- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
There’s a local radio station in Houston that is sponsoring a competition for several brides to compete against eachother in a 30 day fitness challenge. As part of my entry I wrote this poem based on “Twas The Night Before Christmas” about that extra jiggle I worry about. I thought it was kind of funny and might give someone a giggle…
Twas the night before wedding, and all through the house
The bride was heard screaming, she had quite a mouth.
The dress she had picked with love and with care,
Pulled and had bulges that shouldn’t be there.
The rings were nestled all snug in their case,
But visions of cellulite she couldn’t erase.
And Mom in her nightgown, and Dad in his sweats,
Had paid the deposits, the bride, she just wept.
When up from her bedroom there arose such a clatter,
Every person came running to see what was the matter.
Bounding up stairs, they flew like a flash,
Tore open the door, and exclaimed with a gasp.
The wings on her arms, that flapped with the breeze,
Wiggled and wobbled whenever she sneezed.
And what else to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a chin one too many, and a gut made of beer.
She looked at the mags, with brides skinny and quick,
And knew in a moment she was going to be sick.
Sure they needed a sandwich, but all of the same,
They looked pretty in dresses, she just looked lame!
Now push-ups! Now Jogging! Now Pilates and Spinning!
On Veggies! On Lean Meat, on almonds and spinach!
To the top of the Stairmaster, weights to add brawn,
If she’d worked at it before the fat would be gone.
She tried sucking it in, but she just couldn’t breathe,
And when she tried on the spanx it pushed chunk to her knees.
So over to the mirror, on a straight course she flew,
Tried on a corset, but knew no one she’d fool.
And then, with a twinkling she awoke from her dream,
The horror was gone, she was so happy she screamed.
There were still many months till her trip down the aisle,
Yet what she saw in the mirror wiped off her smile.
She was dressed in some clothes that didn’t quite fit,
Had no defined waist, and that pudge by her pits.
There’s an unsightly fold of fat on her back,
And her thighs looked like something a horse just might pack.
She talked to her honey, he thought she looked hot.
But the sight in the mirror said most assuredly not.
Her many hours at a desk had taken its toll,
And the longest commute also played a role.
She decided right then, and she gritted her teeth,
She’d work on herself, to show what was beneath.
It wouldn’t be easy, there’s the factor of time
But the wedding was coming, she should look sublime!
She was chubby and plump, not always great for a bride,
And she wasn’t quite sure how she’d let herself slide.
A gym with a trainer who’d get in her head,
Would help take away that wedding dress dread.
And so she applied to a plan that might work,
A radio contest that offered a perk.
And typing a poem to appeal to their crew,
She hoped for their help in starting anew!
She had a spring in her step, they’d help her to start,
On a track to look good when she promised her heart.
She hopes for a chance at this life changing prize,
Happy wedding to all, and to all a good size!