(Closed) Future in-laws are too traditional?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
6823 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Technically they don’t have to pay a thing in this day and age.  It all depends on what they would like to pay. Yes traditionally the grooms parents paid for the rehersal dinner. Never heard of them paying for the honeymoon.

Both of our parents are helping us out where they can.  We are paying the majority of it though. 

Post # 4
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Traditionally those are the things they would pay for. However, I think it should be determined by your ILs what they are going to contribute. Maybe you and your Fiance could sit down with them and figure out exactly what they could help with. Maybe its a specific thing they can contribute towards or maybe they can just contribute a sum of money. Remember that they dont have to give you anything though it would be nice for them to do so.

Post # 5
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

I know there is a lot of “etiquette” and people will say different things are expected, but I am feeling more and more that today’s “rules” are totally different – when a couple gets engaged, the expectations of paying for something are totally up to the couple and their families.  Some bride’s family’s will cover the whole cost, some none at all.  Some groom’s family’s will cover part of the cost – plates for their guests, flowers and music, rehersal dinner, or none at all…etc.  I agree with PitBulLover that it is really up to each contributer what they would like to pay for, if anything.  It is something that is fluid and up to those involved!

That being said, although I don’t think there is anything your ILs “should” be paying for, if you would like/expect them to contribute, I would talk this over with your fiance and communicate these expectations to them.  Honesty is the best way to go!

Post # 7
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@FallBride2B: I understand where you’re coming from with this. My parents paid for our wedding (church, reception, dress, etc.). When the wedding was discussed, we got a lot of push back from my Mother-In-Law about the rehearsal dinner and getting her to do basic stuff like guest list. The rehearsal dinner was the only thing that we wanted them to pay for. The push back arose because his mom has not worked in years while his step-dad was making enough to support the family. My family and I had discussed paying for the rehearsal dinner, but it became about family pride and insulting his family over saying that we’ll pay for it. For us, it became the most heated discussion throughout the wedding process. Also, she didn’t seem very interested in even the rehearsal dinner planning. We gave her tons of information about it, but heard nothing from her. When my MIL’s level of disinterest rose throughout the planning, I took over the rehearsal dinner planning altogether and got invites, printed them, etc. I was afraid who she planned to invite to this and if real invitations would go out. In the end, she received a retroactive disability check which paid for the dinner. I like to say that the government paid for our rehearsal dinner. Either way, we had many a fight over what his parents would pay for in our wedding. I didn’t think that we were asking or expecting too much with this one event, but apparently it was. So, I understand what a touchy subject it is. Find some way to have a discussion with them about it like going through the planning and the budget and slip the rehearsal dinner in there as a line item.  

Post # 8
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

i think “traditionally” they pay for the rehearsal dinner – i’ve heard of them also paying for the honeymoon – but i think that depends on the family (my sister had hers paid for by her father in law) Darling Husband and I paid for our own honeymoon yet his parents still payed for the rehearsal while my parents paid for the wedding.

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