Post # 1
anyone else have really judgemental in laws? Like they’re really nice and generous but they feel like their opinion should be exactly what happens. How do you deal with it? I’m a grown adult and my fiancé is almost 30. I think we can make our own decisions about OUR life. Or does anyone feel like their in laws belittle the relationship because you’re just engaged. Since you’re not married you’re not like “one unit” yet. They honestly expect an almost 30 to sleep in different beds on vacation than his fiancé because we’re not married.
Sorry, rant over haha. It’s just so annoying. I’m hoping other people are in the same boat. I can’t deal. I didn’t even want a big wedding but we have to have it because… the in laws. They bring unnecessary pressure and I feel like I can’t enjoy being engaged.
Post # 2
You don’t have to have a big wedding, unless they’re paying for it.
Have the wedding you want no matter what they say. If you’re an adult, they can’t stop you.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Your Fiance needs to let them know that you two are adults and will make your own decisions. Unless they’re paying for the wedding, have the wedding you want.
Post # 4
Regarding the sleeping in separate beds on vacation issue, are the two of you by chance going to visit them and staying in their home during this time? If that is the case; as stuffy and old fashioned as it may seem; they are well within their rights to ask this as the “their home their rules” thing applies. If this is the case you either have to suck it up and comply, or get a hotel room instead.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek
My parents are really judgemental, and I know it hurts my Fiance. I try to calm him down and explain that they’ve ALWAYS been this way with me and ALL of my friends, boyfriends, etc. I definitely stick up for him/us, but there’s only so much I ca do. However, now that we’re engaged, I think they’ve been a little less outwardly judge-y, but we can’t change their personalities/views, so we’re just going to have to deal with some at least some judgement from them. It helps that we live 7-8 hours away from them, so we don’t see them often.
Post # 6
In Laws can really be annoying cant they?
The only thing you can do is ask your Fiance to deal with it on a case by case basis. They do need to respect your decisions.
My Mother-In-Law actually called my mom to make sure what I was saying was true in regards to a decison .Fiance is the only one who can nip those things in the bud, because it comes down to respect.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
My inlaws may be loud and opinionated, but they are generally very loving and accepting. The ‘issue’ family was my now estranged parents. Even though my (now) Darling Husband and I were living together (and later engaged) they took HUGE issue with us sharing a bed…the only reason we got to was because we refused to visit overnight if we were forced to sleep seperately (petty of us, I know). Darling Husband could also do no right in their eyes. Sure, he was head of his department in the warehouse he was working in at the time, but he ‘lacked ambition’ because he had a blue collar job. Or he was somehow worth less because he didn’t go to college…even though my own father didnt go to college either. Plus my Mom was VERY vocal about the fact she didn’t like Darling Husband or my Father-In-Law…and would say so right in front of DH! Also, the few times they were guests in our home, they insulted everything and made Darling Husband VERY uncomfortable.
Darling Husband gritted his teeth and took it in stride. He was almost as happy as I was when the relationship with them finally ended.
Post # 8
avera : My inlaws are angels compare to my own family, I honestly couldnt as for better ones…
My family, (more specifically my mother) are the ones whose opinion is the only one that matters… and yeah up until we got engaged she didnt take our relationship seriously even though we were living together for 3 years and raised a dog and rescued a cat in that time, before we got engaged, like she didnt even want to meet his immediate family until we got engaged… and as for his extended family she said they will meet at the wedding… to which she has now threatened to not come after I stood up for my right to make my decisions obout things that concern me and have nothing to do with her …but she has to have her way.. always… so this fight happened a month ago and we havent spoken since. So I guess if I was my Fiance I could say I have difficult inlaws, but me personally I really cant say that.
We are having a bigger wedding(than I though I would alway have) because of my inlaws… not because they think we should but because my Fiance wants his family there and his family is big, the man loves me to pieces and I love him the same and his family accepts me as one of their own, so bigger wedding it is then. I know we are only getting married once so I’m not going to deny him having his family there for the biggest day of his life so far.
Post # 9
They are not paying for the wedding. They are as traditional as they come. They expect MY PARENTS to pay for the wedding because I am the bride. My parents are going to help as much as they can but they cant afford to pay for every single person in my FIs family. Like my future mother in law wants to invite people ive never even met before. So then the rest of the bills fall on us. The problem is my Fiance will do everything he can to never disappoint them. Its drives me crazy that sometimes I feel he has no mind of his own. They like guilt trip him. This wedding needs to come and go. I am not even excited for my freaking wedding. I would rather just go to the court house and get it over with then deal with the 10000 demands. But then it wouldnt be in a chutch and then they would never recognize it. Thats another thing a church wedding costs an insane amount. You think theyre paying that bill? No. But we have to do it because if not our marriage wont be real in their eyes. Not to mention my family lives 1000 miles from me so I am planning this whole thing with the excessive demands on my own. In laws are really annoying but I guess this is just the beginning of marriage isnt it?