Post # 1
Almost since we got engaged we’ve been planning to be married by my FI’s grandfather, a semi-retired pastor from out of state.
We arranged months ago to send in the necessary paperwork for his registration in New York and were today informed that the application was denied because he’s not the active head of a specific congregation right this very minute. Nevermind that he continues to lead services, has letters from congregants and the head pastor attesting to his relationship with the church, a certificate of ordination, etc. Because he’s not the active leader the application was denied.
He married my FI’s parents and we were hugely attached to the idea, as he’s also getting up in years.
Nevermind that people are regularly married in this city by friends who are ordained on the internet.
I’m so angry (and potentially sad) I feel sick.
Post # 3
That’s bull!!! Can you call and ask why he was denied when people are ordained on the INTERNET for crying out loud? I hope you fight it! = ( That’s not fair!
Post # 4
I’m sick for you. Would he be totally hurt if you asked him to get ordained on the internet to make it work? I think that’s such a great tradition, to have family marry you – we’re doing it and I’ll watch out for that. How incredibly sh-tty.
Post # 5
I was thinking the same thing as hopewell, if they aren’t willing to work with them at least you have the option to do it on the internet. my brother married us and it literally took him 2 minutes to fill out the form and cost $12 to have the certificate mailed
Post # 6
if it’s so easy to get the internet thing, just have him sign up. pay for it if you feel bad.. no worries!
Post # 7
That is absolutely ridiculous. I say fight it and see if they budge, and if not see if he’s willing to either do the internet thing, or if he can be deputized by the state (is that the same as being registered?) for 24 hours. I don’t know if New York has that, but California does…
Post # 8
He’s uncomfortable with the inernet thing, unfortunately, and I totally understand why.
Worst case scenario we will have him perform the ceremony and will have a civil service on the following Monday down at the courthouse.
Post # 9
I agree with Melissabegins. Just get him ordained on the internet. Yes, it sucks all around, but he’ll still be able to marry you and really, no one will be the wiser.
Post # 10
That’s NOT cool! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this! I know it’s such a personal & important thing to you guys, I really hope yall get it figured out.
Post # 11
That is so freakin ridiculous! We were “officially” married by a magazine editor because the magazine was doind a story on couples who were opting for civil services because of the economy, etc. We won a contest to get married in their offices instead. The editor did the internet thing too so it would be official. It is crazy to think that an out-of-state pastor is denied. Ugh, I feel for ya!
Post # 12
he can still perform the ceremony. you could do the paperwork with someone else! The legal part is just that- jegal paperwork mumbo jumbo what matters is your day and your tradition!
Post # 13
We had the exact same thing happen to us – in fact, the friend who was going to marry us had been granted the one-day license four other times in the same state. Ergh. We ended up having a civil ceremony done by a lawyer near the court house two days before the wedding, and then going ahead and doing the ceremony as planned by our friend. It was a disappointment when we had to do the civil ceremony, but by the day of the wedding, we had kind of forgotten all about it.
Post # 14
That’s bollocks! Sometimes I really wonder about the “system.” Who exactly does this red tape help??
Post # 15
I just wanted to let you know that we had the same issue when my sister got married in New York. She wanted my stepdad to marry her–he is a retired minister without his own congregation. We had some trouble with New York but went through a few things to get it worked out so that he could meet all their weird rules. If you want the specifics on what we had to do and we worked around it, PM me and I’ll get the info from my sister for you. She was pretty frustrated too, but it got worked out and he performed their ceremony in Central Park. It was beautiful!