Post # 1
I really need some help. My fiance and I have been engaged since November of 2010, and we set the date for our August 4th wedding last year. My roommate from college (who I had a huge falling out with…after many attempts at reconciliation on my part), who got engaged late last year, just set her date for the same day!
What kills me is that members of our WEDDING PARTY live with both her and her groom, respectively, and they were well aware of the date we chose. Now, our massive group of common friends will have to choose between the two, and our own best man’s girlfriend will be a bridesmaid in HER wedding!
We are sad and furious at such a tacky, selfish decision. We collectively wrote them a message yesterday (no response yet), and are waiting to hear what they have to say. Some of our mutual friends have expressed their anger, as well, as they’ve tried to convince them to change their date.
I need some advice…but I’m feeling discouraged and that they won’t change the date. I just can’t wrap my head around the motive behind this. She tried to make my life miserable my freshman year of college…there’s no way she’s going to try to ruin our day! What should I do?
Post # 3
Ugh! What a horrible situation.
It would be hard, but I think I would try to take the high road. I would probably write an email to your guests that would be invited to both and saying you understand this is a awkward situation, but you completely understand whatever decision they come to. (Something more eloquent). You can’t make her change the date, but you can come across in a better light than her.
Also, if I had two friends set their wedding on the same date, I would attend the one that I knew about first.
Post # 4
@Crabbabs: I agree.
Reach out nicely to the affected guests now. Let them know you know the issue and understand the predicament they are in.
Be the better person by being gracious about everything that has happened. Tell them you hope they will be able to attend your wedding, but will understand if they cannot for whatever reason.
This is a terrible situation, I’m really sorry.
Post # 5
WHAT THE HELL? she needs a good punch in the face! They obviously did this on purpose! That is just low, and evil. It is a good thing that you had a falling out..because she is obviously not a good person and prob doesn’t deserve any good people around her. She is essentially puting all of your mutual friends in a terrible situation. Have your Save-The-Date Cards gone out yet? Invitations? I know you may hate this but… could you move your wedding up if you haven’t sent anything yet?
Post # 6
I agree with crab. If the people knew about yours first and then choose to go to hers well, then I suggest you find a new cicle of friends.
Post # 7
Unbelievable. Yes, you definitely need to contact the affected people and emphasize not your own discomfort and rage (which are totally justified!), but how awkward they must feel and how you will understand, whatever decision they make. This is not only A) the genuinely nice thing to do, because you are a good person and have sympathy for your friends, but B) heightens the contrast between your classiness and your former friend’s PURE CRAZY.
Post # 8
I agree with talking to your guests– appearing gracious and kind will get you everywhere. If my roommate scheduled a wedding on the same day of a friend, I’d go to the one I knew about first and consider the roommate a jerk.
Post # 8
That is absolutely ridiculous. Even if she/they don’t like you… why put their friends, people they like, through this? Does she think nobody will go to your wedding if hers is on the same day? Oy.
I’d definitely take the high road, but be very open about it. I second a PP suggestion to write everyone an eloquent, polite, warm message about how you understand if they choose a different wedding and be very gracious toward everyone who attends yours. It may be that most see through her tackiness and choose your event in the long run. I know if this happened and I were friends with both people, I’d choose the couple who had set the date first.
Post # 9
We haven’t sent STD’s out yet…apparently, she’s emailed SOME people, but I don’t know if our mutual friends are included or not. To make things more complicated, they still live in Santa Barbara (where all of our college friends live), while we’re an hour north, and our wedding is 45 minutes north of THAT. I feel like some of our friends (not our SUPER close friends) will go to theirs out of convenience…which is somewhat understandable, considering ours is 2 hours away.
I’m talking to one of my good friends (and one of her bridesmaids) later today. I’m eager to hear how they came to that decision…I want to try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but they HAD to know if we picked ours so early, and their roommates were well aware, right?
Thanks for sharing in my rage 🙂 haha
Post # 10
@MrsNeutrino: If we could move our date, we would. However, since we’re the ones who booked it in OCTOBER, all of our vendors are confirmed for that day 🙁
Post # 11
I suppose my question would be, why would one of your good friends agree to be in someone else’s wedding (outside of being a sibling of course) on the same day?
Post # 12
Wow that is… terrible. They are extremely selfish for doing this to you and your circle of friends.
I would try and ignore them, but as for your friends, they should be sticking by you. If they are not sticking by you, you need to reconsider whether or not these people are “friends”.
Post # 13
Thanks, everyone. I understand what you’re saying as far as the majority of our friends. When it comes to our friends who are supposed to be in their wedding, however, I’m torn. They probably agreed to be in their wedding as soon as they got engaged, and now they’re in the middle of this mess since they went ahead and picked the same fricking day. Really, they are probably closer to this other couple, but it still hurts. Isn’t it too much to expect them to “boycott” their wedding?
To me, it’s not so much a matter of whether these specific people are our friends or not, but who they’re closer to. And obviously, they are closer to this couple, since they’re in their wedding. I just feel like the bride is trying to be competitive and ensure that her closest friends won’t be at our wedding 🙁
Post # 14
Wow, I would not try to reason with her as she sounds insane for doing something like that. I think since she just set her date, while you have concrete plans in place that she might listen if your friends say to her; hey her date was set first and while we would love to attend your wedding it wouldn’t be possible. I’m not advising that you put your friends in the middle. But talk to only the really close ones, and I think if enough people give them shit about it she will see that it isn’t worth it.
As for the mutual friends who you aren’t really close with, I suggest you just let it go it won’t be a big deal if they don’t attend your wedding since they aren’t super close friends! I think if you act gracious, calm, and rational people will respect that and see your ex friends behavior for what it is. You also may be surprised at how many people would enjoy getting out of town for the weekend because you are in driving distance, so they might still come. Good luck! I would love to find out how this all ends.
Post # 15
I have no advice but WHAT THE HECK! Thats crazy