Post # 1
My friend X is super Christian. Lately X been posting in her blog asking her friends and family to contribute money to help another Christian family adopt their second Ethiopian child. I had never heard of people fundraising for adoptions before, and to be honest, I found it kind of off-putting and maybe even slightly offensive.
(I guess I just sort of feel like you don’t get to ask other people to help you raise your own kids. You decided you wanted to be a parent. It’s nice that they want to adopt, but I feel like turning the child into the church charity case probably isn’t very healthy for the child.)
Anyway, I was wondering what you bees thought of this? Am I being way too conservative and closed-minded? I know practically nothing about the adoption process, so I’m perfectly willing to reconsider my opinion. What are your thoughts on fundraising for foreign adoptions?
Post # 3
No. We will be adopting and during my research I have read about people doing this and I’m sorry, I’m totally against it. I get it, adoption is extremely expensive especially internationally. for me though it’s not for someone else to help fund. There are many other ways to get help with the financial aspect if you do your research.
Edit: For anyone ok with it; are you then ok with fundraising for infertility treatments? For me it’s one in the same. You wouldn’t ask for help then, so why is it acceptable or appropriate in this case? IVF is just as expensive.
Post # 4
@Mrs. Honeybee: I think it’s a bit much and in all honesty if you want to give a child a good home we have plenty in our country that need homes and it’s alot less expensive. Look at the foster care system we have so many homeless children that need forever homes.
Post # 5
I don’t see anything wrong with it. It can cost many thousands of dollars to adopt internationally. I don’t see it as making the child a charity case either. I did have trouble getting pregnant though, and we looked into international adoption. the costs were overwhelming, and I could see how most people woud need some help.
Post # 6
I guess the difference is in whether it’s the parents or the child that’s being marketed as the “charity case” during the fundraising. If it’s the parents who are asking for help to make their dreams come true, that’s pretty OK with me. We all need/want help sometimes. However, if it’s about “save this poor African child!” that’s when it starts to seem problematic. (Unfortunately, this is usually what it seems to be, complete with pictures of the child’s face all over everything.)
Anyone else want to weigh in?
Post # 7
I definitely dont see this as a cut and dried issue. There are countries out there that put girls out of orphanges at 13 and some are even forced into brothels. If I was trying to raise funds fast so a little girl I met while picking up my adoptive child wouldn’t have to go there would I do whatever it took? Um yeah duh! Do I think people should do it just because they want a fourth child from an exotic country? Heck no! I guess what I am saying is it depends on the motivation of the parents. I don’t think it necessarily damages a child. I personally would feel very loved if someone did whatever it took to keep me from becoming sexually trafficked. But would also feel very awkward if they just adopted me to show off how “Christian” they are to their friends. I think kids are intuitive enough to pick up on a persons true motivation so if your friends heart is in the right place I wouldn’t worry to much. 🙂
Post # 8
I think the situation would make me uncomfortable. I also have a personal policy of not donating to any cause that isn’t part of a well organized charity effort, so I would definitely not be giving any money to an effort like this. I am a believer that one should be paying for their own family, and if they can’t afford to adopt this kid, what does that say about their abilities to support the child? Any adoption agency I have heard of looks at the adoption fees as part of the way they evaluate the families ability to support the child, so if the fees come from donations, are they expecting raising the kid will be done with a large helping of donated money as well?
Post # 9
Uh I’m not sure about this one. I do know that from some of the countries with the most deplorable conditions it’s important to move things quickly. My best friends parents set up a foreign adoption out of an orphanage when we were kids and while they were trying to set up everything legally the child was sold on the black market. I almost have the opposite feeling as the poster that would support it more if funds were raised to make the parents dreams come true. I think I’d be more supportive if it was framed as a particular child in an immediately dangerous position that the funds could remove them from sooner.
Post # 10
Very dependent on the person and the situation of the Child. I don’t think its the norm to ask people to donate to your desire to have children, but to help rescue ( aka adopt) a child from living hell, it may be worth it!
Also maybe its a “Christian” thing, where she is mainly posting to other “Christians” who would like to give in that respect. Putting it on the local news or the add in the paper would be awkward and most likely unecessary.
Post # 11
However, if it’s about “save this poor African child!” that’s when it starts to seem problematic. (Unfortunately, this is usually what it seems to be, complete with pictures of the child’s face all over everything.)
I wouldn’t be keen on it at all. But I personally have issues with international adoption in itself anyway. And I really hate it when people frame it as “saving” a kid from some awful third world country. (Having tried it myself, I can vouch for the fact that it’s not so bad growing up in a third world country …)
Post # 12
I don’t agree with this. Everyone knows that adoption is expensive, especially international, but no one is forcing these people to go that route. If they made a decision to adopt then they need to be able to afford it on their own. If it’s too expensive for them then maybe they should look into adopting one of a MANY children from this country who are without homes.
Post # 13
I didn’t read the other comments. First off, you should know I’m an international adoptee myself. Second, I think it’s incredibly tacky, offensive, etc. I honestly believe that if you are not in a position where you can financially afford to adopt you should not adopt. Also, a lot of people don’t know this (and I admit I’m not as educated as I could be on the subject) but international adoption is rife with corruption and that is one of the reasons it costs so much…agency owners make MILLIONS of dollars a year profitting off of parents who want to help save poor orphans.
Post # 14
I am against this. The cost of adoption is only a fraction the cost of raising a child. If they can’t afford the adoption fee then they shouldn’t adopt just yet.
I know what I’m posting below cannot in any way be liken to an actual child but it sort of is what I mean to say:
I plan on breeding my cat according to the rules. She is pure bred and breeding her will entail some major expenses (the cost of the kittens, provided she has at least 4 will only JUST cover it) but that’s fine as I’m not in it for the money. Anyway, the going rate for a kitten (it will not be allowed to be bred) is about US$770 each. A lot of times, breeders get emails/calls from people saying “We can’t afford US$770 but we are good people and will be able to give it a good home”. I am sorry but if you cannot afford $770, you cannot afford the annual vaccinations, the good food (for one cat, this is about $100/month), vet fees etc.etc.etc. If someone is cutting it close, then what happens if a partner loses a job?I love my cat dearly and want her all her kittens to go to a GREAT forever home.
Post # 16
I think it depends. I live in an area where adopting kids from 3rd world countries is kind of a status thing and I HATE that. But if this couple honestly feels called to do this and I understood their reasoning for choosing an international adoption over domestic I might donate. It’s not that different then a church gathering money to sponser a child to give them a better life. I only hesitate because there’s a slight undertone of “look at me!!! I’m adopting a baby from an impoverished nation! Isn’t that AWESOME?”