(Closed) Furious about a “Bride Wars” type situation…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ugh! What a horrible situation. 

It would be hard, but I think I would try to take the high road. I would probably write an email to your guests that would be invited to both and saying you understand this is a awkward situation, but you completely understand whatever decision they come to. (Something more eloquent). You can’t make her change the date, but you can come across in a better light than her. 

Also, if I had two friends set their wedding on the same date, I would attend the one that I knew about first. 

Post # 4
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Crabbabs:  I agree.

Reach out nicely to the affected guests now. Let them know you know the issue and understand the predicament they are in. 

Be the better person by being gracious about everything that has happened. Tell them you hope they will be able to attend your wedding, but will understand if they cannot for whatever reason. 

This is a terrible situation, I’m really sorry.

Post # 5
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

WHAT THE HELL? she needs a good punch in the face! They obviously did this on purpose! That is just low, and evil. It is a good thing that you had a falling out..because she is obviously not a good person and prob doesn’t deserve any good people around her. She is essentially puting all of your mutual friends in a terrible situation. Have your Save-The-Date Cards gone out yet? Invitations? I know you may hate this but… could you move your wedding up if you haven’t sent anything yet?

Post # 6
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with crab.  If the people knew about yours first and then choose to go to hers well, then I suggest you find a new cicle of friends. 

Post # 7
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Unbelievable. Yes, you definitely need to contact the affected people and emphasize not your own discomfort and rage (which are totally justified!), but how awkward they must feel and how you will understand, whatever decision they make. This is not only A) the genuinely nice thing to do, because you are a good person and have sympathy for your friends, but B) heightens the contrast between your classiness and your former friend’s PURE CRAZY.

Post # 8
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I agree with talking to your guests– appearing gracious and kind will get you everywhere.  If my roommate scheduled a wedding on the same day of a friend, I’d go to the one I knew about first and consider the roommate a jerk. 

Post # 8
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

That is absolutely ridiculous. Even if she/they don’t like you… why put their friends, people they like, through this? Does she think nobody will go to your wedding if hers is on the same day? Oy.

I’d definitely take the high road, but be very open about it. I second a PP suggestion to write everyone an eloquent, polite, warm message about how you understand if they choose a different wedding and be very gracious toward everyone who attends yours. It may be that most see through her tackiness and choose your event in the long run. I know if this happened and I were friends with both people, I’d choose the couple who had set the date first.

Post # 11
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I suppose my question would be, why would one of your good friends agree to be in someone else’s wedding (outside of being a sibling of course) on the same day?

Post # 12
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Wow that is… terrible. They are extremely selfish for doing this to you and your circle of friends.

I would try and ignore them, but as for your friends, they should be sticking by you. If they are not sticking by you, you need to reconsider whether or not these people are “friends”.

Post # 14
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow, I would not try to reason with her as she sounds insane for doing something like that. I think since she just set her date, while you have concrete plans in place that she might listen if your friends say to her; hey her date was set first and while we would love to attend your wedding it wouldn’t be possible. I’m not advising that you put your friends in the middle. But talk to only the really close ones, and I think if enough people give them shit about it she will see that it isn’t worth it.

As for the mutual friends who you aren’t really close with, I suggest you just let it go it won’t be a big deal if they don’t attend your wedding since they aren’t super close friends!  I think if you act gracious, calm, and rational people will respect that and see your ex friends behavior for what it is. You also may be surprised at how many people would enjoy getting out of town for the weekend because you are in driving distance, so they might still come. Good luck! I would love to find out how this all ends.

Post # 15
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I have no advice but WHAT THE HECK! Thats crazy

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