(Closed) Future BM looking for some advice

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@LoggerHead91207:  I wouldn’t miss them. I would push yourself to go no matter how terrified you are – and go to as many of them as you can. While you don’t know all the people in the parties yet – you will by the time the wedding rolls around. They will all be just as nervous 🙂 Just roll with it.

It will get easier with each new event. Sometimes I have to push my Fiance to interact socially but almost always – once he gets to the event and interacts a little he ends up enjoying himself.

If you get nervous – find a mantra. Focus on things like – how often will you see these people ever again? If you did make a complete fool of yourself (fell while walking down the aisle) – what is the Honest-to-God worst outcome? People will laugh? You’ll scrape a knee? All in all anxiety comes from building things up bigger then they are in reality – take a step back when you start getting nervous and ask yourself the real-world implications/consequences of ‘messing up’ in your current situation.

Almost always they are minimal – you just have to remind yourself of that and try to relax. 

Post # 5
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t have this issue, I love social settings and I’m an extrovert mostly. That being said, I would assume your sister and friend know your persoality type. Hopefully they are sensitive to that and will plan accordingly. Maybe for a bachelorette party they do an intimate dinner followed by the craziness, and you can bow out of the wild festivities, etc… Try not to get worked up about things you cannot control, and don’t borrow trouble before it’s there. I DO have anxiety sometimes, and I also over think things. Both of these weddings are far away but you are already giving yourself anxiety about them! Don’t borrow trouble! Try to relax, realize it’s suppose dto be fun, and realize what will be will be. WHEN you get to the point of parties, and the social events, deal with them as they come. if you have to excuse yourself from part of something to take a deep breath, THAT IS OK! 

Also, just let these girls know you are honored to be in their weddings, and you love them and their fiance’s so much, but that youa re concerned about your anxiety, and you will try to be there for them the best way you know how. I’m sure you will feel a lot better if you say up front what your fears are, and if they know you they way they should, they shouldn’t be surprised by any of it.

Post # 6
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@LoggerHead91207:  The restroom idea is good – but also practice NOT running from the situation. RIght while you are in the heat of an anxiety rush – learn to start talking yourself down.

“This is ok – I am not in danger – no one is judging me – I am not going to ruin my life by saying something silly – I look fine – these people are kind and sweet – etc etc…”

Hopefully you can build up your self talk enough so you are able to fend off an anxiety build up before it happens and then in the long term you can cut them out for good!

Post # 8
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Smile, introduce yourself, help with anything you can (decorating for a shower, etc). This will go a long way! As long as the bride is happy and relaxed at these events, usually most of the other people are too.

You can always go to a bar, smile, ask questions or listen, order a fancy non alcoholic drink. You’ll be fine.

I’m sure the bride knows you well, but you could mention to be left off any lists for readers, speeched, toasts, etc.

Post # 9
496 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LoggerHead91207:  I was a bridesmaid for someone when I was 14 and I didn’t know anyone but the bride and her sister. The wedding party had 7. I attended the shower, the bachlorette party (not the bar part though – just at someones house) rehearsal dinner, etc. etc. 

I am extremely shy, so I can tell you it wasn’t easy. I stuck to people I knew (my mom haha). I don’t talk a lot, and I was probably super silent unless someone asked me something directly. I helped at the shower by passing gifts and also writing what the gift was on the cards. 

I was not prepared for the bachlorette party. There were no strippers or anything, but there was a cake and baloons and stuff… I didn’t realize it was about that ‘stuff’ and I felt really really uncomfortable. I wish my mom had warned me haha. But I got through it. 

I’m not sure if you drink or not, but now I find that I’m more talkative when I’ve had a drink or two. I’m still pretty quiet and I get nervous, but I’m not AS shy. 

I think you should give an effort to be at the events. I think the bride would appreciate it.

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