(Closed) Future BIL wants his year and a half old daughter as flower girl???

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
5226 posts
Bee Keeper

Lexiboo:  It’s your wedding. If you don’t want a toddler as your flower girl, that is your choice. The logistics of that would be sketchy at best, so I don’t see why they are offended. It isn’t like she is going care either way.

Post # 3
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t think you are wrong. It is the choice of you and Fiance.

However, I had kids ages 7, 4, 4, 2, 1.5 and 2 months in our wedding and they all did great. The 2 year old got confused when her parents walked down without her and ran after them, but it was without fuss and all others went down perfectly.  Could have ended in disaster though, which I was totally okay with. 

Post # 4
46757 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Lexiboo:  You get to choose your wedding party. I assume Future Brother-In-Law and his wife did the same for their wedding. The daughter is too young to care or remember.

Post # 5
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

We had the exact same problem.  My sister-in-law took a passing comment I made about her daughter being a flower girl for basically a contract, and when we decided to go with my nieces, who were old enough to walk in a straight line and not freak out, she got upset and claimed we’d “demoted” her daughter.  UGH.

She got over it.  

Post # 6
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think you are being sensible to question whether a child as young as that will really understand what she’s supposed to do as a flower girl or want to co-operate when the time comes. At 18 months she’ll have to be accompanied up the aisle by a parent or someone she’s very familiar with and also, toddlers of this age are notoriously unpredictable! Ultimately it is up to you although I don’t know whether I’d want a family drama over it. But equally, your future Brother-In-Law is being a little unrealistic in his expectations of her.

Post # 7
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

He has some nerve. You can pick whoever you want. My friend was upset that I wouldn’t pick her 3-year old son as our ring bearer bc he cannot behave ever! Just because a child of the same age behaves for someone else’s wedding it doesn’t mean one will for yours. Most of the time they are too young at that age to understand what’s going on. My best friend had a 2-yr old as her ringbearer. His parents weren’t in the bridal party and he was a terror and wouldn’t listen. He ended up throwing the ring pillow and running down the aisle crying to his mom who was sitting up front. Most guests laughed but we were glad to not have to deal with him anymore. 

Post # 8
4040 posts
Honey bee

Maybe it’s time to decide on an adult-only wedding?

Post # 9
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think you are perfectly correct. Maybe you could compromise with your Future Brother-In-Law by still dressing her up in a cute dress and including her in some of the pictures. Really, having a child that age in the ceremony probably will not add to the sacredness of the ceremony; I honestly would guess they expected she would be “cute”.

Post # 10
6224 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

I think you are right, 18 months is too young.  Also, who is in the wedding party is your decision, not anyone else’s.

Post # 11
215 posts
Helper bee

I agree with the others that it’s your wedding and your choice…and your reasoning is completly legit. I would make your fiance handle him, since they’re brothers. 

Maybe do a test run and get her to walk 50 ft. in a straight line while throwing flower petals to see if she can handle it.

You could also find an older female family member to walk down the aisle with her. 

My FSIL’s daughter will be our flowergirl. She’ll be 3 and a half. Because I’m not asking my Future Sister-In-Law to be a bridesmaid, I’ll ask her to walk with her daughter down the aisle to make sure our flowergirl doesn’t go astray. 

But if you ultimately don’t want her to be a flowergirl, your Brother-In-Law will just have to get over it. =]

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  amstudent1.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  amstudent1. Reason: spelling--aisle, not isle :)
Post # 12
928 posts
Busy bee

Good for you for putting your foot down. You don’t need a toddler making a spectacle of herself and potentially ruining from the ceremony. What are the odds that an 18 month old will cooperate and not freak out? I have seen/heard some horror stories.

Post # 13
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Toddlers alone are a horrible idea.  They either need an adult to carry them or an older child to guide them.  They rarely manage to do the assigned task.  Kids aren’t developmentally ready to “take orders” until they are 4-5 (thus pre-school!!!!) An 18mo has just freaking mastered object permianacy for crying out loud.

Post # 14
2189 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

ClassicCorvette:   agree — dress her up to match & take a few pics but sit her with a grand parent (or aunt etc)

if around the wedding you think she will actually be ok to walk then do it but have her go to someone vs stand up with the Bridal Party

Post # 15
560 posts
Busy bee

my son will be a little over a year at our wedding and he is going to be a ring bearer. My niece is 18 months right now and I think she could totally do it, especially if she has a family member at the end of the aisle to walk/run to.


That having been said, its your wedding and your decision.

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