Post # 1
What do you send when someone dies? Assuming there is no memorial fund established, what’s appropriate? Cash? Flowers?
I know funerals are not cheap! What do you do?
btw – this is for my brother-in-law’s father – who, I met few times and it was an unexpected passing. I won’t be attending the service (it’s out of state) but would like to send something to his mother. I know they weren’t made of money and could probably use the cash… just not sure what to do.
Post # 3
I’ve always grown up seeing my family send flowers to the funeral home.
Post # 4
Flowers. If it’s someone close I sometimes drop off food-casserole they can throw in the oven, muffins, etc. When my dad passed my mom really appreciated having that food and not having to worry about cooking us dinner.
Post # 5
I usually get a little angel statue for the spouse/closest relative. That way they have something to keep after all the flowers have died. When a girl I danced with died, I got a statue of an angel holding ballet shoes for her sister (who was also a friend of mine). I was told that she really loved having that.
Post # 6
I usually send flowers
a few times I’ve sent a cookie/muffin basket – the family members appreciated having some items to eat while at the funeral home and then at home when people came by afterward
Post # 7
Wow, I’m feeling awful, because we’ve never sent anything and I don’t know of anyone who has. Maybe it’s a regional thing, but sending flowers is usually done by employees or places of business (like my FI’s boss sent flowers to FI’s Mom’s funeral, as did her co-workers, but there weren’t any flowers sent by friends or family).
Post # 8
@BetterSherm: Really?? Not even family members?
around here the family members usually purchase the biggest arrangements and have little ribbons on them that say “Mom”, “Grandma”, etc. in honor of the deceased.
I hope I don’t sound judgmental – I’m genuinely surprised.
Post # 9
I’ve never heard of sending cash for a funeral, unless there was a fund or donation request made in their name. Sometimes my family had brought by food so a grieving family doesn’t have to worry about cooking dinner. I agree that funerals are expensive, but I usually think of sending cash as something appropriate for a more celebratory occasion like birthdays, weddings, etc.
Post # 10
Within the past 6 months, we just buried my mom. Now, I know we are younger (my sisters and I), and she was also young, and a divorcee (so essentially ‘alone), BUT I can say without a doubt the generosity given to us thru monetary donations was amazing, and helpful. We did not set up a charity fund (or, in ‘an lieu’ fund) bc we could not decide!! My mother donated to many organizations, etc. So, on top of ‘donations’ we also received a ton of flower arrangements. I have to say that although we left a ton at her grave, we took a ton home, and threw them away within 1-2 days. The smell reminded us of the funeral home, and well, we knew in time those would ‘die’ too. This is not to say we did not appreciate them, but a different perspective 🙂
I will know always either a) send a donation to a charity of choice, if listed, or b) send a monetary donation to the funeral home directly to pass along – or the family if you have the address. It helped pay off many expenses, and with what was remaining (once our thoughts were collected), we donated to a charity we felt most appropriate 🙂
Food even became overwhelming too!! Just my 2 cents.
Post # 11
Whenever someone dear to me loses a relative or friend, I send them an indigenous tree that they can plant in memory of their loved one. We did the same after my father died and it means a lot to my mother. It is a lasting, living tribute.
Post # 12
I know when my stepmother passed away my father really appreciated people who sent food. He wasn’t used to cooking nor was he up to the challenge.
I like to send an Edible Arrangement. I don’t know why. I just think they are more practical than flowers.
Post # 13
Or if they specify a donation to a charity.
Post # 14
@GroovyHippieChick: Nope. The funeral home supplies the bulk of the flowers. I’ve never seen tags/ribbons of anything saying “Mom” et al.
Post # 15
I have never heard of sending cash before. The only times I’ve heard of memorial funds was to support a charity the deceased may have supported or to assist the family for specific life hardships, not so much the funeral. (One example, when a mother & father died, a group of hobbyists who had been friends with the mom set up a memorial fund for the kids and gave control of it to the grandparents who took custody. If they needed financial help, they could tap into it. Otherwise, it was a college fund.) The memorial funds (save the one I mentioned) I’ve always seen before were always initially set up by a close family member who spread the word about the fund.
If it was someone close, we would do flowers and a card. If it was someone we only kinda knew in a very loose connection, we would just send a card. If it’s someone geographically close and personally close, we’d probably do flowers, card, and then I’d bring out my hometown tradition of making some kind of quickly heated dish for the family.
Post # 16
@BetterSherm: that’s so interesting! Thanks for explaining