(Closed) Furious at my Brother and I may not invite him to the wedding.

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1162 posts
Bumble bee

shionna16:  wow! What an offensive and ridiculous rant from your brother!  I’m not surprised you’re so angry, how long until the wedding?  Do you have te to wait to see if you get less angry? Not inviting him is a big decision but one you are completely allowed to make but be aware it may permanently damage your relationship (if his rant hasn’t already). How come you’re backing down and letting his rant alter your and your fiancés decision about your names?

Post # 3
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013


shionna16:  I wouldnt have backed down on your fiance taking the name. Its not like your family is THE ONLY FAMILY with that last name. There are likely people who are not related to you with that last name. Is your brother married? Did his wife take his last name? I dont see how thats any different. You are choosing to unite yourself with someone for the rest of your life. Why can he not take on your last name in some way? I personally would still haveyour fiance take your name if it means that miuch to you and just not tell your brother.

I think your brother is being a grade A asshole about it and needs a reality check.

As far as a wedding invite goes, NOT inviting him will do more damage than anything. If you would like to strain your relationship further, dont invite him.

Post # 5
14731 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Just out of curiousty, what is your nationality?   How does your Fiance feel about this?

Post # 6
10978 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I don’t understand why you would agree to drop your plan “out of respect” for your brother, if you are not planning to invite him to the wedding. At that point, what difference does it make?  

I would have told your brother this is none of his business and if he will never forgive you, that is his issue to deal with. Then I’d invite him to the wedding.  Ball in his court. 

Post # 7
5 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

For what it’s worth, I think my brother would have felt similarly if I had wanted my husband to take my last name in some way.  My brother loves my husband, but I think it’s about being a “man” in one’s family and not wanting that taken away.  It’s a territory thing.  The way your brother presented it was completely out of line and unacceptable and that should be addressed, but I don’t think his reaction would be different from many other people given the situation.

Post # 8
5226 posts
Bee Keeper

shionna16:  Join his tribe? Are we all still hunter gatherers? It is just as much your name as it is his, and yours to do with as you wish.

Post # 9
30 posts

My husband took my last name and his family wasn’t thrilled about it, but we’ve been married for over two years now and they’re over it. I think your husband taking your last name as his middle name is a beautifully symbolic way to bring your family together. I think/hope your brother was writing impulsively and will regret his statements later.

I really think you should continue with your original plans and let your brother calm down. If he doesn’t and misses your wedding, that’s his childish attitude and loss. 

Post # 12
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My husband and I both hyphenated to mylast-hislast. My family LOVES it. There were lots of ‘welcome to the family’s at the wedding and my parents crack jokes of ‘you’re a mylast now, do you do stereotypical mylast thing too?’

I think your brother was way out of line and that it is not his place to decide what your Fiance does with his name.

Post # 13
7658 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

shionna16:  Your brother is being ridiculous. But, that is no reason to not invite him to the wedding. To not invite a brother to a wedding it needs to be really serious, like abuse or threatening your fiance. Definitely still invite your brother to your wedding.

Post # 15
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Wow, you’re right, your brother is acting like such a chauvinist ass. Now that he has shown his true colors, you know that he is not worth keeping in the loop about what you and your husband plan to do about your name.

I say invite him to the wedding, but refuse to talk with him anymore about anything name related. If he asks what you guys decided to do, just say, “I won’t talk with you about that subject. You’ve made your opinion very clear, and I disagree with you, and that’s all I’ll say on the matter.”

Then, go ahead with your plan of having your husband change his name. It’s not like your brother will ever have any reason in the future to try and figure out his brother-in-law’s middle name.

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