Post # 1
I’ve had baby a lot on the brain since I turned 29 last month, and every time I think about having a baby, I cannot wrap my head around how to maintain my career path and have children at the same time.
Background: I work in Marketing. My average days are 8 am – 6 pm Monday-Friday but there are some nights I end up staying till 8-9 depending on deadlines. I also travel for work 1-2 times/month. Darling Husband owns his own business and he is usually gone from 7 am – 7 pm. I can’t see a daycare keeping a child for up to 12 hours/day.
Both of our parents live within 30 minutes, but they all work. Nanny is an option, but we would basically need someone full-time and I can’t imagine how expensive that would be (probably a huge chunk of my monthly salary) and Darling Husband has already said he doesn’t want an Au Pair living with us.
We also could probably afford for me to stay home but 1) I love my job and really don’t want to give it up and 2) I have fantastic health insurance and if I quit, we would have to purchase an individual plan for $$$$$$.
So working moms…HOW DO YOU DO IT????
Post # 3
I’ll let you know in about 8 months.
In all seriousness, I worry about this as well. I work from 7-4, and have an hour commute each way, so I am away from home 11 hours a day. My husband works even longer hours. We are both planning on working full time, and believe me, I am not too happy about needing daycare 55 hours a week, but I don’t know what other choice we have. But, my parents did it, and I grew up spending a lot of time in daycares. I can’t say I loved that, but I don’t think it caused any emotional scarring either.
Post # 4
Before I had my son, my job entailed 50-60 hours a week, plus nearly weekly travel. Now that I am back I am only taking local work, so travel will be more like 1-2 trips per month, and I am leaving work earlier, at 6 PM every day. My husband works 8-6. The way we do it is with a fabulous nanny. She is amazing with our son AND does a ton around our home so we don’t have as many chores to do – the place is always tidy when we get home, she does our laundry and our son’t laundry, makes his food, etc.
All that said, I don’t intend for this to be the way my son and future children are raised longer term. I don’t like having someone else watching him 50-55 hours a week (our nanny’s hours are 7:30-6:30). I want to be there when he gets home from school, etc. So my longer term goal is to find a job with more reasonable hours. However, a job and career are important to me and I would not make a good full time Stay-At-Home Mom, even though I loved every minute of my 7 months maternity leave. I just need to have something else in my life and my days in order to be happy and be the best mom I can be!
One suggestion for you is a nanny share – I know people who do this successfully! check out http://www.shareournanny.com
Post # 5
If your job helps you feel fulfilled, then I think you should continue to work. Of course, that could mean different things. You could find a different job that is part time, you could have your hubby reduce his schedule, etc. You also might completely change your mind once your baby is here!
I will say that daycare will keep the kids for many hours, but I think they charge more, and I personally didn’t feel right about that, especially when they are tiny babies, from what I’ve read about their development/attachment. We both work full-time, but we were able to hire my Mother-In-Law to be our nanny. She also does some help with cooking/dishes/laundry. Not a ton, but it really helps. We also hired someone to come over 2 hours 2x a week to do dishes/laundry. Babies make a lot of laundry! I still have extra $ from my salary plus great benefits. I feel better about this arrangement, because when I’m home I can give most of my attn to LO instead of cleaning the whole time.
I often do work when LO is asleep, which means I get less sleep. Honestly, I shower less often, and my house is still messier than usual, and we probably order pizza delivery 1x every week when we are too tired to care about cooking! However, I still feel like this is what is right for us right now. We are open minded about the future, but I am in a field where it is hard to get back in once you leave for awhile for the “mommy track”.
Post # 6
It’s worth it for sure – I would love to be a stay at home mom but unfortunately the finances just don’t allow for it. But in terms of how I do it – my job is very flexible in terms of the working hours, so I can pretty much come in when I want and leave when I want as long as my job is done. Typically I work about a 7:30 – 4:30 work day, take my son to whatever practice/lesson we have (karate,piano, drum,basketball, softball or whatever the season may be) and then after that, we go home for homework, school projects, and then dinner, family time and then bedtime. So pretty much i’m on duty from 6 am until I tuck him in around 9.
It’s so rewarding though – being able to contribute to the family finances AND also having the flexibility to do things that are needed with your children AND Fiance, it’s awesome. And Fiance makes it much easier for me because he does the bulk of the cooking since he’s honestly much better at it.
Post # 7
Good for you for wanting to maintain an awesome career. I’m not in your shoes (yet) but I recommend getting a nanny for the first year or two and if it gets too expensive you can always go the daycare route later on. It might seem really expensive now but remember the longer you stay in your career the more potential you have to earn more money. if you quit and try to reenter you might not reenter at the same salary and will have to make up for lost time.
It sounds daunting but you’ll figure it out!
Post # 8
It is so hard but I like to think I am doing jus fine. I work 40 hrs a week and because of my location we are off on weekends. I have a 4 yr old son that is very active and going to start school very soon. I try my hardest to do somthing with him everyday and I always make sure to ask him about his day. I got very lucky and a really good friend of my mine her mom watches my son. She also lives really close to me. She is teaching my son spanish which is awesome. I wish I could stay at home with him and I wish I could have his whole life but I can’t. I missed his first steps which was really hard. He is the biggest mommys boy ever though. I think about him all day and I know why I work. To make sure I give him a great life that he deserves because he is my everything.
