Member- judithsr
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I had been sent this in an email awhile ago, and my sister posted it on her FB page. Every so often, I look at it again, and it’s really funny. So I wanted to share.
Jewish Haikus
Lacking fins or tail
The gefilte fish swims with
Great difficulty.
*****
Beyond Valium,
Peace is knowing one’s child
Is an internist.
*****
On Passover we
Opened the door for Elijah
Now our cat is gone .
*****
After the warm rain
The sweet smell of camellias
Did you wipe your feet?
*****
Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
Of her friend’s disease.
*****
Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
To the seventh grade.
*****
Testing the warm milk
On her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.
*****
The sparkling blue sea
Reminds me to wait an hour
After my sandwich.
*****
Like a bonsai tree,
Is your terrible posture
At my dinner table.
*****
Jews on safari —
Map, compass, elephant gun,
Hard sucking candies.
*****
The same kimono
The top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann’s.
*****
Mom, please! There is no
Need to put that dinner roll
In your pocketbook.
*****
Seven-foot Jews in
The NBA slam-dunking!
My alarm clock rings .
*****
Sorry I’m not home
To take your call. At the tone
Please state your bad news.
*****
Is one Nobel Prize
So much to ask from a child
After all I’ve done?
*****
Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you’ll plotz.
Five-day forecast: feh
*****
Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Meshuganah
Oy! To be fluent!
*****
Quietly murmured
At Saturday Synagogue services,
Yanks 3, Red Sox 5.
*****
A lovely nose ring,
Excuse me while I put my
Head in the oven.
*****
Hard to tell under the lights.
White Yarmulke or
Male-pattern baldness.
