(Closed) Funny sex stories anyone!?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

Oh I think I have one XD

 

In my third year of uni I lived with three girlfriends and a guy we met to fill the extra room. He was a bit more of a party guy than we all were.

one night, after we had all gone to bed, I heard the front door close and someone come up the stairs, probably just the lad. But just for a second I thought I heard a female voice as well, I listened for a bit but concluded that I was mistaken, especially since the lad was dating a lovely boy at the time.

I fell asleep and had a weird dream that this lad was stood in a large plain white room with me and housemate A. He looked at us and said “by the end of this year I will have demonstrated myself to you”. Both of us girls were very flustered and trying to think of reasons why he didn’t have to do that. I then woke up in time to hear him finishing very loudly, including a very squeaky bed and girl (I think I had the dream cause of what I was listening to lol). 

Speaking with housemate B on the way to classI learned that my poor friend had been awake for the whole thing /and/ when the pair had finished the girl had gone to the loo, come out only to forget which room was his and had gone into housemate B’s room instead.

 

Sorry if it’s long, that guy was comedy gold for a good half a year :3

Post # 4
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s not that funny, but it sorta is since we’ve been having sex with each for 8 years and 9 months and should be more coordinated by now, lol. 

The other day while we were having sex, SO leaned on my hair and pulled some out. Then as I was turning over, I kneed him in the chin. Not our best romp, lol.

Post # 5
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

Freshyear year of college I was living in a dorm with one other girl and dating my then boyfriend long distance. He was in town for the weekend and was staying in my room since she was at her parents house studying for her LSAT. The twin beds in the dorm are already pretty awful but we got over it and were doing the deed. I hear the doorknob turning and she comes in with her boyfriend. My Boyfriend or Best Friend is mortified and quickly pulls the sheet over him and tries to look as normal as possible. Roomie doesn’t say anything but she comes in, puts her stuff down, picks up the phone and starts dialing like we’re not even there. She must have been in the room for 5 minutes before she left. It felt like forever! 2013 me would have told her in no uncertain terms to get out for a few minites to let us dresss, but back then I was kind of timid. I have NO idea what she was thinking other than that she was a very devout Christian and I knew she did not approve of premarital sex, so maybe she was trying to make us feel bad.

Post # 6
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@bunnyharriet:  Bahaha we have had a few clumsy moments too, SO has kneed me in the crotch (OW) and I have full-on headbutted him in the face, completely by accident!
 

Post # 7
Member
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

When we very first started sleeping together, Fiance and I used to have a bucket of mixed lubes on the bedside table.

Apparently, one of the containers was actually a warming massage oil.

So we started getting busy, and all of a sudden both of our naughty bits were ON FIRE. THink “Icy Hot” but THERE.

Every time we hear “Sex on Fire”, we both start laughing! It’s our song!

Post # 10
Member
3415 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

In college I was dating a guy.  Too Much Information maybe but I LOVE when my neck is kissed, licked or whatever.  So my then boyfriend is going to town on my neck and I’m loving every minute of it, he goes to kiss me on the lips only to find out his tongue ring is caught on my hair.  Not just caught by my long hair (at that time down to the middle of my back) but my hair is like wound around his tongue ring.  It killed the mood for a bit and we had to sit there and unknot my hair so we could get free.  Both of us couldn’t stop laughing and after that I made sure my hair was in a bun.

Post # 11
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

Back when I was living in the dorms, my boyfriend and I thought my roommate was going to be out with her family all afternoon, so we went to my room and started getting hot and heavy – without bothering to draw the symbol on the white board that usually signified the room was “occupied”. We had both just gotten fully naked when I heard a key in the door and my roommate’s voice… along with the voices of her ENTIRE family. We were living together for the second year and I had spent a week with her family in New Jersey the previous summer, so it wasn’t like these were just strangers.

I called out in a hysterical voice for them to wait a moment and we hurriedly raced around the room gathering clothes. It was SO mortifying because it was hella obvious to everyone what they’d interrupted. Gah.

Post # 12
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

@minipenguin:  “I was launched into the closet.”

I DIED laughing at that bit. Oh my word!

Post # 13
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

Oooh! Also – not totally sex-related and it didn’t happen to me but OH MY GOD this is the best story I know:

Freshman year of college, the first floor of the dorm I lived in was girls only while the floors second and above were coed. I was on the second floor, and often we’d see the male guests of girls from floor 1 coming up to use our men’s room. No big deal, it was right by the stairs so usually they were in and out.

My friend Rachel lived with a very careless roommate who often left the door unlocked at night. One morning, Rachel woke up to a strange guy IN HER BED. He awoke, they stared at each other for a horror-stricken moment, then he vaulted out and dashed away after telling her, “Wrong room!”

Poor Rachel is such a sound sleeper, she didn’t notice this guy come in and climb into bed with her. We surmised that he was likely drunk, staying with a girl and managed to find the bathroom upstairs but forgot to go BACK downstairs. When the door opened and there was a girl in the bed, he climbed right on in and passed out.

Post # 14
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@minipenguin:  In college I had a nextdoor neighbor who I had never actually seen in person, but all I knew was she was sooo loud and inconsiderate. Her bf would come over on the weekends and I would always be jolted out of my sleep extraaa early on Saturday and Sunday mornings by her moaning unecessarily loud and the stupid bed creaking. So one day it had gotten to be too much and my roommate banged on the wall to a beat. The noises stopped and then one of them banged on the wall back in the same beat. Then we heard one of them get up and use the bathroom, and I don’t think we ever heard much from them again!

Then there was a girl who was like 10 doors down who you could hear all the way from our room! It was horrible and sounded so fake! I feel like some people I went to college with just wanted everyone to know they were having sex or something, because there’s no reason for people to be practically yelling at 5am or screaming so loudly you hear them from the other end of the hall.

Post # 16
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

@Galang_Gyal:  SO TRUE. I’m pretty loud in bed, involuntarily, but there’s a time and a place. Big empty house? Absolutely. Apartment with thin walls and neighbors I know are sleeping/eating/EXISTING? Time to exercise some restraint.

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