Post # 31
paintitblackcat9: Trust me, I have struggled plenty. I have never been able to spend on frivilous things and I don’t ask for or want anything I don’t need. You don’t want to register for a $20 butter dish? Great, don’t. You’d rather receive cash to help save for a house? Awesome. Ya know what you do? Don’t register anywhere. If you don’t have a registry, guests will give you cash (if they choose to gift at all). You don’t have to specifically ask for cash, they will figure it out on their own. By saying “We aren’t registering because we don’t need new dishes but we’d love to go on a honeymoon so please give cash!” is just tacky to me.
Post # 32
paintitblackcat9: Seriously. We’ll need everything and we’re hoping to get a house, but probably won’t have one by the wedding day. Any crap people buy us will fill up my parents’ house and wait, and I’ll want to return all of it and put the money towards a big TV and a sofa or some major appliance or something necessary.
What’s the point of giving a gift if it’s what YOU WANT instead of of what the couple wants or needs? Whenever I give a gift, it’s for THAT person, not what I like or want; that’s stupid. If they want to put it towards a honeymoon, awesome. House, awesome. Put it towards whatever the heck you want, just don’t get all crappy when the couple tries to give people some direction so they’re not sitting there wasting time trying to think “What can I get them that they’ll like or need that’s more personal than money?” … THEY’RE SAVING YOU TIME AND EFFORT. Unless you’re one of those people who just determines what other people want/need, and give gifts because you like the item. I’d much rather help contribute towards something meaningful than some stupid appliance that will get used 3x a year.
I don’t see why this is any tackier than any normal registry filled with smaller items. Stuff is stuff, it’s just on a bigger scale.
Some people would rather have experiences or something substantial (like a fridge or sofa??) than stupid little items you get from BB&B that nobody ever really needs or uses.
Know the couple and get them what THEY want and not what YOU like giving.
A lot of people like to give something more “personal” than money. This is a way of trying to direct people away from useless items and towards something seemingly more personal. This is mostly the older generation. My Mom insists people (women) will want to give a GIFT and not as much money because it’s “personal” … if I have to stick crap on a registry, it’s clearly not personal though. I picked it and you bought it.
Yep, let’s stick to old pointless traditions for the sake of them because we determine they just feel tacky a certain way and not another. Basically, somehow it’s okay to state that you want a blender or a set of dishes, but not admit you want a honeymoon or to buy a house. THAT is tacky. ??? A newly married couple needs stuff, and they need LESS small crap, and MORE big crap. What’s the point of giving a little item if they can’t afford the necessities? So really, registries for smaller things are really more dumb than opening funds for bigger things.
A retail registry is just another successful marketing scheme that everyone’s bought into.
Makes no sense at all.
Post # 34
TinderBoxx: because Google is awesome, I obviously had to find this couple’ website…
You should have mentioned that they’re asking for all of these funds on their one year anniversary from people who probably weren’t invited to the “real” wedding!! to me, that makes this so much more egregious.
from their page:
“they got married last summer in a small family ceremony at the Tendai Buddhist Institute. They are very much looking forward to celebrating with their friends and family on their one-year anniversary this summer!”
oh and of course they’re humble too!
”They are generally pretty awesome people, and are surrounded and supported by pretty awesome people, like you.”
Post # 35
Want cash? Don’t register. It’s that simple.
Post # 36
How about getting a job and funding yourself? The crown is not gonna fall off your head if you get a job!
Post # 37
BeachBee1988: LOL!!! I take back my earlier post. These people are nutty.
