- 10 years ago
Hello everyone- I need some advice.
I have a sister, we’ll call M.
M and I are close, but have our issues. My parent’s have nutured a sense of entitlement and attitude problem in her which are troublesome now we’re adults (my dad lamented the other day that he has been an “enabler”). But whatever, I love her very much and I know deep down she means well.
M started dating G four month ago. We live in Wisconsin, he lives somewhere a few hours away in Canada and works 13 hours away. G has a weird work schedule- he works 36 days and comes home for six- 3 of those days they spend together. Essentially, they haven’t spent very much time together.
They are basically engaged.
I want to be happy. Really. The problem is I think he’s a liar. He’s 22 and claims to make 295,000 dollars a year fixing large machinery. To do this job, he went to trade school for six months. Is it possible? Maybe. It just sounds weird to me, especially because he’s always complaining about paying the mortgage on his “900,000 dollar” farm. He claims he bought it from his parents- but that doesn’t make sense either. He’s told my sister his father and mother didn’t make very much during their life time- how did they afford a 900,000 dollar farm that they didn’t farm on (his mother is a secretary, and his father working in a factory)?!
My sister refuses to ask though. She’s very weak.
M decided recently she was going to leave her job (which is a really great job, that pays amazingly well) to move in with him.
I wrote my sister an email while she was up there for her bithday this past weekend. I basically explained to her if she moves up there she’s moving to his country, on his terms, in his house, etc.. He’s very old fashioned, and wants a wife that does all the cooking/cleaning and works. He’s been very clear in his expectations, which I respect. My sister is not domestic. She is a slob, and can’t cook. My mother still does her laundry. I wanted her to really think about what she’s doing. Also, this guy wants a pre-nup which is fine. My dad had a conversation with me about it- my dad was under the impression G owned the farm- and I set him straight that he financed and is paying for it. I told my sister about the conversation, and how if she signs a pre-nup to make sure it’s mutually beneficial. I’ve said these things to her a million times verbally… I was writing so maybe she could sit on it while she was up there. I didn’t say anything negative about him in the email.
Well, G went through her email after she left and read what I wrote. Freaked out. Threatened to leave her. He was mad about what I said- but also that I knew how much the farm was worth.
M freaked out on me, asked me never to email her again.
She then called G back and convinced him to give her another chance. They are back together, making their plans and he now hates me. My sister is also distant from me, and has told me I’m lucky he’s away right now because he would “yell at me.”
I’m not going to lie, that pissed me off. This kid is obviously dumb enough to think yelling works on someone like me.
I feel like my sister is making a huge mistake- and everything I do to try and help makes it worse.
Amy I crazy? I feel like I’m in a soap opera and I’m the villian. I talked to my brother and he wants her to move up there, he thinks it would be good for her.
I’m just at a loss.