(Closed) FURIOUS that DH's brother comes over for $

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is it a good idea that I am not going to be there tonight?
    Yes, you should do what's best for you : (44 votes)
    73 %
    No, you should be there : (13 votes)
    22 %
    Other (pelase explain) : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4524 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @temporary:  I do not think it’s healthy OR productive to hide your true feelings, so yes, I think being honest was a good choice.

     

    My mother is incredibly irresponsible and is starting to tap dance around asking for money. We arent even MARRIED yet and yesterday my Boyfriend or Best Friend said “I think it’s insane how you let her dump on you, but be damned if I’m ok with you giving her money or jewelry because she cant keep her life together.”

     

    Is it my money and jewelry? Yes. Is he right? Yes. Did I love hearing his opinion? No, but it was still the right thing to tell me.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2961 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    What would be the alternative? Keeping your opinons and feelings inside and let them eat away at you?

    Post # 5
    Member
    1549 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    i think you should talk with your Darling Husband again, he needs to stop doing that.

    Of course his brother is accepting the money, i bet he likes an extra income

    Post # 7
    Member
    601 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I say you did the right thing by speaking up I agree with pp’s you can’t keep in inside only to regret it and let it eat at you eventually it could errode your relationship with both Darling Husband and BIL and cause major resentment. Hopefully you guys can talk it out later.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1041 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    This situation would also make me uncomfortable.

     

    You’re married, and your opinion should count, even if your money is kept separate.  Money and family are tricky things to mix.  I would lean toward being present at the dinner and talking to BIL myself, if it were me.  Non-confrontational, but your Darling Husband is at risk of being a serious long term crutch to his brother at this point.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2893 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would finish discussing my feelings on the matter with Darling Husband then also make sure I’m present at the dinner as a silent reminder of whatever agreement we came to.

    Post # 11
    Member
    313 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2005

    His brother is old enough to be on his own two feet.  It’s great that your Darling Husband was helping him when he hadn’t had a job but now that he does it’s time for him to put on his big boy pants and stop leeching off yall.  I’m sure your Darling Husband doesn’t appreciate hearing it but you both ARE married and you should have weight for an opinion but until he decides to cut the brother off he’s only enabling him.  If the brother did anything to help around the house or assist yall in any way then that’s another thing but if he’s just taking money and skipping off with it then he’s not doing anything other then leeching.

    You did the right thing by giving your opinion, it’s just not healthy to sit and stew over something that truly bothers you and your Darling Husband needs to take that into account. I don’t know if you should be at the dinner, unless you think you can handle it you probably shouldn’t go.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    313 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2005

    @temporary:  That is fishy.  What EXACTLY is he doing with his money?  And if he can’t afford his home maybe he should sell the thing and rent until he gets back on his feet.  Running to brother isn’t an answer but until your Darling Husband steps back it’s going to be the only answer the BIL knows.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1041 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @temporary:  When you were there for the dinner, what was your role?  Were you an observer, or a participant in the conversation?  I’m just curious about whether the subject was brought up or not.

    It really seems to boil down to your husband brushing off your opinion of the situation. 

    I would expect to hear some sort of justification from my Darling Husband about why he’s still giving money to his brother after his brother found employment.  I’m so confused about why you’re not a part of the decision process.  My Fiance and I have our money separate, but he still runs decisions like that past me, as I do him.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I am coming from the school of thought that married people should always share finances. When you’re married, it’s no longer mine and yours, it’s OURS. Situations like this would be much easier to address if you had joint accounts. Any reason why you keep your money separate?

    I don’t know what to say about your BIL accepting money from your Darling Husband, but I do think it’s his place to put the kibosh on it (or not). 

    I am a little unclear of something, though. If your Darling Husband doesn’t feel that it’s a problem, why do you? 

    The topic ‘FURIOUS that DH's brother comes over for $’ is closed to new replies.

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