(Closed) Future daughter in law

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
8833 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

ediekn84:  Is this for real? You say “my darling son”? Out loud, to other people?

Plus all the rest….?

Post # 3
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

Are you contributing financially?  If not, then they do not have to discuss the wedding with you.  She does not have to invite you to see the venue or to any wedding fair or anything similar.

You said that they stopped their initial wedding plans because she said you were taking over.  This time around it seems that to keep her from feeling that they have decided to keep wedding talk with you to a minimum.  Honestly, you sound very overbearing.  And you seem to be expecting a lot from someone who you admit you don’t have a good relationship with.  And sorry, but this wedding is not about you and what you want.  It is their wedding to plan how they want.  So you need to take a step back.

Post # 4
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

If the initial wedding was cancelled because she felt you were “Taking over” then I am not surprised by any of this. In fact, it sounds like she is trying to be polite and accommodating while still keeping her distance. 

Take a hint : she doesn’t want you involved. You admit that you have a strained relationship. Just be friendly and if she needs you she will tell you.

FWIW, my mother in law got ready with the men! She certainly would have been welcome with us, but I didn’t think to ask her, and she was pleased to be spending the morning with her son.

Post # 5
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Yikes. You are not getting married. You are watching your son get married. End of story.

Post # 6
Member
3417 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I am in a very similar situation as your FDIL. I have no idea what her personality is like, but maybe try not to take offense because it could just be her personality. I like my Future Mother-In-Law just fine, but I have no desire to get her opinion on all of my wedding choices, and if I do she just disagrees and talks behind my back. It makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want a big traditional wedding and it never even occurred to me to ask her to go dress shopping with me! I ordered it online. It is nothing against her, it’s just that I have no desire to have a big dress shopping event.

It sounds like they are trying to keep quiet because of what happened last time. Whatever you said, it made her feel weird. And just going by my relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law, it’s not because either of us are being rude. We are just different and don’t quite understand each other. 

I do want to say that the list of things she didn’t do… It’s your son just as much. He didn’t invite you and neither did she. I think if you’re hurt, you should communicate that. But all you can do is try to see it from their perspective. It might not be personal. It’s just that your guys are on a different page. 

But I don’t know them at all so maybe she is doing this to be mean. All I know is that my Future Mother-In-Law sometimes thinks of me that way, and it breaks my heart because I don’t even know that what I’m doing is wrong. I’m just being myself. And I’m quiet, private, and low-key. Hope this help.

Post # 7
Member
386 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like you overstepped your boundaries before, she is still sore about it, and you’re going to suffer the consequences. 

A few questions: 
1. Did you ever apologize to them for being so overbearing?
2. Why do you expect to be treated the same way as the bride’s mom? 
3. Have you talked to your son about any of this? 

It’s true that your son is also getting married. You are not getting married. You’re going to have to take a back seat to a lot of the planning because, first, it’s not your wedding, and secondly, you already really hurt the bride’s feelings in the past and it doesn’t seem like you’re sorry for it. 

Also, stop making yourself out to be helpless. You’re an adult.

Post # 8
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

ediekn84:  Sounds like she was really upset the first time around and she almost didn’t get married to your son because of your interference. And you said it yourself that you two don’t have a great relationship. I feel like those 2 reasons are enough for her to want to keep you at bay. But you can politely ask your son if there’s any way to involve you and that you’ll do whatever she pleases and keep your opinion to a minimum. But honestly, if her wishes are for you to attend only and not help plan, they should be granted. It’s her wedding, something she probably has dreamt about her her whole life, she’s the bride. It’s your son but it’s not your wedding.

Post # 9
Member
3043 posts
Sugar bee

I feel as if this were a compendium of all the grievances brides have written about their Future Mother-In-Law, but from the MOG perspective. Bit strange…

Post # 10
Member
9172 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

ediekn84:  i did not include my mother in law or anyone from DH’s side of the family in any of the planning. i planned the wedding with my mom.  Darling Husband was only involved in venue, food, and music.  he wanted me to do everything else. 

i did invite Mother-In-Law to get her hair and makeup done with me.

 

i’m sorry you don’t feel included, but normally, the MOG is not.

 

 

Post # 12
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

[content moderated for name calling]

Post # 13
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

ediekn84:  Everything you’re saying is exactly what most Bee’s complain about on here.

Post # 14
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

OP, if this is real, clearly boundaries are a foreign concept to you and you learned nothing the first time the wedding was postponed as a result of your overbearing nature. 

You are owed NONE of the things you’re annoyed about. If you’re not paying, there’s no obligation to take you along. It’s not your wedding. 

Get  yourself and your agenda and allow your son and FDIL to enjoy their day. 

Post # 15
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

So this sounds like the relationship between my mother in law and I before our wedding. She is very head strong, as am I. Put two and two together it doesn’t always work out. I had an idea of what I wanted and there were times I felt like my mother in law tried to be overbearing and controlling. I felt like she wanted my husband to be a “momma’s boy” and take her side. So I decided I would plan it with my husband and really didn’t want her involved. Not to mention my sister in law got engaged 6 months before our wedding, so I felt like it would turn into a competition. Especially when I changed my dress. I would take her aside and have a heart to heart, but I would also back off. As much as it hurts. This is their wedding and coming from that situation, I wanted to feel Like I didn’t have the control from someone else. 

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