(Closed) Future In Law Issues

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

That sounds like an unpleasant situation but I think your relationship with FI’s family can get better. All hope is not lost.

FI’s grandmother probably didn’t mean anything by her comment. She may truly feel like she doesn’t know you that well. When you visit with Fiance, do you engage his grandmother in conversation or are you mainly just listening? Maybe instead of waiting for her to ask questions, you could try to find something you both have in common like a shared interest. If there’s no common ground, you can always talk about you and Fiance. She’ll adore stories about you two like trips you’ve been on together or recent dates or other awesome things you do. She already knows you make her grandson happy so you’ve got that on your side!

As for Future Father-In-Law… I have the same advice as above.  Try to more actively engage him in conversation and find something in common.  Maybe he was chatting it up with FI’s brother’s gf because they have more in common.  If Future Father-In-Law truly doesn’t think you’re good enough, it is his issue not yours.

Hope things get better!

Post # 4
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you probably hit the nail on the head with grandma, you not being Jewish it will take time for her to get over it. His dad I say ignore him some guys are super into looks and you can’t fix him. Don’t let your self esteem suffer because he’s an idiot!

Post # 5
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@chocolatecoveredstrawberry:  Some people are jerks, and unfortunately it appears your Future Father-In-Law is one of them. I agree with PP about grandma and religion, but that could very well change. I hope your Fiance stands up to his father about you, because insulting someone’s looks (and I’m sure you’re beautiful) is totally uncalled for.

Post # 6
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I have a similar problem with my Future Father-In-Law.  He doesnt like me because:

1) I’ve been married before

2) I’m currently unemployed (last 9 months)

3) I’m in remission with cancer and likely to have health problems in the future (yes, seriously.  And it’s not that he’s worried I’m going to cost Fiance money in this regard, we live in a country with free health care)

Like yours, he’s never shown the slightest interest in me…I’ve been with Fiance for nearly 3 years, and he’s never asked me a personal question – in fact, he’s barely talked with me.   We took a weekend trip with the Future In-Laws about 2 years ago, and he decided that I didn’t act like he thought I should, which basically meant that the first night I wouldn’t stay up all night drinking…told Fiance so, and now won’t even be in the same room with me.  Honestly.  I went down to see the Future In-Laws before Christmas, staying the weekend…Future Father-In-Law spent the whole time in the bedroom.  I’m not sure if he even said hello to me….

One thing that helps me is that I’m nearly 44.  The days when I tried to solve Father-In-Law bullshit is long over.  My ex ILs thought I was the greatest thing ever and I had a good relationship with them, so I know I’m not the problem – he is. 

“I am so sick of being judged and falling up short. I love my fiance so much and I know I will marry him, but I never thought I would be marrying into a family that would make me this uncomfortable and feel so worthless”

That’s exactly how I feel.  So I’ve decided that until Future Father-In-Law realises I’m not going anywhere and acts his age (63), I’m having the barest minimum to do with his family.  I’ll be polite, I’ll be civil, I won’t stop or even try to affect FI’s relationship with them, but it doesn’t mean I have to put up with it.  

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