(Closed) Future BIL’s girlfriend…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Do you have a personal attendant yet?  I would not ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  If you arent close to her then it makes no sense to me.  

Post # 4
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My fiance has been in 2 weddings since we have been engaged. Never did I make a big deal over me being a part of the wedding party. Its simply because I was not as close to the bride as he was. It wont be fare to you to have to have her as a bridesmaid and you are not close. It will just give you a reason to resent her if she screws something up. If it is such a big deal, have your fiance explain to his brother the reason behind the whole thing. You shouldnt have to deal with this drama by yourself, especially since it is his family.

Post # 5
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

i wasnt even in family wedding photos at my sister in laws wedding and i was engaged to her brother! so i think extending the invitation for photos is more than enough – that should make her feel really special and part of the family – i never expect to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in any of my SIL’s weddings (my husband has 7 sisters) and i’m really close with some of them but i know they have sisters and other friends that they may turn to before me.

i’m sure a lot of this stems from her wanting to be engaged and it happenening to you before her, hopefully when the time comes for her to plan her own wedding she wll understand where you were coming from on this.

good luck!

Post # 6
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

i agree. you are not obligated to choose her because she is in the family. the bridesmaids are your decision. dont feel pressured into including someone who is not one of your closest friends. ignore your Mother-In-Law. its your wedding, be happy. She will get over it. 

Post # 7
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You could make her a hostess and allow her to hand out programs. She needs to be happy with that. But, please don’t allow yourself to be bullied into making her a Bridesmaid or Best Man. (Although it sounds like you are not going for that).

 

 

Post # 9
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

As someone who was a “girlfriend” for over 6 years before my guy proposed. And having gone to two weddings of relatives where I wasn’t involved in the wedding but was still treated like part of the family (was asked to be in family photos, got to sit with the rest of the family, asked to help out with the showers, etc.) I understand.

I think you not having her as part of your bridal party is totally acceptable. Especially if her boyfriend (fiance’s brother) isn’t in the wedding party. It’s not like she’s going to be all alone during the wedding, she has the other family members and her boyfriend with her too. 

A few experiences:

Also, one family member met, proposed and married after my fiance and myself has been together for over two years and before we were even engaged. It can be hard; but if you really love who you are with and you aren’t all gung-ho about getting engaged/married right away then it shouldn’t matter if someone has a wedding before you. 

Fiance learned a lot about going to/being in so many weddings over the last few years. He’s realized what he does and does not like and actually come up with a few ideas for our wedding. 

Post # 11
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Stammie16:Eh she should be fine. There will be other family members around and she won’t be alone the whole time.

I was in a family member’s wedding, while my Fiance was alone with my family for a bit. 

He too was in a family member’s wedding, while I was alone with his family for a bit.

I can understand her being upset if you are completely ignoring her and not letting her be in any family photos or if anyone else in the family is ignoring her; but that doesn’t seem to be the case. 

If she still is pouty about the situation, then let her be pouty. She can’t have everything she wants. 

 

Post # 13
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Stammie16: What makes you feel this way? Is it anything they have actually done or said? I find that when I have something on my mind I sometimes imagine things that aren’t there. I probably wouldn’t bring it up myself, but I just think it might lead you to get talked into having an extra bridesmaid just to salve hurt feelings. You’re not being a bridezilla at all and if they are still upset they’ll get over it given time.

Post # 15
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Stammie16: I think everyone gets paranoid about these things. For instance, I avoided a phone call from someone who I thought was calling to complain about the wedding and the call turned out to be about something else entirely.

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