Post # 9
My stepson is in daycare some days up to 12 hours. His mother works full time an hour away. She spends MUCHO bucks on daycare.
I stayed home til Annabelle was 2.5. Then I worked full time and she was in daycare three full days a week and spent two days with my mom. That was $181 a week.
Thank God she’s in school now. BUT I only work 10-3 because I do not have after school care for her.
Post # 10
I’m not a mom yet and like you I love my career. I’m still on the fence about whether i can be a Stay-At-Home Mom or not, emotionally and financially.
Our plan for now is that hoping I can cut back my hours a bit when I go back to work so that I can go into work a little later drop the baby off at daycare then my husband usually can leave work around 3 to pick the baby up. That way the baby only needs to be at day care about 5 hours ish.
And the very ideal situation would be if I can work from home half the week and go into the office only 2-3 days. That’s the plan, we’ll see how it works out.
All this is why I struggle with moving back closer to my family because my mom has offered many times to watch the baby if we were there. And I know she will be great because she took care of my 2 nephews and niece until they started UPK.
Post # 11
There’s a lot of different options besides just staying home full-time and just working 40+ hours a week with your child in daycare the whole time. Maybe you and you husband can rearrange you schedule so the baby’s only in daycare for 8 hours a day (we’ve done this: I go to work at 7, my husband drops the baby off at day care around 8, I get off at 4 to pick up the baby, and he gets home about 5 or 6). Maybe one of you can work part time or work a couple days from home or switch your schedules so someone works weekends and has a couple week days off to care for the baby (a lot of my co-workers do this). Maybe you can have daycare part time and have a nanny part time. There’s a lot of different ways you can work it so that you’re comfortable with your childcare situation, whatever that might be.
For us, we had a nanny for the first 9 months of our daughter’s life. At nine months we switched over to an in-home daycare, and even though I was really against putting Addie in daycare at the beginning, I’m very happy with our current situation. When I start my Master’s this fall, I’ll quit work and be home full time with Addie, instead. All of those situations have their positives and negatives, but we’re doing what we think is best at the time, and so far it’s worked out. The fact is, no matter what your situation, in the end, you just make it work.
Post # 12
I struggle a lot with this too, even though we aren’t even seriously TTC yet. I think it’s important to remember that you can have it all, just not all at once. At the end of the day, your children have to be the most important thing in your life. I know my career is definitely going to take a hit, but I’ll have plenty of years to work when my children are more independant.
Post # 13
Ok first good for you for wanting to keep working!! Also its possible. A daycare will keep a child for that long.. My Fiance and I both work two jobs.. and there are some days our son is at daycare for 10 hours… the plus side they get socialized early.. learn other things from children.. learn how to share.. and are with people that have a different teaching style than you and your SO so they can learn different things from different people.. the nanny maybe the way to go tho.. then the child can play in the comfort of their own home.. its really up to you.. or just have one of the two of you.. more likely him bc he runs his own business and can mae his own hours. set an avalibility. Its a busy life but its great.. and staying home gets boring by the time your off maternaty leave you will want to go back 🙂 Good luck lady!!
Post # 14
Why does it have to be 50+ hour work weeks or stay at home?
What about thinking of transitioning to a position or new company where you could work a basic 40 hour week with no travel? I currently work long hours but I am just going to try to take some work home with me if needed rather than stay at the office like I do now.
Post # 15
My job is similar to yours- I work long hours and travel a lot. I’ve been working there for 4 years, so before I got pregnant I decided to test the waters on their flexibility.
I submitted for a temporary telecommuting agreement (3 month trial period) to see if I could work from home to achieve some much-needed work/life balance. My boss approved the trial telecommuting and at the end of the 3 months I arranged a meeting to discuss the progress. Everyone agreed that it was a mutually beneficial arrangement and I was allowed to continue it long-term.
Two months after that final meeting, I got pregnant, but waited until the end of my first trimester to share the news at work. Everyone at work was thrilled! I am due in July. Trust was already built because I made the flexible work arrangements long before pregnancy was even in the picture.
We are still planning to arrange full-time daycare, but the fact that I work from home just gives me a little more flexibility of when I leave to pick up the kiddo and drop him off. It also allows me to start working earlier in the day and to take little breaks between meetings, while still ensuring that all of my work is getting done.
My travel schedule will remain the same, but working from home allows me to catch up a little on household chores like throwing a load of laundry in between conference calls, etc. I physically come into the office when needed for meetings and such.
Post # 16
I’m not pregnant but I know a bunch of coworkers who work full time and have kids. So I know it’s doable.
I, like you, work long hours, between 8-14 hours a day. I’m a scientist so my hours work around my studies at work. Initially, I was thinking my career would not be family friendly. But, I’m hoping that my boss will be flexible with my hours and allow me to work from home on days I don’t need to be onsite. Also, the Darling Husband work hours can be shifted so the baby only need to be in day care when we really need it. He is a manager and I know he won’t be happy but I think he will need to start working ‘mandatory’ weekend. So he could use his two days off during the week, while I have to work. This is only my ‘plan’ so the fellow mommy bees can let me know if I am too ambitious.
I still need to figure out what to do on days, where both me and the Darling Husband have to work 12 hour days. That’s the hard one. We don’t have any family around to depend on. Yeah, so I don’t know. I think I have most of it figured out.