(Closed) Future husband insists on having 12 groomsmen. I would like no wedding party.

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
3997 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

12 is a lot of people!  I wouldn’t be ok with it either.  I think he was wrong to start asking his friends to be in the wedding before finalizing the plans with you.  If I were in your shoes, and I truly didn’t want a wedding party, I’d probably compromise a bit.  I’d want 3 people on either side.  That’s the number of his best men so they must be that important to him.   He can honor his other friends in another way. 

I know you don’t want a rehearsal dinner but I do like the idea of having your guests that are in town get together.  It doesn’t have to be a “rehearsal dinner”.  You can make it as informal as you’d like.  That way you guys can just have fun, try to relax before the big day and your FMIL will be happy too. 

Post # 18
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

12 is pretty ridiculous. I’ve never seen a wedding party that big. If you match him and have 12 bridesmaids, where will they all stand? They won’t even all fit in pictures!

I had a hard time leaving out some of my friends too, but I feel like people understand if they aren’t chosen. Is there any way that you two can make a compromise on this, since you have such opposing opinions on what you want the wedding party to look like? For example, are there other ways that he can honor some of those friends that he wants to be involved (such as being ushers, doing a special reading, etc?)

Post # 19
1154 posts
Bumble bee

If he isn’t going to want them to walk down the aisle nor stand up there I say let him have them!  If there is no walk down the aisle there is no need for you to have bridesmaids.  With no jobs or standing to do this is just a matter of calling them groomsmen and sure, why not if he wants to?

Do not get them gifts or worry about it at all.  If he wants to get them gifts he can figure it out. 

Does he want them at the rehearsal?  Some people don’t have the wedding party at the rehearsal.


Post # 20
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Are we marrying the same guy?? 😉 Fiance actually started out saying he was OK with only having 5 on each side, but made the mistake of asking two guys he wasn’t really close with just because they were technically ‘first in line’ for whatever reason and slowly he’s adding more and more as he realizes guys he should have asked instead. I told him to STOP because it’s just getting ridiculous and soon there won’t even be any guys in the audience who aren’t in the wedding party! Right now he’s only at 7, but on the verge of asking two more and doesn’t think it’s an issue. I don’t want the guys overpowering our day – 7 in my opinino is too many to handle!! They will be trying to do their own thing all day, distracting from us.

Sorry, back to you – is he willing to cut his number down and only have them as ushers? Or could he compromise and only ask the 3 best men? You could always ask at least 1 person to be your Maid/Matron of Honor right? So it wouldn’t be socrazy.

I also think you might regret not having a wedding party. I understand your reasons not to, but it’s actually really nice having one and this is coming from an older bride who also ‘vowed’ not to do any of the traditional cliche wedding things like having a bridal party 🙂

Post # 22
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’ve seen lots of pictures of brides and their bridesmaids and sometimes their dresses aren’t at all similar and they still look great all together.  Also can some of his groomsmen actually be ushers.  I understand how it is when you’ve been part of someone’s wedding day and you feel obligated to ask them to be in your wedding party.  Is he still in touch with all of these guys?

Post # 23
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

For your Bridesmaid or Best Man situation, ask any women that are near and dear to you. There doesn’t have to be 12 women just for the sake of even sides. If he is close to these 12 guys, I don’t see the big deal in having all of them be there. They can sit down for the ceremony so it’s not a crowded altar 😉

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