Ok OP, I’ll chime in too. I’ve been where you are now. Confused and hurt but still loving this person so much that you just want to hang on a little longer and spinning and not sure what to do. I understand about just wanting the truth for your own sanity because of all the lies.
This guy is big time playing mind games with you. His actions are not the actions of man in love. I’m really sorry. But I know because if it weren’t for your guy having a brother, I would swear you were my ex’s new girlfriend repeating his pattern. Same kind of guy.
I know how hard it is. And it’s very easy for other people to say ‘get out’ but you are the one that has to live it.
Here’s the thing. Everyone is right, there is so much better out there. You deserve a relationship that you don’t feel this way in. But I’m not going to lie, it’s hard as hell to put on your big girl panties and make a change. We can get very stuck on someone.
I was madly in love with my ex who I was with for 7 years, who lied to me and womanized behind my back. I got strung along on little crumbs he would throw thinking that was hope for better days. It wasn’t. Every year I felt the same over and over that we were stuck. He was fine, because he was living his life…I was miserable and being dragged along with it.
I had to read and read and read more about toxic relationships. It’s very hard to let go of someone who is not giving us what we need, because we want them to so badly. But it sounds like you are the one doing all the work in your relationship.
“Never make someone a priority, who only considers you an option.”
He is behaving badly, but you’re taking the focus off that by your own ‘crazy woman’ responding. You’re giving him all the ammo to blame it on you. Hold your own, respect yourself, stand up for yourself and calmly say to him “I deserve better.” Period. If he cares you will know it, and if he doesn’t, you will also know it by how he responds.
Pay attention NOT to his words, but to his actions. And you will know.
I really hope that helps you. For me, leaving this kind of relationship was the hardest and as it turned out, best thing I’ve ever done for myself.