(Closed) Future FI stuck on his ex (long)

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’ve been with jerks, and I’ve been that girl who is constantly suspicious and feels the need to check on her guy and it’s just a horrible way to live. I understand that you love him, but without trust the relationship is doomed. Get out now, before there is a paper tying you to him for life. Sorry!

Post # 63
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I actually felt for you and felt sad because you are obviously in alot of pain…until I read your warnings to the “catty girls”. I don’t think anyone is on this site to shove their “perfect” relationship in anyone’s face.

I actually wrote a big rant but have decided it wasn’t appropriate. Hurt people hurt people and you are in pain & feel sensitive. I actually do feel bad for you and hope you can find some closure, move on & meet a man you deserve. We all deserve love.

Get rid of him, he’s a liar, a jerk & I really don’t think he will change. I really think he still has feelings for his ex. Sorry…

Post # 64
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

The only thing I have to say is that you can’t go through life with someone you don’t trust. There is someone out there that will make you feel secure in your relationship. I know how hard it is to let go. We have all done things we may not be proud of but when the relationship is in the right place you won’t feel like you have to do those things. I hope everything works out for you!

Post # 65
Member
3054 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You do not need to be with someone like that. Period.

Post # 66
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

@MissTeachy:  You’re right, it isn’t your fault that he lied to you. But it is your fault for staying in a relationship based on lies. Someone else said “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.” It sounds like he has fooled you many, many times and you really should have been long gone by now. I know it is not that easy to up and leave someone, but please don’t say it is “because relationships take work” and you want to work on it. Yes, relationships take work. And people who tough it out and work on good relationships are to be admired. This is not a good relationship. It sounds like it never has been (assuming he’s been lying from day 1.) Working on it won’t fix it. Get out while the getting is good and try not to let this experience color any future relationships (because I can guarantee the snooping and fake accounts won’t go over well with someone who is actually trustworthy.)

Post # 67
Member
1860 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Get out with any dignity you have left. =/

He won’t stop.

Post # 68
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MissTeachy:  I’ve been in a bad marriage with a liar/cheater. As in someone who actually cheated on me and impregnated a mutual friend, he didn’t just friend an ex on facebook–I don’t think I’m being overly judgmental, just truthful. As I said, it’s now a chicken or the egg scenario—are you being controlling because he has shown that you can’t trust him? does he lie to you to avoid feeling controlled? In the end it’s not a happy situation and neither party is wholly innocent. If neither one of you is willing to break the cycle it’s best to part ways

Post # 69
Member
3054 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am telling you to run, because I was in this exact situation. Hung up on his ex, cheating, lie after lie, and turning me into some crazy psycho. Whats worst, is that I lent it him a bunch of money to help him pay rent thinking he would pay me back and that he would magically realize what a catch I was. WRONG, SO WRONG! I look back on it now and I realize it all was silly and totally wasn’t worth it. I was too good for him and I was better off being alone. I drove to his house, because I had a feeling he was going to be dating some girl that night (I dunno why I had that feeling I just did!), and yelled at him and dumped his sorry ass as he and that girl were leaving to go out. Did I look crazy? Probably…did I care? Nope…hopefully that girl was smart and ran away!

After I left him, his ex that he was so hung up on messaged me on facebook. We went through the exact same things when with this guy. Every detail in our relationships were exact and on the spot! She said she had been stalking my profile after hearing about me and wanted to warn me, but didn’t want to look crazy.

The reason why he was so hung up on her? She left him without so much a goodbye, just never called him back. Just up and left. That drove him crazy!

Skip forward 5 years later, he tries to add me as a friend on facebook. Like seriously?!! I blocked him, did not even send him a message. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction!

Guys like this are just immature. I am sorry, but you need to leave fast. You can do better, trust me. Nothing you will do will ever change this guy, plus you shouldn’t feel like this! You shouldn’t have to hope that he will change. 🙁 *hugs*

 

Post # 70
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You sound jealous and un-trusting. It is not okay for you to try and tap him like you dod (with the fake profile). And he’s righ, when you’re not together, he can do whatever he wants. Also, it isn’t your business what he messaged to someone while you were separated. And as per the dog, you were apart. He can do what he pleases. 

I’ve known plenty of girls who’ve used the “break” thing as a test. It sounds like that’s what you were doing. You expected him to sit around pining for you and when he didn’t, you got upset.  

You don’t sound like you’re ready to be married. It also sounds like he isn’t eiher. You both seem like you have a hard time trusting and communicating. Don’t get a ring, a house, or a dog together. You should stay on the break.

Post # 71
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@MissTeachy:  I just wanted to take a minute to defend the other bees on here.  I honestly don’t think they are trying to be bitchy or snarky.  They are just trying to tell you what they think is best.  I’ve read through every one of these comments, and I don’t think a single one of them is trying to brag about their perfect relationships or shit on you about yours.  They are simply trying to convince you that you deserve so much more from him.  Most of these comments are about how they had to leave a toxic relationship in order to find the one the are with today.  I’ve said before, I think you are fully justified in all of your snooping.  Simply pretending not to see it or trusting him would be naive, given his history.  Most of the other bees just don’t see how it can continue to work if he can never give you a reason to trust him.  Some bees are just more blunt than others, and some are harsher and I can see that they may come off as snarky to you, but they are all trying to give you good advice.

Post # 73
Member
2451 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MissTeachy:  I don’t think is true on these boards. If anything, most of them women here tend to side with each other.  He might just be the type of guy who will always have another woman on the side. There are guys like this (not just politicians) and their wives stay with them for reasons of their own. You have to decide whether you want this.

Post # 74
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Seriously, do you want to spend the rest of your life with this man, as he is right now? Please do not marry this man thinking he will somehow change after getting married.You deserve better, you really do.

 

 

Post # 76
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

So…… you’re leaving him right? Because there is never going to be trust in that relationship. Ever. You are never going to trust him. Why do that to yourself? Someday, he’s just going to get smart enough to delete his browsing history. Then what? You’ll lose you’re bloody mind because you know too much to be blissfully ignorant. Pack your things and move on, darlin’.

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