(Closed) Future BIL’s Fiancee

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

ugh. I think you might just have to bite your tongue on this one. Whether you like it, is sounds like she is here to stay, and anything family related, you should include her in. Imagine it the other way- say they got married first and she asked you not to be in the family photographs…?

Did she do something completely awful to you, or does she just bug you? I think you need to not worry about her and just focus on yourself and your wedding and know that people who act that way are usually masking some insecurity or jealousy. Be the bigger person, it’s the best way to keep things calm. 

Post # 4
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think it is a good idea to be the bigger person and welcome her as if she was already "IN" the family (she is almost there)…or at least extend her the invitation to take pictures with "the family" (you’ll look like a gracious bride in front of your inlaws!)  =)

Post # 5
40 posts

i agree with ginabean as far as keeping the situation calm. i think it’s best to do that especially for the sake of your BIL and your relationship with ILs of course. 

as far as family photo, i think you might have a control over this a little bit. Maybe you can request your photographer to do a FAMILY ONLY picture… just a snap or two. i do think it’s okay not to include her. you can probably discuss with your photographer about this. i would think she’ll be okay with that. that’s just my opinion.

Post # 6
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

i am not sure about quickbrownfox’s comment.

 she’s pretty much family now….even though you dont like her. view her as that cousin that you detest but are related to. very similiar situation.

 you could maybe do shots such as bride and groom with siblings only. this would cut her out but cut out any other spouses that you might actually like.

 otherwise, i would recommend that you include her. if it were the other way around, and she was getting married first, but didnt have you in the "formal family pics" would you understand?

personally, i wouldn’t.

Post # 7
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

You can absolutely do picture categories that don’t include her – bride’s siblings and parents only, groom’s siblings and parents only, you and the groom with both your parents, boys only, wedding part only… but you do have to do some family pictures including her.  You don’t have to stand next to her.  You do have to be really careful – as if you make this too overt you could end up offending your Future Brother-In-Law as well, and end up with some long-term resentment, causing problems between your Fiance and his brother.  Then other family members start to take sides about whether your behavior was appropriate or not, and then you can’t all sit down for Thanksgiving dinner together without it coming up. 

Post # 8
236 posts
Helper bee

I agree that you have to include her but she will only be in a few pictures.  Especially if there are no other wives/husbands of your FI’s siblings.  There are lots of ways to exclude her without being rude.

Brothers pictures, parents with kids, couple with the parents, couple with the siblings, etc. 

But be sure to have a picture of you with BIL and BIL’s Fiance so that you include her – you don’t have to dispay this in your home.  Also, you are stuck with her in the full group family portrait.

To exclude her entirely would be burning bridges that are best left standing if she is going to be a nenber of the family.

Post # 9
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I think you can take all the typical fam pics with just the actual fam – no SO’s, and then one with the SO’s this way you get what you want, they don’t feel left out and you can print what you want to from the proofs.


Post # 10
27 posts
  • Wedding: July 2008

Put her on the end and then crop her out  ; )

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