- 4 months ago
- Wedding: September 2018
I don’t usually post on boards and such but I just need opinions. I’ll try to keep it short. I’m getting married next month, and I’m marrying into a family that seemed to accept me, and now it seems like a different story. My FH is the only boy in the family, even amongst cousins, so the wedding is kind of a big deal. My future Mother-In-Law tends to speak without thinking, so she often offends people and then gets upset when people are offended. Funny, right? She is very dramatic, plays the victim, and will spill all the woes of her life if you seem like a willing listener. My mother passed away years ago, but she raised me to be very independent and to push to do better in life. I work full time, I’m in school full time and I do not call on others for a job I can most likely do on my own. I am stubborn like that. My future Mother-In-Law, exact opposite. She will ask my FH to stop by the house on his way home (to our house we own together), to help her change lightbulbs. No, she is not a senior citizen. She once said she saw me as a daughter to her, and that I can go to her about anything. I can’t really. She panics way too easily and knowing how strong my mom was, it is impossble for me to see her as “my new mother figure”, which I know that’s what she wants. I just can’t. I’m also an adult and have lived on my own since my mother passed, I don’t need another mother.
During this wedding planning, my future Mother-In-Law caused some clashing. Dress shopping, she kept focusing on the price tag of the gown to the point where she ruined the fun. “Oh my God, you can’t try that one on!” “Who is going to pay for this dress?!” Me of course! It got so bad that she ruined the time for my family that came along, my aunt even told her to keep her mouth shut at one point. In all of our pictures of me dress shopping, she didn’t smile. Then she walked away to look at flower girl dresses for her granddaughter and started bringing them up to me! To me, that was my time, and I was offended. I told her I didn’t know if we would be having one (her granddaughter’s behavior is a problem). She got upset me with in the store. We all left, and I left without a dress.
After how dress shopping went, FH and I agreed not to involve her in a ton of planning because everything turned into “money, money, money”, which we haven’t asked her for a dime! So we planned everything on our own. Fast forward to my shower, she took it upon herself to go out and buy a ton of stuff nobody asked for, then called my maid of honor and said “This is gonna be too expensive, this shower is just too costly. I just spent X amount of dollars!” My Maid/Matron of Honor said “nobody asked you to though…”. If someone wants to pay for something, it is tacky to complain about price, especially when you weren’t asked to. I asked her to return everything, and I think she did.
One day FH says he and his mom had a big fight while he was visiting. She accused me of teaching him to hate his family, because I hate her and hate his niece. Not true at all. He said it was a complete meltdown and no matter how many times he assured her that I wasn’t doing that, and that not wanting his niece to be a flower girl was a decision we both made (again, with her behavior, we don’t think she would even make it down the aisle), she insisted it was all on me.
Fast forward to the day of my shower, future Mother-In-Law arrives and immediately starts bad mouthing me to everyone! She got lost going to the venue and blamed it on me, saying I gave her poor directions, I NEVER GAVE HER ANY! I THOUGHT SHE USED HER GPS! She said she wanted to slap me, she wanted to kill me, how dare I ask her to drive that far (she had the shortest drive out of anyone there, maybe 40 minutes), blah, blah, blah…to the point where as soon as I entered the venue people said “good luck”, or “I feel sorry for you”, or “She is an absolute bitch, I am so sorry”. OMG! One guest told me “Your FH needs to have a talk with this woman, or she needs a counselor of medicine or something. Oh, and don’t have kids…” meaning she went on the whole “she’s only going to have one grand baby” thing because FH and I don’t really know if we want kids. I ignored her for most of the shower, I stayed with my family, had a good time, and did my own thing. During bridal bingo, they called out “flower girl”, to which she replied “Oh, they aren’t having one of those!”.
My family tells FH about the drama, he calls her and calmly asks if she said any of those things, AND SHE LIES!
So overall, I know asking her to return the items she bought without asking set her off. I think I had the right to, because she loves to say “With everything I’ve done for you…” you know the guilt trip. And then the flower girl thing, I think it pushed her over the edge. FH says to ignore her, so does my future Father-In-Law who says he is not at all surprised by this (they are divorced btw). But I want to confront her! I think she is totally out of bounds. And when someone else said that what she did at the shower was wrong she says “well most of the gifts she got were from me so…” IDC! You can’t buy someone’s affection. I would gladly give her back all of the crap she gave me, I just want her to respect me.
My family is about one inch away from confronting her (and it won’t be pretty). I want to know, should I have a talk with her? Or should my FH? Am I wrong? Should I be more sympathetic? I have never disrespected her, even after she has offended me, I keep my mouth shut. But I’m running out of patience.