- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2016
I am suppose to get married October 8th 2016. My future husband grew up in a very close tight knit family. We have the same arguement over and over regarding his father. I am starting to wonder if I should cancel or postpone the wedding.
A little background: My future husband had a very hard time with adjusting to having a serious relationship, as I was his first one. He has improved greatly but his father is still an issue in our future marriage and I feel as though I am the third wheel. My family is far away and I only get to see them once a year. Which leads me to feel a bit smothered by his family because they are everywhere. My family and I are not very close and I admitt there has been some adjustment on my part, as I had to get use to how close his family truly is.
The big issue is now my father in-law. Who is an amazing and caring man this actually it isnt my FIL’s fault. He doesn’t ask to be involved, my future husband calls him for everything and makes him involved. For example: my future husband took his father to make decisions on our investments, without telling me. They decided to invest everything without even a phone call. I found out 2 days later. Our mortgage was being renewed, he called his father for advice. We are currently renovating my horse barn, which I am very greatful for. Yet, I am not part of any of the decisons, him and his father are. I have asked for these things to be between us only and my future husband agrees at the time, and then turns around and involves his father.
My father in-law has MS, and because of this my future husband spends a lot of his time helping his father with chores etc. There are five kids in the family and he does it all. Because of this I spend a lot of time alone, eating suppers by myself, spending weekends alone or with friends because he is busy with his dad. I do my best to be understanding but I feel as though I am never a priority. And if I bring it up, I am selfish because his father is ill. I lost my father last year and had a real hard time, I needed my future husband so badly, and the first day we came back from my home town, he left me to help his father winterize the bungalow.
My future husband also spends money on elaborate gifts, like a modified bike, for his father without consulting me. I lost my job around the time of the purchase of the bike (due to my own disability) and when I explained my financial concern about such a large loan commitment, I again was the bad guy because his father is ill. It is a battle I can never win, because how can I say how I feel when his father is ill and could possibly be in a wheel chair someday?
I am not sure where to go from here, I agree he should help his father on certain weekends when he needs it. But I am tired of being alone, and never being consulted on major decisions that involve us and our life. I have my own disabity now to cope with and since it isnt as harmful as MS I get pushed to the side when I need help.
I am not one to post to these forums, but I am at a loss. I love my fiance deeply, he is a wonderful man. But his needing to fix his fathers life is going to leave us in divorce.