Post # 1
So I’ve been following the online dating success thread.
@HeatherMM: made a post there that got me thinking that there must be a TON of hilarious online dating stories worth telling! (I am sitting at my desk piled with an endless stack of papers, help a girl out here and make her day a little funnier!)
Let’s share 😀
So on OK Cupid, a guy from my old high school started out by saying that i went to HS with his sister. He looked super dorky and harmless but somewhat awkward (of note, we are both Chinese). On my profile it said I’d like to learn Spanish and was interested in someone who could teach me. and it went like this…For MONTHS and he would NOT GO AWAY.
Guy: So you like it South of the Border, eh?
Guy: You like dudes from South of the Border (SOB).
Guy: So is it because Asian guys don’t have much going on South of the Border?
Guy: You know, Asian chicks these days just don’t want to date Asian guys any more, is it because of what we’ve got SOB?
Me (angry): NO, IF YOU THINK IT IS WHAT YOU HAVE SOB THAT MAKES GIRLS NOT WANT TO DATE YOU, YOU ARE MISSING SOMETHING BIG HERE.
Guy: Don’t worry I am happy with what’s South of MY BORDER. Don’t get all upset, it’s okay if you prefer the CHORIZO instead of the LAP CHEUNG (a type of sweet chinese sausage), I’ve got this figured out.
Guy: So, when are we getting dinner?
and so it continued…
LOL. It was infuriating at the time but I think back and realize how ridiculously funny it was…
Post # 3
I dont have any stories to ad.. but it was funny, in a creapy kind of way!
Post # 4
@gut_feeling: oh god!..he souds like a catch, ummmm not!!!! but funny though
Post # 5
This one guy and I didn’t “click” romantically, but are both cat lovers so for WEEKS we just sent each other pictures of our cats. It was kind of nice to have someone who cared as much about the cute things my kitty does as I do haha. He stopped texting a couple of weeks ago, assuming he probably found someone to date finally.
Also, I accidentally stumbled upon the profile of a coworker. I was looking at the picture thinking the guy looked familiar (dude is using MAD old pictures) and suddenly it clicked and I was like “GET AWAY GET AWAY!!”
He gave me some weird looks after (and def visited my profile back), but we never mentioned it to each other and both of us are now in relationships and (I assume for him) no longer use the site.
Post # 6
Also – I would definitely report that guy to OkCupid for harassment. That is NOT cool at all. Anyone and everyone who sent me stuff like that got blocked and reported.
Post # 7
@gut_feeling: Lol well aside from the couple of guys I mentioned, I also had one steal my shirt. I went over to his place a few times for dinner and I drank too much wine the last time I was there and didn’t wanna drive home, so I stayed the night and he gave me some clothes to sleep in. He attempted to sleep with me and I wasn’t into it, so in the morning I got dressed and forgot to put my shirt on over my tank top and left it in his bathroom. I texted him about it and he said he’d hang onto it for me and that he was looking forward to seeing me again the following weekend. Well, I texted him a few more times and he didn’t answer me anymore. Apparently he was pissed off I didn’t sleep with him and decided to keep my shirt lol. It was one of my favorite shirts too 🙁
Post # 8
I’ve never tried online dating myself…. But some of my friends have, and I know my dad has too.
Apparently, my best friends mom found my dad’s profile on one of the sites. It traumatized her, and she was so mortified she promptly deleted her profile. I thought it was hilarious, and still like to tease her sometimes about how she could have been my new mommy.
Post # 9
My personal favorite is the guy on match that sent me a message that consisted simply of “I really want to brush your hair.” Hilarious/creepy all in one.
Another guy told me I looked interesting. I wasn’t entirely sure how to take that – interesting as in I want to get to know you or interesting as in, you have a weird looking face?
Oh man I had plans for the first date with this guy one weekend, and on the Wednesday night before I went to the gym for an hour or so. I came back to my car to like 12 text messages ranging from “Hey what are you up to?” to “Ok, guess you’re busy?” finally on to “If you don’t respond in the next 5 minutes I’m calling the cops.” Yeah…sure did cancel THAT date. I laugh at it now, though. For a few weeks afterwards, I’d get random messages where he’d update me on how AWESOME his dating life was. K buddy, I’m super jealous.
I also had a guy tell me on the first date that he could picture himself marrying someone like me one day. Yikes.
They weren’t all awful though. I met my husband on match, so there’s that. :p
Post # 10
@MissCalifornia: LOL yes, it is horrible when you have a dirty little secret between co-workers. Haha, nah I’m not worried about that guy – it is typical clueless Asian guy humor which is probably part of why I usually don’t Asian guys (although oddly I am dating an Asian guy currently lol), not because of what they have south of the border :p
@HeatherMM: Awww bummer! What an ass…hopefully he doesn’t have a women’s shirt collection!
I had one guy who was like (I had taken my socks off, they were on the floor)… “I almost put on your socks by accident…that would be really hot actually…can I…can I just put your socks on…just for a little bit?” O_O
Post # 11
Mine is actually about Darling Husband (we met online, playing World of Warcraft.)
We talked so, so much. Really, it was incessant. On IM, on the phone, text, you name it, we did it.
So, after about a month of this, I decided to just drive the five hours to see him.
I was more than halfway there, when I realized that I had never asked for his picture. I had no idea what he looked like. Not even a hair color.
So when I pulled up to his apartment building (can I say how glad I am that I didn’t end up a cautionary tale? I was a silly girl) I sat in my car for a minute, and then, i saw this guy sitting in his car staring at me.
We just looked at each other for a few minutes, before he was like “So…want some pizza?”
That was that, we’ve been together for five years now. (Good thing I find him handsome!)
Post # 12
I have several stories but this is my all time favorite. A couple years ago a friend and I were both on okcupid and ended up talking to the same guy. We realized this VERY early on and because I had so much more in common with him we decided I could have him. Well first date time comes around and he tells me he wants to show me his shop where he works on cars before we go to dinner. I’m a car nut myself so I said sure. He then brings me to a storage unit… There’s no lights and he keeps trying to convince me to sit in his dusty old car because it had rollcage. So then we go to dinner and he was just sooo LOUD and had the craziest looking eyes I’ve ever seen. My friends were playing pool nearby and told me to bring him by after dinner if things went well. So I text my friend and tell her we’re coming but not because it went well, but because they’d have to see this guy to believe it.
Soo we get to the pool hall and he asks me to play pool, everytime he’d make a ball he’d literally get in my face and yell things like “booyah!! In your f’ing face” all with his scary serial killer eyes. My friends were like, seriously, I think he’s a murderer, haha.
Then we get to the best part… He goes to the jukebox and is literally up there for over an hour. He comes back and sits down with us and is like I played a song that’s going to blow your mind. For a good 45 minutes after this at the end of each song he’d be like hope yall are ready to have your minds blown! Then it wouldn’t be the right song so he’d be like this next song, it’s going to blown your f’ing mind! So FINALLY the song came on and it was Billy Idol – Nice Day for a White Wedding. To this day I cannot hear that song without laughing.
When we left he grabbed me and put me in some sort of headlock and slobered all over my face. It was delightful. He told my friend a few days later that he wasn’t going to ask me out again because he didn’t think I was into him, haha. So at least he was perceptive!
Post # 13
@BHB0526: OH MY GOSH! That sounds SCARY!!! LOL