Post # 16
My grandma calls having sex “dancing the mattress polka.” And she always makes uncomfortable remarks like this:
Me: Are you busy Friday? Would you babysit for a few hours?
Grandma: Let me check my calendar … hmmm … looks like I had “sit around and wait to die” penciled in, but I guess I can reschedule.
She’s not even old! I’m 27 and she’s 64.
Post # 17
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
I love this!! A great attitude is probably why shes still alive & kicking! I’m going to start using that now, maybe it’ll help my bad attitude 😉
Post # 18
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
bahaha! Your grandma sounds freakin hilarious!!
Post # 19
I love this! My grandmother is still alive, but I love some of her funny sayings!
- Saying “potatoes” like “bih-DAY-das”
- She makes her own pickles and they have the most distinct taste in the world. She claims no one makes pickles better than her! I guess it’s a Quebecois thing to be competitive about your pickles?
- She had eight kids and she always says, “Being a mother only gets easy when you’re dead!” Which is really funny because her youngest kid is…like…50 now?
Those are the things that come to mind right away, but I’m sure I’ll think of more 🙂
Post # 21
Haha!! Yup she just turned 90 and she is probably healthier than me. She will outlive us all. 😀
Post # 22
All my grandparents spoke Italian so these are translations…
That person is so dumb they would starve to death in an oven full bread.
My grandmothers first job as a new migrant was cooking in a hospital kitchen. The first thing she had to cook was a cheese quiche. This was totally foreign to her and she fluffed it up a few times on that first day and from then on when she she stuffed something up or something wasn’t going as planned she’d exclaim ‘quiche and a cheese’ then piss herself laughing!
If my grandfather was talking about someone who was tight fisted or a tight arse he’d say they were the ‘first chicken egg’ because when a chicken lays its first ever eggs they are usually really long skinny and misshapened because its butts still tight! (Fun farm fact for those who have never raised chickens 🐔)
Post # 23
My granddad says ‘go on….’ when he likes the story I’m telling him 😂😂
Post # 24
- Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK
My Grandma died age 101 in 2015. Not a saying exactly but we were having a big family barbeque when she was about 95. She was eating a sausage and she said “these are nice, with the ones I bought last week it was like chewing on a condom.” Either shocked silence or laughter (me). Not something I’ll ever forget. I miss her very much.
Post # 25
I know exactly the kind of crappy sausages she spoke of! Lol.
Post # 26
My Nana used to say “piss fire and save the matches.”
She would only say this when she was the most annoyed, she said no other curse words but this one. I used to think it was hilarious.
Post # 27
my grandmother always said that too! To this day if I forget what I was going to say, I always say “it must have been a lie”. My husband thinks it’s the strangest thing ever.
Post # 28
- Wedding: May 2017 - Canvas Event Space
No way!! That’s so funny! I swear, I’ve said it to so many people all my life but it seemed like nobody else had ever heard it – I get strange looks all the time, too lol
I love that you also still say it 😀
Post # 29
My great grandma was the best at little one liners. These are just the few I can think of:
“You burn your ass, you sit on the blister”
“shit or get off the pot”
“lipstick on a pig is still lipstick on a pig”
“At least you’re pretty”
She spoke her mind lol I miss her dearly
Post # 30
My grandmother was a Scot so she basically had a saying for everything. She was hilarious. The ones that I remember:
If some one was really mad they had a ” face like a bashed apple”.
If it was a good idea but she would have nothing to do with it… ” It’s a fine fish but it’ll nae fry in my pan”
if you couldn’t please everyone all the time ” droon your cuddy and please naebody” which meant drown ( droon) your donkey(cuddy) crossing the river too many times and no one gets a ride across.
Or my all time favourite was if someone was super stingy then ” they wouldnae lend a shitey cloot” which means they were so cheap that they wouldn’t even lend you a cloth covered in poo.
There were tons more but those stuck with me. I may not say them out loud but I think of them when the situation arises.