(Closed) Fundraising Party?

posted 8 years ago in Parties
  • poll: what do you think of this idea
    its genius and i wish i had one thrown for me! : (7 votes)
    6 %
    its a bad idea : (77 votes)
    71 %
    i have heard of it but opted out of it : (14 votes)
    13 %
    other : (10 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    It’s called a Jack and Jill.  I only just heard of them recently.  I didn’t do it.. and would be HORRIFIED if my wedding party threw something like this for me.  I guess some people just look at this as the norm and wouldn’t be offended by being invited to something like this.. but it’s definitely in poor taste in my opinion.  If you can’t cover the cost of the wedding yourself.. then don’t have one.

    Post # 4
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I get that they’re acceptable in canada, but as someone living in america with ZERO canadian affiliates, i’d be mortified if one was thrown for us. It is not the norm at all for us.

    Post # 5
    Member
    165 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    It’s called a Buck & Doe or a Jack & Jill, and they are so much fun! It’s not necessarily that you can’t “afford” your wedding, it’s a form of support; and in many cases, the guests invited spend an amount of money equivalent to what they would gift you for a wedding (eliminating the necessity for a wedding gift later) I have been to lots of Buck & Does and many of them were for people who could very well afford their wedding – it’s just a party where everyone pitches in. It’s a very “Canadian” thing to do. It’s become very much a cultural thing. In my experience, those who partake in Jack & Jills traditionally skip engagement parties and have much less elaborate (or no) bridal showers.

    I personally don’t see how it’s in any worse taste than dollar dances. It’s far from mortifying. I think you need to attend one before judging In My Humble Opinion.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee

    yeh its a regional thing.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’ve heard of it, and I think it is one of those things that is totally fine if it is normal in your culture, and totally weird if it isn’t. If this is just one of those things everyone does when you get married, cool. You’re likely to have or will return the favor someday. If not, really bad idea.

    Post # 8
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Unless you live in Canada and have lots of Canadian guests – Don’t Do It!

    In the US, people aren’t going to be very accepting of this.  I’d be absolutely offended and mortified if one was thrown for me and would also be taken aback and offended if I was invited to one (and would likely refuse to go).  It just isn’t right to ask your guests to help fund your wedding.

    @Miss Bubbles: I also think that Dollar Dances are just as bad.  Unless you are in an area where this is done for every wedding and most all of your guests are familiar with it as well, it just comes accross as in poor taste.  I leave the dance floor during dollar dances – I refuse to support them.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @Miss Bubbles: That’s exactly what I was thinking, it is a little like a dollar dance. It also seems like a dollar dance in terms of acceptability: if it is common, totally cool, if not common, totally not cool.

    In general, I think it is a good idea not to adopt new customs that are foreign to your region or culture that require money/gifts/work from guests.

    Post # 10
    Member
    240 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I would absolutely not attend or throw a party like this.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2090 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Personally, I would not attend a party like this, and would be a little offended if I was invited to a party like this. I would be beyond embarrassed if one was thrown for me. The money/dollar dance is definitely included in this same category as well.

    IMO, it doesn’t matter how much “fun” the party/dance might be – if you expect people to give you $ to offset the cost of your wedding, I’m just not down with it.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1883 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I find this horrifying, but I’m not from Canada.

    Post # 14
    Member
    165 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I think it’s all in your cultural upbringing and region. It’s funny how money, or helping donate money, is a touchy issue. One of my BFFs is Greek, and one of their traditions is to pin bills of money to their “gowns”. I was surrounded by so many people at that wedding who thought it was so “tacky”, and it was just their cultural tradition. A girl at my table literally walked out. You just have to keep an open mind. Tons of traditions and “weird things” come out at weddings, we can’t judge unless we understand the culture. Having grown up in Canada, it’s a very common event and just goes hand-in-hand with the marriage itself. Out of about 8 weddings I have been closely related to, 6 had “Buck & Does” prior to the wedding (the exceptions being the aforementioned Greek wedding; and a friend who had a very, very short engagement and time did not allow)

    To me, attending a Buck & Doe and throwing a $10 bill in a bucket to win a prize knowing that the bride & groom will use that money toward the happiest day of their lives is not a big deal, or “horrifying” to me in the least. In my mind, it’s sort of like a baby shower – of course it’s not “your problem” someone else is having a baby, and of course it’s not “your responsibility” to give the kid clothing, but sometimes it’s just nice to be nice.

    Post # 15
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @invalid_username: If you don’t know enough about it without having to garner info from your “canadian affiliates” then your guests aren’t going to either and I can promise you that the vast majority of them will take offense to being asked / invited / encouraged / had the word spread to them to help fund your wedding (however you phrase it – it is still the same thing).

    It may be a common cultural rite of passage in certain ares of Canada but if you don’t live in those certain areas and have lots of guests from those certain areas, you are only asking for trouble and for offended guests.

    Post # 16
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @Miss Bubbles: I think most of the Bees agree that if it is a part of your culture, great!  No one will mind going to a Buck and Doe if it is something they expect to see before a wedding (which you obviously do).

    The issue arrises when, like the OP, someone just thinks its an awesome idea to ask others to help fund their wedding and wants to have such an event even when it has NOTHING to do with their culture.

    The topic ‘Fundraising Party?’ is closed to new replies.

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