Future in law drama

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

HA!

It is rude and selfish of YOU to expect money from ANYONE!

It is literally none of your business if they can’t afford it right now. Pay for your own damn wedding, stop causing drama, and be grateful for what they DO do for you. 

Stop being a spoiled brat. They don’t owe you one Flippin penny of THEIR money. 

I can’t even believe I just read that post…. MY God. 

Post # 17
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

Firstly you need to stop picking apart their financial situation.  You have no entitlement to their money, and perhaps your wedding has come at a bad time for them. You don’t get to tell them that they should save the money they spend on eating out and give it to you instead – see how ridiculous that sounds?

I don’t know the details of their relationship and if this is a commen theme but you don’t know that they have the money, they said they don’t and you have to leave it at that.

Perhaps they thought the other son would get married later giving them time to save, perhaps they have already given him help in other ways. 

They are not rude you selfish for not paying for your rehearsal dinner, I don’t know how you can’t see that you are the rude and selfish one.  To be blunt, if you haven’t saved to afford the wedding you want, why should they?

I can’t believe you expect them to stop going on trips and eating out in order to fund your wedding!

Post # 18
Member
684 posts
Busy bee

Traditionally, parents help with weddings if they can afford it, so I don’t think you’re awful for expecting that. I also think it’s rude to blatantly favor one kid over another and is a sign of bad parenting. However, there’s nothing you can do except drop it. Look on the bright side; they absolutely have no leg to stand on now if they want any input in your wedding. 

Post # 19
Member
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Unfortunately this just is what it is unless you want to create a bigger problem that lasts a much longer time. It sucks, there’s no way around it, but it’s their money and their decision. 

My inlaws seem to love their children equally, but they bend over backwards financially to help my Brother-In-Law and SIL. We would never ask unless we were truly in desperate need of money, but it still rubs me the wrong way a lot of the time. (Mostly because they enable financial instability, but that’s a whole different story!) It’s normal to be jealous or to feel hurt, but again I don’t see there being much good that comes from anything but just dropping it. 

Post # 20
Member
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

It’s frustrating when you see parents seemingly treating one sibling much better than another. Of course, I don’t think most parents would treat siblings so differently just because they’re nasty people who want to hurt their child. We don’t know the full story – perhaps the parents put this child through university, and not the other. Perhaps the parents feel your Fiance has a much better job and can take care of himself. Maybe the spent money on the sibling, and didn’t expect your Fiance to get married for a few years. Now they don’t have funds to help. 

In any event, you can’t rely on people to help if they haven’t stepped up and promised funding. Do the best you can with what you have. If they do happen to contribute at all it will be a great surprise. 

Post # 21
Member
5557 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

AORiver15 :  

Do we have the same brother in law?? Lol

My fiance has been financially stable and independent for at least 20 years, I’ve been on my own since my early twenties. My brother in law lived with his parents, left only to move in with her and her parents, then they moved back home to live in a house completely paid for every month by my inlaws.

They never learned to be on their own and are almost 40 (she will be 40 in april)

Anyway, they would help us in a heartbeat but they know they don’t have to worry about us which is why I think they are comfortable “favoring” my brother in law over my fiance.

Post # 22
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

They can decide how they spend their money, end of story.  My parents recently sold me a piece of their property (that was highly coveted among my siblings and I) for a killer deal.  I still paid a pretty penny for it, but not near what it was worth.  There were grumblings amonst my siblings that I got the land….but one thing they didn’t consider is my parents fronted the money for my brother to start his own business.  They paid for two divorces for one of my sisters, and paid for the college tuition for another sister.  Me?  I put myself through college on my own dime and have never asked for money from my parents.  The point I’m trying to make is, different children have different circumstances/expenses.  Maybe your FI’s parents felt they had already given him enough help & money with other things in his life.  Who knows.  

Post # 23
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I personally think parents who treat their kids unequally are bullshit. If they gave 5 grand to one they should have saved the same for the other kid. And clearly they are not suddenly having money problems. It makes the other kids feel like shit.

I would never do this as a parent and would make sure before I offer one kid something I can do the same for the other.. unless some sort of emergency happened which here is not the case.

BUT end of day nothing you can do about it, so just plan your wedding and don’t include them in decision making.

Post # 24
Member
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

araebo5585 :  Oh yeah, absolutely. I definitely know it’s a good thing that we are stable and don’t need their assistance! There is a family wedding coming up, and both Brother-In-Law and SIL said that they can’t attend unless their travel expenses are paid for, so my ILs used all the frequent flier miles they had saved up to fly them to the wedding. They also recently bought a home and ILs paid their closing costs because of a misunderstanding or something that happened. It’s mostly just petty annoyance, combined with other bothersome things they do! Certainly we don’t need their help, but if they wanted to just float us some cash every once in a while we also wouldn’t object! 😉  

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