(Closed) Funerals – send cash, flowers, or?

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: What do you send when someone dies?
    Flowers to the funeral home : (34 votes)
    67 %
    Cash to the widow/widower : (7 votes)
    14 %
    other : (10 votes)
    20 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’ve always grown up seeing my family send flowers to the funeral home.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    Flowers. If it’s someone close I sometimes drop off food-casserole they can throw in the oven, muffins, etc. When my dad passed my mom really appreciated having that food and not having to worry about cooking us dinner.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I usually get a little angel statue for the spouse/closest relative. That way they have something to keep after all the flowers have died. When a girl I danced with died, I got a statue of an angel holding ballet shoes for her sister (who was also a friend of mine). I was told that she really loved having that.

    Post # 6
    Member
    5075 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I usually send flowers

    a few times I’ve sent a cookie/muffin basket – the family members appreciated having some items to eat while at the funeral home and then at home when people came by afterward

    Post # 7
    Member
    1425 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Wow, I’m feeling awful, because we’ve never sent anything and I don’t know of anyone who has. Maybe it’s a regional thing, but sending flowers is usually done by employees or places of business (like my FI’s boss sent flowers to FI’s Mom’s funeral, as did her co-workers, but there weren’t any flowers sent by friends or family).

    Post # 8
    Member
    5075 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @BetterSherm:  Really??  Not even family members? 

    around here the family members usually purchase the biggest arrangements and have little ribbons on them that say “Mom”, “Grandma”, etc. in honor of the deceased.

    I hope I don’t sound judgmental – I’m genuinely surprised.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    2580 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’ve never heard of sending cash for a funeral, unless there was a fund or donation request made in their name. Sometimes my family had brought by food so a grieving family doesn’t have to worry about cooking dinner. I agree that funerals are expensive, but I usually think of sending cash as something appropriate for a more celebratory occasion like birthdays, weddings, etc.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1333 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Within the past 6 months, we just buried my mom.  Now, I know we are younger (my sisters and I), and she was also young, and a divorcee (so essentially ‘alone), BUT I can say without a doubt the generosity given to us thru monetary donations was amazing, and helpful.  We did not set up a charity fund (or, in ‘an lieu’ fund) bc we could not decide!!  My mother donated to many organizations, etc.  So, on top of ‘donations’ we also received a ton of flower arrangements.  I have to say that although we left a ton at her grave, we took a ton home, and threw them away within 1-2 days.  The smell reminded us of the funeral home, and well, we knew in time those would ‘die’ too.  This is not to say we did not appreciate them, but a different perspective 🙂

    I will know always either a) send a donation to a charity of choice, if listed, or b) send a monetary donation to the funeral home directly to pass along – or the family if you have the address.  It helped pay off many expenses, and with what was remaining (once our thoughts were collected), we donated to a charity we felt most appropriate 🙂

    Food even became overwhelming too!!  Just my 2 cents.

    Post # 11
    Member
    241 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2004

    Whenever someone dear to me loses a relative or friend, I send them an indigenous tree that they can plant in memory of their loved one. We did the same after my father died and it means a lot to my mother. It is a lasting, living tribute.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I know when my stepmother passed away my father really appreciated people who sent food.  He wasn’t used to cooking nor was he up to the challenge.

    I like to send an Edible Arrangement.  I don’t know why.  I just think they are more practical than flowers.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Food. 

    Or if they specify a donation to a charity.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1425 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @GroovyHippieChick:  Nope. The funeral home supplies the bulk of the flowers. I’ve never seen tags/ribbons of anything saying “Mom” et al.

    Post # 15
    Member
    674 posts
    Busy bee

    I have never heard of sending cash before. The only times I’ve heard of memorial funds was to support a charity the deceased may have supported or to assist the family for specific life hardships, not so much the funeral. (One example, when a mother & father died, a group of hobbyists who had been friends with the mom set up a memorial fund for the kids and gave control of it to the grandparents who took custody. If they needed financial help, they could tap into it. Otherwise, it was a college fund.) The memorial funds (save the one I mentioned) I’ve always seen before were always initially set up by a close family member who spread the word about the fund.

    If it was someone close, we would do flowers and a card. If it was someone we only kinda knew in a very loose connection, we would just send a card. If it’s someone geographically close and personally close, we’d probably do flowers, card, and then I’d bring out my hometown tradition of making some kind of quickly heated dish for the family.

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