Post # 38
spideringspider: I couldn’t agree more. Like I can’t really register for a washer and dryer and expect someone to buy it for me. But I could say hey… we really need this appliance, if people want to chip in that would be a HUGE help. I have already lived on my own and don’t need “stuff” what we need is to be able to put some money in savings for our future. And to me it’s so dumb that it would be “tacky” to say that. Why is it fine to ask for a salad spinner, but rude to say, if you feel like giving a gift we’d really appreciate checks so we can work on buying a home and starting a family. To me it’s tacky to expect gifts period, but to say it’s best to just not register and let guest “figure it out” okay well what if they “figure” that it means we don’t want any sort of gift/contribution? I love all these people assuming they must not have jobs if they don’t have disposible income. Ummm no.. not everyone makes a ton of money even though they do work full time. And some people have expenses the general public knows nothing about. Like old medical bills, or student loans, or a ridiculous car payment because no one handed you a car or could cosign on a loan for you to get a good interest rate.
Post # 40
BeachBee1988: O.K. that is tacky and egregious!
My “they want WHAT?” is the flip side of this. I have some fairly distant relations who are not terribly well off. Their jobs are insecure, they rent small apartments and sometimes have to move because rental costs have gone up, etc. When they got married they focused on ALL THE STUFF and registered for a lot of hideously expensive housewares and asked for those instead of cash. I would have had no trouble with that if it was a couple of things that you could see them really really wanting and not necessarily being able to save up for themselves easily like a bedroom set etc. but this was random very pricey stuff. The cheapest item on the list was a $190 crystal candy dish. The next least expensive was a $300 kettle — the kind you put on the stove. *raises eyebrows* I wouldn’t have blinked had these been another set of relatives (a lawyer marrying an engineer — their lifestyle designer because they can afford it — and by the way they asked for no gifts or a small charitable donation if people really felt the need to give, but from couple #1 it was inappropriate.
I’m generally not judgy about how people spend their money but this was absurd in my eyes, not the least because everything was more than I was comfortable spending for people I’m not particularly close to. I was planning on getting them something nice in the $100 to $150 range but found I was expected to pay for something at least twice that. Worse, while this was just an annoyance to me it was a source of grief to older relatives on fixed incomes who wanted to buy the happy couple something lovely but couldn’t afford it. Great aunty shouldn’t have to scrimp on grocery money for several months so she could afford some overpriced tchotcke! The upshot? I would have been much happier just giving them the money I had planned to, and not knowing what it would have been spent on. As it is I gritted my teeth and bought them the damned candy dish, and reassured several older relatives that it was perfectly acceptable for them to pool their resources for other gifts. The whole thing left a very bad taste in my mouth, which is why my partner and I are going the “no gifts please” route. We really don’t need anything apart from people to come and celebrate with us if they can.
Post # 41
BeachBee1988: Kinda defeats the whole Zen aspect of Buddhism, huh?
Post # 42
Wow. If they are choosing to get married and start a life together, they’d better be prepared to pay for it themselves. I don’t mind getting someone a gift and some money in a card, but it rubs me the wrong way when they are asking for money for a “dream house” or having a baby. Those are things Darling Husband and I are saving up for ourselves, not for others. Ridiculous.
Post # 43
TinderBoxx: I just dont even know what to do with people some days… Ha
Post # 44
I’m personally not a fan of this kind of thing, and especially not the way this particular couple has said it… that being said, I don’t know them! Knowing their personality, it might not come across as ridiculous to me but it’s just not my thing.
Give me a registry and if you don’t want anything like that, don’t bother telling me what life events I can fund for you.. it does seem tacky. I’ll most likely end up giving you money REGARDLESS of what you do – you can do with it as you like!
Post # 45
TinderBoxx: There’s a way to insinuate that you’d prefer cash gifts. You keep your store registries very limited and make no mention of cash/funds/etc. End of story. Of course, whether you end up with random bixed gifts you didn’t need/want or you get cash/checks is dependent on your guests.
I don’t mind giving cash gifts at weddings at all, but this doesn’t even sound like a registry! It sounds more like a request for handouts. Sorry if I’m blunt, but if you can’t afford to go on vacation or you need to save for a downpayment, or you want to build up savings before you decide to have kids, 100% of that responsibility is yours and your husband’s. It’s no one else’s problem. It may take longer for some than others but life isn’t fair and plenty of people do it every day. It’s called having a job.