(Closed) Future daughter in law

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 61
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

[content moderated for name calling]

Post # 62
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

ajillity81:  +1 I did not include my Mother-In-Law in any planning, except the food tasting months after we booked. I didn’t invite her to dress shopping either. She isn’t MY mom. 

OP, why wouldn’t you get ready with YOUR son? Your place isn’t with the bride.

Post # 63
Member
2706 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

#1 I did take my Future Mother-In-Law venue hunting, but that was because we were married in DH’s home town, my parents are in another city (as are we) and she knew where she was going and offered to drive me around.  She offered to stay in the car at the venue (which of course I refused to let her do).  Had we been married in my home town, she wouldn’t have come with us.

#2 We pencilled in a date then checked with all family – but this one is on your son, not your FDIL.  Besides, with enough notice surely there can’t be anything SO important it would prevent you being there?

#3 I have a great relationship with my Mother-In-Law but really, if I had gone to any wedding expos it would have been on my own.

#4 If they feel like you took over planning last time, no wonder she’s vague. I’d be doing the same.

#5 “Every time I suggest something, she just smiles and says good idea” See my answer to point #4.

#6 “She won’t tell me what her wedding dress looks like, never mind let me see it”.  Some people want it to be a complete surprise.

#7 I didn’t invite my Mother-In-Law to get ready with me.  She went and had hair and makeup with my SIL (her daughter) and got ready at home with my now husband – I know she really valued that time with him.  Have you considered getting ready with your son?  And when my brother got married, my mum got ready at home (and so did he).  I don’t think you have any right to expect to get ready with her.  I LOVE my Mother-In-Law but having that time with just my family and best friend (who was my bridesmaid) was really special to me.

Post # 64
Member
2678 posts
Sugar bee

 

On th off-chance that this post i legit I say this with all due respect:

Mom, you need to take several steps back and take a seat.  Did you learn NOTHING the first time around?  You are pushing yourself into areas when you don’t belong.  Buy a pretty dress, get a nice hair style and pretty nail polish, host the pre-wedding dinner, smile, smile, SMILE.

Those who don’t remember the past, repeat it.

 

Post # 65
Member
4036 posts
Honey bee

Washingtonian:  She could have been married in 84? Who knows?

Post # 66
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Cellar 222

[content moderated for name calling]

Post # 67
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

ediekn84:  First, unless you are leaving out some significant details about your relationship with your son, he should have run the day by you and other guests of honor.  However your disappointment/hurt at not being asked should be reserved for your son and your son alone.

As for the other topics, your soon to be daughter-in-law is not obligated to take you dress shopping, show you her dress, invite you to get ready on the day of, or invite you along to bridal shows.  Although these are potentially lovely experiences that can bring two people closer together it is solely at the discretion of the bride.  Although you are entitled to feel however you feel, the most productive thing for your future relationship with this women is to get over this and realize you just aren’t that close yet and the wedding is not about you.  At most potentially mention to your son how you were hoping to be involved in her bridal experience to help cultivate a closer relationship with the women he will spent his life with.  Be hurt at the exclusion, but react by putting in the work to cultivate a relationship which would make her want to share these special times with you.

Now is the time to start putting in the hard work to build a good MIL/DIL relationship, not to get angry because she is not sharing enough of the most important day of HER and your SONS life with you.

My thoughts on the venue and date issues would change if you are hosting the wedding, but your future DIL still would not owe it to you to share the other once in a life time preparation moments.  

From someone who hopes to be a future DIL one day, I hope when I plan a wedding my future Mother-In-Law is less selfish than you come off in this post.  If it comes across to strangers on the jnternet, I’m sure it plays a part in why she doesn’t want you getting too close to her wedding preparation.

 

Post # 68
Member
6168 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Meh.

But great job getting folks’ ire up!

Post # 69
Bee
11812 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

Going To close this now so the mods can review. A reminder: calling other users a troll is against our Community Guidelines.

The topic ‘Future daughter in law’ is closed to new replies.

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