think.

    Post # 24
    Member
    1641 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My mom was very upset when we told her we weren’t having a full Mass. We didn’t like how not all guests would be invited to communion (many on my side of the family aren’t Catholic). We wanted everyone to feel included. My mom still felt strongly about having the Mass, but it’s our wedding, so she kind of got over it. Not totally, but better than she was in the beginning.
    At the end of the day, she’ll be enjoying seeing her daughter get married, not letting something so small ruin one of the most important days of her life.

    Post # 25
    Member
    10635 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I’m against the idea of a full mass, as the Catholic church excludes people.  It would be one thing if everyone could take communion if they wished, but from my understanding the Catholic church doesn’t allow non-Catholics to take communion.  At that point, it is no longer an individual’s choice as to whether partake or not.

    Post # 26
    Member
    1641 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    View original reply
    @AB Bride:  +1, exactly why we didn’t do full Mass.

    Post # 27
    Member
    1091 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We’re only doing the marriage ceremony, but that’s because I’m not Catholic. Our priest did say that when one of the couple isn’t Catholic OR when the majority of the guests in attendance aren’t, they give couples the option to not do a full mass for the comfort of the non-Catholic member or the guests.  FI’s aunt is a nun and nearly lost it when she heard we weren’t doing a full mass, until the priest explained to her that not only would the full mass be awkward for me, but it would be awkward for the 70%-ish of our guests who are not Catholic.

    Post # 28
    Member
    515 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I was raised a Catholic, so I know a bit about how the Mass goes. For non-Catholics, it is very long and boring and they often feel like they don’t know what they are supposed to be doing and don’t understand why they can’t take communion. If it were something the two of you really wanted to do, I’d say do it because it is your ceremony. But if it’s just your parents that want you to do and you don’t, then skip it. They had their wedding, now it’s your turn. Do what feels right for you and your guests. If the priest doesn’t have a problem with it, your parents shouldn’t either. If it causes ripples, ask the priest to talk to them about it and explain to them why a full Mass isn’t necessary.

    Post # 30
    Member
    1060 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I agree with kimm99. I’m not sure how strongly you practice your faith, but sharing communion during your ceremony is a way to bring God into your marriage and a wonderful experience for you and your husband to share. I think it is especially important if receiving communion is something you and your Fiance participate in often and plan to continue into your marriage/teach your children etc. While I appreciate you are trying to be accomodating to your guests, I personally feel that refusing to do a full mass just so that others wont get bored, or not be able to participate is actually kind of selfish. Think of everything that He sacrificed, and you don’t want to take the extra 15 minutes as you receive this sacrament to fully participate? Who cares if friends complain, they will not be the ones you pray to for guidance and support through out the rest of your marriage. 60 years from now who will still be by your side? Will it matter then that your ceremony was long?

    I don’t mean to sound lecturing. I went through something similar with non catholic friends giving me a hard time about wanting to do a full mass, so it really made me think about what is important as I receive this sacrament with Fiance and why I am getting married in the church in the first place.

    Post # 31
    Member
    4334 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I was going to vote “do what you want,” but I agree with some of the other posters that it’s probably more important to have a happy mom. Your friends can get over themselves, or skip the wedding if they really have such short attention spans that they can’t sit there for 1 hour.

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