Post # 1
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
Slight backstory: my future in-laws got divorced years ago because of infidelity on his part (it was really ugly and messy), and he’s now engaged to the mistress. We invited her to the wedding, and she’s been on the list since day 1.
Our save the dates went out about a month ago, and we got a phone call from Future Father-In-Law asking why his fiance’s parents weren’t sent a save the date. We were like “uh because they’re not on the invite list? We don’t even know their names, why would we waste money and space on people we don’t know?” And he got very upset, told us he’d already invited them, and they were “so excited to see us” so we had to invite them. My fiancé and I, to try to keep the peace as best we can, told him that we can’t add people to the list because we’re at capacity on the venue (we’re very close to capacity so it’s not a total lie). He’s called three times since the first time, each time asking if we’ve “figured out space for them”, but we keep telling him no. He called yesterday and my fiancé was finally firm and said there’s no space and there won’t be any space so they’re not coming, and the dad got really pissy and told him “well then you need to call them and give them a hell of a good reason why you’re uninviting them”. I REFUSE to call two total strangers and explain to them why they’re not invited to MY wedding.
Am I being ridiculous? They were never invited, HE screwed up and told them they were before we sent the save the dates. We don’t even know them and they’re not family. Plus, there’s no space for them and I don’t want to have to dig around the budget for money to pay for them. I feel like he’s putting this off on us so that we have to fix his mistake and he doesn’t look bad to his fiance’s parents; it’s been a month and he still hasn’t told them that they aren’t invited, which tells me that he’s trying to turn us into the bad guys.
Should we call them? Should we tell Future Father-In-Law no way and that he has to do it? I’ve already caused family issues by not inviting the mistress/fiancé to my bridal shower (that debacle was in another post I made a while back) and I don’t want to cause a rift in his family by encouraging him to defy his dad. What do we do?
Post # 2
Member
3500 posts
Sugar bee
mickeynicki : “What do we do?”
Nothing. You do absolutely nothing.
“I don’t want to cause a rift in his family encouraging him to defy his dad.”
It’s actually a good thing to defy those who are boorish and rude. His family might even be grateful to have someone stand up to him.
Post # 3
Member
5315 posts
Bee Keeper
I don’t think you are being ridiculous at all. They were never invited, you aren’t uninviting them. Your Father-In-Law needs to be the one to clear the mess up with them.
Post # 4
Member
2460 posts
Buzzing bee
You’re not being rediculoius. Your Father-In-Law made an assumption, didn’t ask you and invited someone without your knowledge.
This is HIS mistake and HE should be the one to fix it.
Post # 5
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
I’ll echo what others have said. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Your Father-In-Law is the one who invited them, and he should certainly be the one to fix the mess he created. You can’t just invite people to other people’s weddings, thats insane.
Post # 6
Member
3847 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Your Father-In-Law is in the wrong. Tell him that he was the one who wrongly invited them, so it’s his responsibility to uninvite them. I’d also say that if they show up at the wedding, security will turn them away and if they try to come in anyway they will be removed. Now none of that has to be true, he just needs to understand that if he doesn’t tell them, he’ll be responsible for them being met by security at the wedding.
Post # 7
Member
5151 posts
Bee Keeper
Your Father-In-Law is an idiot. Truly an idiot. This is just all kinds of wrong.
At this point don’t do anything.
Post # 8
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
That’s so rude of him! But it’s HIS mess. And he’s trying to pass the blame onto you and guilt you into giving in so you don’t “have to tell them the bad news”.
Do nothing. It’s blow up in HIS face, not yours. I’m sure these strangers will not be upset with you when they finally find out, and if they do then it’s pretty weird they are upset with the daughter of the man that their daughter was a mistress to. Complicated and unnecessary!
Post # 9
Member
2909 posts
Sugar bee
It’s his mistake that he needs to fix, but won’t they get a bit of a hint when the never receive a save the date, or formal invitation?
You don’t owe anyone anything. Your Father-In-Law is a moron.
Post # 10
Member
2986 posts
Sugar bee
mickeynicki : no. Your fiance needs to tell him that this is his mess and he needs to clean it up. You guys never once said or even indicated that these random strangers would be invited to your wedding and it’s his problem that he assumed and that he went ahead and told them they were without any indication from you that this was the case.
It makes absolutely NO sense to invite random people you don’t even know to your wedding and it boggles my mind that hed think they would be.
Post # 11
Member
3180 posts
Sugar bee
mickeynicki : you shouldn’t do a damn thing. If you’re feeling especially generous your fiance could give his father the option to pay for his two guest requests. Only if you feel like it though….
Post # 12
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
Is it rude … yes. He should have settled you first.
What would I do? I’d invite two people who my Future Father-In-Law would like to celebrate our wedding day with (family) and I’d not create a problem. But that’s just me. I’d value peace with my in laws over creating an issue over a couple of bucks far more.
Post # 13
Member
4548 posts
Honey bee
His mistake. His issue to deal with.
Post # 14
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
Unless your FH decides he wants them at the wedding, I would not do anything. If Father-In-Law brings it up again your FH should just tell him that he won’t tell them they are univited as you can’t univite someone who was never invited to begin with…
Post # 15
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
I second HunniBee. It is rude. He should have talked to you both beforehand to ask if they were/could be invited. Some parents do get a certain number of their friends/family to invite.
But, I would also invite them. It’s two people who honestly you won’t even notice and it’s important to him. If it was an intimate wedding I’d reconsider but seeing as you are close to capacity it isn’t, you won’t notice them.
It’s his father’s fiancés parents. The fact that his fiancé is his former mistress is not relevant at all in this situation! It’s been years, he’s still with her, obviously loves her. It seems like you holding on to a lot of animosity towards his dad that you might want to get to the bottom of and let go of.