Post # 17
I think the bribery aspect…and the aspect that the wedding is only 2 months out is pretty underhanded. So what happens if you choose not to sign one? Is the wedding off? Are your FIs parents going to object? Did his parents JUST NOW decide they wanted him to have a pre-nup or did they wait this long to try and “force” you to sign since it’s only 8 weeks until your wedding?
My advice…bring YOUR parents into the mix as well. It’s not fair that his parents are making demands and your family has no say. Get yourself a good lawyer and refuse to be intimidated into signing something you aren’t comfortable with. If there is going to be a pre-nup, it should protect BOTH of you…not just your Fiance.
Post # 18
I’m a big fan of pre-nups. Of course, I’m also a lawyer. 🙂 To me, they just make sense. When people refuse to sign a pre-nup because they “don’t believe in divorce” I think they’re making a very foolish mistake. Like another poster put very humorously above, divorces are not like elves, they are real things that happen to even those who least expect them. Nothing in life is absolute (except death and taxes of course), refusing to protect yourself out of some stubborn refusal to acknowledge that fact is very immature and illogical.
If you honestly believe you will never get divorced, then why refuse to sign a pre-nup? If you’re never going to get divorced it’s pretty much a non-issue then, isn’t it? Have a lawyer review it, sign it and forget about it. No harm, no foul.
And like someone else said above, make sure you put in the pre-nup that the bribery car goes to you as a “f you” to the in-laws. 😉
Post # 19
Ok, so if you agree to sign a pre-nup, do they want to have a say in what exactly the contract states???
I would draw a prenup that basically says that should you end up separating, you will divide assets according to the law (basically like not having a prenup at all), sign it and take the free car. 🙂
Whether or not you sign a prenup is not the biggest issue I see here, but it’s more about how much control will you allow people to have in your personal life? I think that they are stepping over the line, and if they have assets that they want to protect as others have implied, well they can simply adjust their own will – not try to control how you live your married life and would divide things if anything should happen.
Post # 20
Thank you all for your opinions. My future in-laws have been wanting a prenup for the past year that we’ve been engaged, but every time it’s been brought up only between my fiance and his parents. He’s stood by my side and my feelings on it. All I know about the inheritance is that his brother and he are to split everything 50/50.
Honestly, if I was cheated on we’d go to counselling we’d work through it. I don’t believe that divorce is an option for me. A prenup wouldn’t have helped my parents..lawyers got in the way. Claiming she wasn’t employable and a bunch of other crap.
Yes, I could just sign a silly sheet of paper, but it feels dirty to me. It would be great for us to become a two car family. It would make a lot of things easier, but I’d be going against my own feelings, morals, and beliefs.
Post # 21
I’m with Moose and Caszos, and most of the PPs that think you should be a bit more open to a prenup. His parents trying to bribe you both is lame though, of course.
Post # 22
Regarding the “not believing in divorce” debate: no one is questioning whether or not divorce exists like a mythical creature, for goodness’ sakes. Obviously it does. But people have the right to see divorce as something that is against their beliefs, i.e., something they don’t believe in. For me it’s partly religious — in the Bible, which I believe in, Christians are instructed to not end a marriage for any reason other than infidelity or if your spouse deserts you. I am personally opposed to divorce from a religious and moral standpoint. People also have the right to be morally opposed to a pre-nup.
OP, like you said, going through with this would be going against your morals and beliefs. Nothing is more important than your own personal values — they make you who you are. I’m not saying pre-nups are evil or not okay for anyone, but if it violates your beliefs, it’s not something you should do IMO.
Post # 23
Your religion itself contemplates divorce in the case of infidelity, so it doesn’t make sense to say you don’t believe in divorce from a religious standpoint.
Please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not judging you at all, your post was just a bit inconsistent.
As far as the “believing in divorce” comments, I don’t think anyone was making that claim the literal sense. People arguing against that position (or maybe just me) are asserting that there are no absolutes in life. No one gets married intending for it not to work out. If that were the case, why would you get married in the first place? Point being, sometimes things just happen. To make a claim such as “I don’t believe in divorce” indicates the person making that statement would not get a divorce under any circumstances, a claim I don’t think anyone can honestly make. Is divorce a last resort? Sure. But to say you it’s not even an option, no matter what the circumstances? That’s just not being realistic.
If you don’t feel the need for a pre-nup (in my case, my only assets are my two cats so it’s not necessary right now) that’s one thing. But if you have assets that need protection and you refuse to provide that protection based on an unrealistic belief, you are being fiscally irresponsible.
Post # 24
You know, even if things do happen that lead to divorce, a prenup is not always necessary. Depending on where you live, the law might be just enough. The laws are there to protect every citizen and are mostly fair, so I kinda have a problem with saying that a prenup is important if you want to be realistic.
As for Littlemissmango’s comment on not believing in divorce, it is not inconsistent. The Bible teaches that divorce is to be contemplated only in cases of adultery/abuse. It also teaches that you shall not commit adultery. If both partners abide by those rules and are true with their beliefs, the divorce will not happen. I do not see it as inconsistent.
To the OP – the best thing you can do is to decide with your Fiance and whatever you decide, both of you need to stick to it and show a united front.
Post # 25
@lezlers: I suppose you could assume that saying one doesn’t believe in divorce would imply that they do not believe in it under any circumstances, but I thought I made it pretty clear in my statement that I am opposed to divorce as my religion states — meaning without those two qualifying circumstances (infidelity or being deserted by your spouse). If either of those things happened to me, I would be free to divorce, but I still am opposed to it. As I mentioned, I didn’t say that it would not be an option for me, or anyone else who doesn’t believe in it, under any circumstances.
I definitely agree that no one gets married intending for it to not work out, and so for people to say that they don’t forsee a divorce happening as they enter into a new, happy marriage is kind of redundant. Yeah, of course you don’t see yourself divorcing the man you’re currently in love with. And I also agree that life doesn’t always go as planned, and that bad things happen to good people, and that marriages can fail regardless of what you believe. So for those who want to err on the side of caution when serious assets are on the line, a pre-nup might be in their best interest. I just don’t think that you should compromise your beliefs for it. Like egb pointed out, if you don’t have one, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re screwed if you end up in a divorce court.
In OP’s case, she feels morally opposed to both a divorce and a pre-nup, so for her I don’t think it’s appropriate to bend to the will of the overbearing parents in this situation.