- 3 years ago
Hello, fellow bees! I am currently in the midst of planning my wedding (I say that, but my lovely granny is doing most of the planning). This is going to be more of a rant than a question. I first met my fiancé’s family, who live in the U.S. northwest, last summer. I also met his grandparents from another English speaking country, who stayed with his parents that month over the summer as well. His grandparents and father were all wonderful people. I want this to be semi-anonymous to avoid causing any drama, should someone be trolling this site. I honestly don’t know what to think of his mother and his older sister (27) who lives at home was a holy terror. She is the kind of person who only “has fun” when she is drinking.
While I was there the sister was openly hostile towards me. I did make an effort to say good morning and acknowledge or greet her when seeing her. We went to a resort (fiancé insisted we get our own room, I was grateful, his mother was not) and at dinner she kept calling me sweetie in the most grating way, so I asked her “please don’t call me sweetie” and left it at that. She proceeded to drink a whole bottle of wine a sulk and cry about everything for the rest of dinner. Well the next morning, fiancé and I wake up to her screaming at her mother, in their resort room (we could hear it across the hallway) and it went on for a while. Turns out she blocked me on Facebook (which is fine) and made several really rude Facebook post and Instagram posts (I had a gf save these for me from her phone, just in case I need them).
After this she just ups her attitude and tone, so I ignore her and do not engage, until the dinner before we left. We were sitting across the table from each other and I was speaking with future Father-In-Law. She interrupts us to describe something and asks for an I.D. and I tell her I cannot give this information without a specimen or a REALLY good image, and she should find one, so I can help her. She proceeded to make a face at my fiancé and he looks at me. Having enough, I look at her and ask “Why do you dislike me?” She smacks the table a precedes to say all these untrue things like I never said hello to her etc, even though she was the one who IGNORED every greeting from the moment I got there. I told her “That’s nice” because I realized at that moment she was just jealous her brother would rather be with me than drink with her. She later proceeds to ask fiancé to go out for drinks and he says, that he and I should be going ‘home’.
When we announced our engagement on the phone several months later his mother was very dismissive and his sister lost her temper and demanded I “be nice” to her. Since the call Mother-In-Law has posted several very abrasive and slightly rude comments on my Facebook posts, something she did not do until we announced it. Fiancé thinks she was mad he did not tell her we were talking about it, because it was a surprise. In all fairness though, she referred to me as “his friend” and scarcely spoke to me, even though we were visiting them.
Recently my future Mother-In-Law called my fiancé because his sister refused to come to the wedding unless she is the maid of honor and she wants him to convince me to include SIL or beg her to come. Fiancé said he wants her to come but he will not beg her, nor will he ask that I make her the maid of honor. His mom asked and tried to guilt me and I told her I will not be bullied into doing what they want.
I feel like saying no is important, because if I give in now what will happen when I have children? They will not be around my SIL until she gets medical/mental help and I will not leave them alone with my Mother-In-Law (although she could if she visited us) because I cannot trust her to not let SIL be near them. Future SIL is unpredictable, she has an untreated bipolar disorder and constantly tells lies. We will also be staying in a nearby hotel room or with his friends when we visit again if SIL is still living there. I cannot do the cold Mother-In-Law, awful SIL, and annoying large dog (110+ibs), that was untrained.
Thank you, for reading my rant. I would love to hear your similar (or very different unpleasant) experiences, as well as read any comments or advice.