Post # 1
My future in-laws are very traditional in the sense that they believe the bride’s family should pay for the entire wedding. When Fiance and I first became engaged my parents said “we will help as much as possible” to which they later said they would be paying for most of the wedding. Fiance and I will be paying for the remainder such as photographer, DJ, favors, etc. Now my Future Mother-In-Law is someone who is always talking, talking about anything and everything and in great detail. Yet somehow she has yet to really bring up any detail of our October wedding. Since her parents paid 100% of her wedding 30 years ago, her and Future Father-In-Law believe this is how it should be for Fiance and I. But my real question, inside this mini vent post, is 1 what exactly should Future in-laws be paying for and 2 how to I bring that up to them? I think traditionally they would pay for rehearsal dinner and honeymoon…am I corrent in that assumption?
Post # 3
Technically they don’t have to pay a thing in this day and age. It all depends on what they would like to pay. Yes traditionally the grooms parents paid for the rehersal dinner. Never heard of them paying for the honeymoon.
Both of our parents are helping us out where they can. We are paying the majority of it though.
Post # 4
Traditionally those are the things they would pay for. However, I think it should be determined by your ILs what they are going to contribute. Maybe you and your Fiance could sit down with them and figure out exactly what they could help with. Maybe its a specific thing they can contribute towards or maybe they can just contribute a sum of money. Remember that they dont have to give you anything though it would be nice for them to do so.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
I know there is a lot of “etiquette” and people will say different things are expected, but I am feeling more and more that today’s “rules” are totally different – when a couple gets engaged, the expectations of paying for something are totally up to the couple and their families. Some bride’s family’s will cover the whole cost, some none at all. Some groom’s family’s will cover part of the cost – plates for their guests, flowers and music, rehersal dinner, or none at all…etc. I agree with PitBulLover that it is really up to each contributer what they would like to pay for, if anything. It is something that is fluid and up to those involved!
That being said, although I don’t think there is anything your ILs “should” be paying for, if you would like/expect them to contribute, I would talk this over with your fiance and communicate these expectations to them. Honesty is the best way to go!
Post # 6
We weren’t expecting either set of parents to foot the entire bill, especially in this day and age & economy. I guess I just mean since they believe it should be so traditional in the sense that my parents pay 100% then they should be traditional in what traditionally the groom’s parents pay for.
I think I also just get annoyed at the fact that our wedding is not brought up EVER and we see them at least once a week if not more. For instance a few months ago we went over there for dinner and I brought my guest list and asked Future Mother-In-Law if I was missing anyone. She came out with an entire guest list that she had already made up on the computer and printed out. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate that, but if she already had a guest list previously made why can’t she mention it earlier? I think she just doesn’t want to overstep, but at the same time waiting for someone else to bring it up isn’t helping with anything!
Post # 7
@FallBride2B: I understand where you’re coming from with this. My parents paid for our wedding (church, reception, dress, etc.). When the wedding was discussed, we got a lot of push back from my Mother-In-Law about the rehearsal dinner and getting her to do basic stuff like guest list. The rehearsal dinner was the only thing that we wanted them to pay for. The push back arose because his mom has not worked in years while his step-dad was making enough to support the family. My family and I had discussed paying for the rehearsal dinner, but it became about family pride and insulting his family over saying that we’ll pay for it. For us, it became the most heated discussion throughout the wedding process. Also, she didn’t seem very interested in even the rehearsal dinner planning. We gave her tons of information about it, but heard nothing from her. When my MIL’s level of disinterest rose throughout the planning, I took over the rehearsal dinner planning altogether and got invites, printed them, etc. I was afraid who she planned to invite to this and if real invitations would go out. In the end, she received a retroactive disability check which paid for the dinner. I like to say that the government paid for our rehearsal dinner. Either way, we had many a fight over what his parents would pay for in our wedding. I didn’t think that we were asking or expecting too much with this one event, but apparently it was. So, I understand what a touchy subject it is. Find some way to have a discussion with them about it like going through the planning and the budget and slip the rehearsal dinner in there as a line item.
Post # 8
i think “traditionally” they pay for the rehearsal dinner – i’ve heard of them also paying for the honeymoon – but i think that depends on the family (my sister had hers paid for by her father in law) Darling Husband and I paid for our own honeymoon yet his parents still payed for the rehearsal while my parents paid for the wedding.