Future Inlaws

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Honestly,  I’d continue like you’re doing and refusing to engage with them.  Only be around them if they’re bing appropriate. Justbdont let their issues drag you and fi down. I think it’s fine to not let people babysit and honestly,  they’d probably never even notice,  especially if they aren’t local.  Fi and I already know we aren’t letting his mother or brother ever watch any future children or pets. We aren’t making a big deal about it, but it’s definitely a decision we already made 

Post # 3
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

missybalduina :  OH MY GOD i’m sorry. Thank the Lord you have a good head on your shoulders AND  a good man who can also smell the sh*t they’re both cooking. I hope it gets better.

I’m a type A personality and I like things a certain way in my own home that I pay for. When someone comes into my home and proceeds to tell me how to run my home, I don’t take kindly to it. And if someone is ungrateful to me for hosting them and doesn’t clean up after themselves, that I also do not take kindly to.

The fact that everytime we go visit the FSIl she apparently thinks it’s acceptable to literally leave S smears in the toilet and bathroom smelling like mold…I hate visiting there. I don’t expect things to be clean to my level but for Christs sake people have you heard of a toilet brush and bleach??? AHHHHH!!! Their poor parents literally slept on two separate blow up twins and sleeping bags when they went to visit and they can WELL AFFORD a bed for them. end rant. 

Post # 4
Member
2713 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

You’re absolutely right in saying no.  Stand your ground and don’t give in.  You and your fiancé are on the right path – keep doing what you’re doing.

Post # 6
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

missybalduina :  oh absolutely and if they lived closer and they were disabled, I would either pay someone to go help clean or do it myself. To me, it is unacceptable to literally never scrub your shower or toilet especially when people are coming over- family or not! The germs!! OY!!

Post # 7
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

My best advice is to stay strong and continue with setting firm boundaries. I would also suggest that you study up on Bipolar Disorder… for YOUR own sanity. The more you learn about her illness, the less offended you will be. I’m not saying that she has an excuse or a free pass to act the way she is acting but, when you know more about it, you can spot patterns etc. without becoming as offended. The moment you said that, I was done. I have family members with the disorder and I dated a guy who had it… I have to deal with my family and those family members are doing their part by going to therapy and taking their meds but, I would never date another bipolar guy ever again if I was single.

I don’t care how old his sister is (even though I an curious), there is no excuse to go through life with a severe, untreated disorder such as Bipolar. It effects everyone’s lives, not just theirs. If she continues to go unchecked and lash out publically like she is doing, you both have every right to exclude her from your lives without guilt until she grows up and seeks treatment… because clearly, going untreated isn’t working for her OR you and your Fiance. She cannot help being bipolar, but she CAN take responsibility for her illness and take medication. It sounds like she uses her illness as an excuse to treat people poorly and her parents enable her and her actions. I think mothers of ill or disabled children become very protective of them and it sometimes gets to a point where they can do no wrong. My Future Mother-In-Law is the same way with my FI’s sister. She’s very protective because she is disabled and, she allows her to say rude things to people without consequence. I think that’s probably what you are seeing with your Future Mother-In-Law too… extreme, protective, enabling behavior. Don’t put up with it. 

I have found that research helps in these situations. I don’t have mentally ill Future In-Laws but, I do not care for my Future Mother-In-Law at all. Maybe that will change but I have a feeling that it will get worse once we get married. I have been researching personality types lately and although she hasn’t taken a test, I’m pretty sure I have pegged her personality type and have been studying her. I have found that her personality type and mine naturally clash. I have been researching ways on how to deal with her, what to say and what not to say, how to handle myself with her … you know, what makes her “tick”… and it’s all been very helpful… not for her for ME! My issues with her make sense now and even though she still offends me quite a bit and although that probably will NEVER change because we’re just too different, I know why that is and in some weird way, it’s helpful. 

Good luck!

 

 

Post # 8
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It sounds like your Fiance isn’t taking their BS either. So that’s good! As long as Fiance won’t put up with it, you should be *okay*

Its a crapshoot when you introduce kids though. SIL sounds like a piece of work. Oh my god 

Post # 10
Member
775 posts
Busy bee

 

missybalduina :  “In all fairness though, she referred to me as “his friend” and scarcely spoke to me, even though we were visiting them.”

This has been my Mother-In-Law. Ex-MIL now. haha! Love the sound of that. laughing 

Anyway, your Mother-In-Law and SIL are quite similar to mine in nature. However, my ex-hole hubby was not good at keeping the peace at all. I also was a bit scared and had that ‘I must respect my elders’ attitude towards my ILs for a LONG TIME. So I did not stand up for myself even in many, MANY situations where they insulted me flat out! I hate myself for that now. 

Sounds like your Fiance has some balls so just stand your ground strongly! Keep the riff-raff out!

Post # 11
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

missybalduina :  

You need justnomil on reddit. The people there all have cluster b or addict parents and it sounds like your Mother-In-Law and SIL are alcoholics.

The most important thing you do is document the abuse and don’t engage with it. Don’t talk to Mother-In-Law without Darling Husband or alone, ever. Dont invite SIL as a bridesmaid. You are right, they will be a holy terror when you get married, which is why I invite you to justnomil to see what it’s like after and to learn tips. The key with dealing with these people is to drop the rope. They very clearly hate you for exisiting, so don’t engage at all. Don’t feed the troll. It’s only going to get worse.

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