(Closed) Future In Laws = Ridiculous (really long but just need a place to vent)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hi Kangaroo,

Yikes, sounds sticky. I can see how it will be hard to bite your tongue but like you said it is the best thing to do. The sad part is that your Fi is learning about this side of his mother at such a momentous time in his life. Very disappointing! 

 

Good Luck! 

Post # 4
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

How strange.  The good thing is that you know it’s not your fight.  I hope they can get this straightened out.  I sounds like other than recently, she’s had a good relationship with him.  So I’m thinking something is just eating her.  Whether she’s nervous about the family changing or seeing less of him, who knows. Or could she just have been upset that the sister asked them to babysit, instead of really wanting them to just be there?  It seems like a lot of aggravation about the practicality of bringing the little girl, was thrown around by his mom.

Sometimes too I think the groom’s family can feel overshadowed.  They don’t usually pay for it.  They don’t know how many people is OK to invite. etc.  I don’t know.  It will all work out in the end.

Good luck.

Post # 5
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

Is this typical of Future Mother-In-Law or is she dealing with some other issues here?  If Fiance has always known her to be supportive and loving, then it seems odd that she would just act out all of a sudden for no good reason.

Post # 6
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

You are not in a pleasant situation and I am sure your Fiance is not looking forward to tonight. My (unsolicited) advice (which I think you already know): be supportive of him, keep your mouth shut if there is a fight and let him vent after. I also would advise not to bad-mouth his parents because, as Tanya said, it sounds like they have had a good relatioship before and some day, it will probably be that way again and you won’t want your words to come back and bite you!

Good luck tonight!

Post # 7
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

{{{Hive Hugs!!}}}  Just try not to be the one to start the argument!  Don’t mention the shower or anything and try to keep the conversation light!

Post # 8
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

What a crummy situation to find yourself in the middle of… I hope Passover goes well, and no matter what, just being there and supporting your Fiance is the important thing right now!

Post # 9
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

I’m so sorry that you and your Fiance have to go through this! I wish I could give you a huge hug right now!

Good luck tonight! I hope all goes well, and just be there to support your Fiance. I’m sending good thoughts your way and hopefully the holiday will bring opportunity to smooth things over rather than letting things erupt 

Post # 10
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

I commend you for biting your tongue and letting your fi handle this.  I know from experience that this is the best (and only, IMO) real option when dealing with difficult future inlaws.  All you can do is support your fi, explain to him that you don’t hate his parents now (even if you kinda do ;)), and try not to be too hurt by their actions. As the others said, maybe she has some other issues going on.  Could your fi ask his sisters if there is anything else bothering his mom?  Who knows, maybe she had an idea of a traditional ladies only shower and was put off but the more modern theme the sisters planned.  You said she made a comment about bringing a 3 yr old to a bar, as though it would be a horrible thing… I know when we casually mentioned that maybe my fi should stay for the shower my Future Mother-In-Law is throwing for me out of state, she was adamantly against it.  We didn’t push, because it wasn’t a big deal, just a thought we had, but we were both surprised at what a major prob she had with the idea!  If you never figure it out, don’t worry about it!  Just attribute it to parental general wedding nuttiness!

Post # 11
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

This is such a riduculous situation, and a devastating one for your fiance.  You’ve been put in an untenable situation and I sympathize with your plight.  As the PPs mentioned, you’re wise to accept this is not your battle.  All you can do is support your fiance and hear him out as he needs to vent.  Try to remember, it’s a mitzvah to drink 4 cups of wine at the seder!  It may be the only thing that gets you through the night!

Post # 12
Member
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

You are going down the right path, letting your Fiance talk about this situation first…and if they start to get into it, I would suggest you just removing yourself from the room, I know this would be hard b/c you want to support your Fiance, but this is something you don’t want to be caught in the middle of right before your wedding.

This is def a sucky situation, but to shine a little light on a positive note, your FI’s parents did take care of the 3 year old so that your FI’s sister could join, so at least they played somewhat of a supportive role, otherwise they would of just told her to hire a sitter. And I understand your fustration about her not wanting to bring a 3 year old to the bar, but perhaps she felt that your other family & friends would be thinking "I can’t belive this lady brought a kid to a bar" (regardless of it not being smoky, I think some people would still look down upon this.) And perhaps your FI’s sister didn’t want her daughter there, so maybe it wasn’t FMIL’s call?

Perhaps your Fiance could ask his mom these questions and would help ease your minds and help ya’ll understand why she didn’t come. Tell your Fiance to be calm, and I agree with the above poster…drink some wine first to ease the tension. Good Luck!  

Post # 14
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

Thanks for updating us Ms. Kangaroo! I hope the situation works itself out and your Future Mother-In-Law understands what she did hurt your Fiance. Glad there were no major blowups at dinner though!

Post # 15
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Thanks for the update! Glad things went "ok" and there were no blow-ups last night. And good luck in the future with dealing with this issue!

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