Post # 1
I’m not so sure how to address this issue.
The situation came up yesterday that there might be a funeral for my good friend’s mother-in-law this weekend. My fi was hurt and wanted to start pre-marital counseling instead (my request before we get married). She also says we are in need of counseling. I’ve been pushing for it before we actually walk down the isle, but since the wedding date is out a bit (9mo), we can delay counseling for two weekends and do what needs to be done now instead of skip everything else until this one is done. I think to her it is important because we have a long distance relationship and only see eachother on the weekends. I have been insistent that we complete counseling before getting married, so since I’m pushing for it, so now she is too, but I think this is overkill since this situation is rather immediate rather than the counseling that she has been putting off till she realized I was serious about it now.
I think it’s safe to say I really value people, and believe we can really make a difference, though I feel so wrapped up in her concerns that there is so little room for anything or anyone else, especially in immediate situations like this.
I am quite concerned, do I just value other people more than this relationship? I really do try to put her first, but somehow I think this is crossing a line. Do I need to re-adjust my values here? Should starting counseling come first before a funeral? After our conversation yesterday she is adamant that counseling absolutely comes first, I am pretty sure it’s the other way around. I think the positive side is we see we have difference in values, but then the question is, is it ok to have these differences?
Post # 3
This is completely a call you need to make. I know personally I think that a good friend’s mother in law is a bit too far where I wouldn’t go to the funeral if I had been making plans to do pre-martial counseling. Maybe if it were my good friend’s mom I would go.
I don’t think this is an issue of putting others values ahead of your relationship. Don’t feel that bad over it. But I would say in this situation do the pre-martial counseling. That way, you can work out those differences and how you value your relationship. I think this needs to be done as you both sound very different in how you view relationships. That needs to be sorted out before you guys get married or there could be major strains in your relationship.