Future FIL told someone they were invited when they never were

posted 9 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
3063 posts
Sugar bee

mickeynicki :  “What do we do?” 

Nothing. You do absolutely nothing. 

“I don’t want to cause a rift in his family encouraging him to defy his dad.” 

It’s actually a good thing to defy those who are boorish and rude. His family might even be grateful to have someone stand up to him.

Post # 3
Member
5720 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t think you are being ridiculous at all. They were never invited, you aren’t uninviting them. Your Father-In-Law needs to be the one to clear the mess up with them. 

Post # 4
Hostess
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You’re not being rediculoius. Your Father-In-Law made an assumption, didn’t ask you and invited someone without your knowledge.

This is HIS mistake and HE should be the one to fix it.

Post # 5
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I’ll echo what others have said. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Your Father-In-Law is the one who invited them, and he should certainly be the one to fix the mess he created. You can’t just invite people to other people’s weddings, thats insane. 

Post # 6
Member
3456 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Your Father-In-Law is in the wrong. Tell him that he was the one who wrongly invited them, so it’s his responsibility to uninvite them. I’d also say that if they show up at the wedding, security will turn them away and if they try to come in anyway they will be removed. Now none of that has to be true, he just needs to understand that if he doesn’t tell them, he’ll be responsible for them being met by security at the wedding. 

Post # 7
Member
4213 posts
Honey bee

Your Father-In-Law is an idiot. Truly an idiot. This is just all kinds of wrong.

At this point don’t do anything. 

Post # 8
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

That’s so rude of him! But it’s HIS mess. And he’s trying to pass the blame onto you and guilt you into giving in so you don’t “have to tell them the bad news”.

Do nothing. It’s blow up in HIS face, not yours. I’m sure these strangers will not be upset with you when they finally find out, and if they do then it’s pretty weird they are upset with the daughter of the man that their daughter was a mistress to. Complicated and unnecessary!

Post # 9
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2006

It’s his mistake that he needs to fix, but won’t they get a bit of a hint when the never receive a save the date, or formal invitation? 

You don’t owe anyone anything. Your Father-In-Law is a moron. 

Post # 10
Member
3533 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

mickeynicki :  no. Your fiance needs to tell him that this is his mess and he needs to clean it up. You guys never once said or even indicated that these random strangers would be invited to your wedding and it’s his problem that he assumed and that he went ahead and told them they were without any indication from you that this was the case. 

It makes absolutely NO sense to invite random people you don’t even know to your wedding and it boggles my mind that hed think they would be.

Post # 11
Member
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

mickeynicki :  you shouldn’t do a damn thing.  If you’re feeling especially generous your fiance could give his father the option to pay for his two guest requests.  Only if you feel like it though….

Post # 12
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

Is it rude … yes.  He should have settled you first. 

What would I do? I’d invite two people who my Future Father-In-Law would like to celebrate our wedding day with (family) and I’d not create a problem.  But that’s just me.  I’d value peace with my in laws over creating an issue over a couple of bucks far more. 

Post # 13
Member
3385 posts
Sugar bee

His mistake. His issue to deal with.

Post # 14
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

Unless your FH decides he wants them at the wedding, I would not do anything. If Father-In-Law brings it up again your FH should just tell him that he won’t tell them they are univited as you can’t univite someone who was never invited to begin with…

Post # 15
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I second HunniBee. It is rude. He should have talked to you both beforehand to ask if they were/could be invited. Some parents do get a certain number of their friends/family to invite.

But, I would also invite them. It’s two people who honestly you won’t even notice and it’s important to him. If it was an intimate wedding I’d reconsider but seeing as you are close to capacity it isn’t, you won’t notice them. 

It’s his father’s fiancés parents. The fact that his fiancé is his former mistress is not relevant at all in this situation! It’s been years, he’s still with her, obviously loves her. It seems like you holding on to a lot of animosity towards his dad that you might want to get to the bottom of and let go of. 

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