(Closed) Future Family In Law Rant – need to vent

posted 7 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yikes! Well like most in law issues, you have to make a plan between you and your Fiance and stick with it. 

People are always wiling to give opinions and be involved, it your choice what you allow yourself to put up with and agree with.

Stay strong!

 

Post # 4
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Icky.  Sorry its no fun dealing with them.  I am having issues with my Future Mother-In-Law too.  And Fiance is the only son with sisters as well. 

I feel like your mom may have hit it on the nail about how she is feeling left out and knows her opinion is not as strong as with her daughter so she needs to be a little more “pushy” about things.  You have done your best to try to include her so just stop sharing at this point. 

I also like to smile and nod and say “that’s a great idea, let’s put it on the shelf for now.”  And forget it!  haha.  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My mother wants to be involved, but she doesn’t want to spend a dime. I send her emails all the time and she always chimes in with her two cents, but I really only take her seriously if she agrees with me. If she has any other ideas and it means paying more or changing my original idea completely, and to something that I don’t even like, I just come up with a way to let her down easy and we move on. My FH’s mom hasn’t been involved at all and I don’t think she really wants to be, or at least she hasn’t voiced anything about it. She’s a little older (FH is 23 – Future Mother-In-Law is 60-something?) and also lives a few states away, not to mention she isn’t exactly technology-inclined. I guess I made it out pretty lucky :/ I’m sorry you’re having issues. If it were me, like I said above, I’d just find a way to let her down easy and if she wants to continue to complain, that’s her prerogative. I can understand how that would be annoying but in the end it’s your wedding, and you’re gonna do it YOUR way. Maybe try having a conversation with the two of them and explain that to them? But that may be easier for me, since I’m pretty blunt. Lol

Post # 6
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

@Jkeeling27: Oh sweetie! You are telling my story! Lol! My fiance’s family is not contributing anything financially (which is fine. My mother and I are paying), BUT they want A LOT of input. Here are things they have wanted input on

(1) Where the wedding is held and what state. They wanted it in NJ (where they live) rather than an hour away in PA where my family lives.

(2) The date of my wedding. I booked a venue on a saturday in september a year from now. That didn’t work for them and they wanted me to change the date.

(3) What hotel where my guets stay.

(4) The size of my wedding

Mind you, it isn’t one of these things alone that would bother me. It is a whole pattern of behavoir.

Anyway, after having been through this here is my advice. Set up boundaries. They will get over not feeling as included as they would have wanted. However, you will never get over the resentment of not having your day be your day. Nicely, but firmly, reclaim your day. Otherwise you will always be bitter that they took it away from you- and that is not fair to either you or them. So, I would include them by showing them what I had decided on once I had decided. For instance, I excluded my Future Mother-In-Law from the venue hunt. Then, when I found and booked a venue, I invited her over, treated her to lunch and showed her the venue ans asked her for decorating tips. Of course, she was critical, but that is to be expected- she wanted to have control andd she didn’t get it. However, she cannot say she was not included

Post # 7
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Oh no sounds like you are having a bit of a mare.  I haven’t had any trouble with the family in law but like you I wanted to have a small wedding abroad to where only my close friends and family were there so it was really special and intimate.  It has definitely had it’s difficulties with people complaining and trying to stress me out about it.  My advice would be remember that the day is really for you and your hubby to be to celebrate you guys.  It’s nice to include family etc but at the end of the day it’s the two of you that need to be happy.  So stick to your guns and make the day yours.

 

And this should make you smile you look absolutely stunning in your dress.  So good that you have made me rethink my order.  I put my order in last night for the c170 and woke up this morning thinking I should log on to weddingbee to see if there have been any posts.  One look at your photo and I was like maybe I should go with the c176 🙂

I like you the c176 was the first dress I tried on and loved it!! but I was looking around at other dresses just to make sure it was the one.  No one had the c170 in stock in NZ or Aus so I was always only going off pictures.  Both my sis and my best friend loved the c170 my sis has only seen it in pictures but my girlfriend went to see it in the states anyway they kept talking me into the c170 even though I have never tried it on or seen it.  Eventually I gave in but one look at your photo this morning made me change my mind 🙂 so you look stunning in your dress definitely the right choice.

I have put my order on hold at the moment.  I messaged you in the other post to see if you had any photos front on as I can’t really remember what it looked like.  Also out of interest what size are you getting and what were your measurements.  I am tossing up between the 6 and the 8 at the moment as I am inbetween would love to know what they told you to get! And to get some front on pictures if you have any 🙂

 

 

The topic ‘Future Family In Law Rant – need to vent’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors