(Closed) Future brother-in-law makes me want to scream!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You are absolutely NOT overreacting.  In fact, I would have slapped the crap out of him by now.  However, being that he’s your FI’s brother, I guess I can see why you haven’t done that.  But, you definitely need to put a stop to this.  His behavior is rude, crass and disrespectful, on so many levels.  I understand you may not want to make a scene.  But – you really need  to make a scene.  Make a huge deal out of it, and make sure his wife (is he married?), his family, and your Fiance all know that he is crossing the line, as far as you are concerned.  This is not for polite discussion.  He needs to know you REALLY mean it – for him to back the hell off.  Don’t let him get away with it, he has some serious issues, that’s pretty disgusting behavior.  You deserve better than to be treated like that!  I know it’s a sensitive and touchy situation, but you need to make it clear to your Fiance that you will never allow that behavior ever again the future, or there will be hell to pay.

Post # 5
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Gross! It sounds like he’s trying to make multiple passes at you. What kind of brother does that?!? I would definitely have your Fiance talk to him and make sure he makes it clear that you’re uncomfortable with what he’s putting forward. And make sure he says that HE’S uncomfortable with his brother’s actions too! You shouldn’t have to deal with that every time you’re together.

Post # 6
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@FutureMrs86:  Obviously that man has issues.  There really isn’t a need for much conversation.  Lay down the law and have your Fiance lay it down, too.  Your Future Brother-In-Law is not allowed to message you on Facebook, kiss you, touch your body, or in any way ever disrespect you again.  Or he will have to face the consequences of being cut out of both of your lives.  Some people only understand a strong message and if he is the kind of man who sees nothing wrong with crossing such boundaries as coming onto his own brother’s fiancee, then he is the kind of man who needs to be TOLD in no uncertain terms that his behavior is completely unacceptable to the two of you.  I understand that since you’re younger he may be a little intimidating to you.  And, believe me, he is using that to his advantage.  Please understand that someone like him could potentially even be dangerous to you (rape?) and he could say you led him on.  Because in his TWISTED mind, if you don’t slap the crap out of him, you LIKE IT and you’re leading him on.  Please protect yourself and your relationship with your Fiance.  Don’t let it go on, ever again.

Post # 9
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@FutureMrs86:   I hope he never does anything to cause you harm.  Hopefully he lives far enough away to not be too much of a problem.  I would also recommend that when you don’t have a choice but to be around him, to stick to your Fiance closely and never be alone with him.  Avoid him as much as possible after this.  I wish you all the best!

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@Sunfire:  You are so absolutely right. He could totally twist this around and force himself on OP and act like she was the one who wanted him to do that.

@FutureMrs86:  You totally need to have your Fiance address this. The fact that you feel uncomfortable should be enough for him to say something to him. And if he does it again…do what Sunfire says and tell him, loudly, that you didn’t appreciate that he just grabbed your *ss or kissed you on the lips and that it makes you uncomfortable. He needs to stop or it could escalate into something that you’re just not prepared for. 

Post # 13
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@FutureMrs86:   ((Hugs))  You don’t really need to understand it.  Suffice it to say it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.  He sounds messed up.  Just stay away from him as much as possible.  Harmless flirting is one thing.  But putting your hands on your brother’s fiancee is disgusting.  He does this to every woman who lets him get away with it.  So, don’t let him get away with it any more.  He probably thinks because he’s older he can intimidate the two of you into letting him do whatever inappropriate things he wants to and you’ll be too unsure and confused to do anything about it.  He is taking advantage of you.  And since you are a normal and nice person you don’t understand it and feel confused.  Bottom line is, he is wrong and he’s counting on you to remain silent.  Be stronger than that. 

ETA:  Also, please don’t feel bad that you were too stunned to react.  I would have been shocked into silence as well.  It’s not your fault and you have done nothing wrong, ever.  He did it on purpose exactly that way to take you off guard.  It’s a very predatory behavior on his part.  Please take care of yourself.

Post # 15
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@FutureMrs86:  Good luck!  Keep us posted.

Post # 16
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with what everyone else has said. If I may add one suggestion – recognize that NO ONE has the right to touch your body without your permission. Women, especially young women, often feel like it would be “rude” to object to the kind of harassment your Future Brother-In-Law has been doing; we’re socialized to never say “no,” never make a scene, never make anyone embarrassed, etc. But asserting yourself, and your right to your own body, is NEVER rude. It is the most basic level of self-protection.

It is in no way your fault that your Future Brother-In-Law has been harassing you. That is entirely on him. But I’d encourage you to practice speaking up for yourself.  You are allowed to tell him “NO.”

The topic ‘Future brother-in-law makes me want to scream!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors