(Closed) Future MIL Advice?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Weddings bring out the worst in people. If I were in your situation I would wait a day or two for all parties to calm down and then I would ask my Fiance to call his mother and handle it.

Post # 4
19 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

My “blow up” just happened today.  I have no idea what to do.  It is good that your fiance is there with you.  Please keep me updated on your story.  I hope things get better for you. 

Post # 5
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s really good that your Fiance supports you in this.  It souds like she is having problems with her own marriage and that would naturally make her stress out about her son’s marriage; she doesn’t want him to go through what she is going through.  I think you should step back and look at that blowup as not being about you.  It’s not.  She’s using you as a scapegoat for all of her stress and problems.

She should not have talked to you like that, absolutely she should have never written you an email like that.  But I think the thing to do is to calmly respond that you love her son and that you want to make him happy; say that you never intended to take her money and that you both decided as a couple to accept her offer as a generous gift and had you known it upset her so much then you never would have accepted because you absolutely do not want her to feel like you don’t appreciate her.  If you respond calmly, without aggression, but firmly so that it’s clear that you appreciate her honesty but have nothing to apologize for, she really can’t say that you’re too bossy and that you want to take advantage of her.

I’m not at all saying that she’s right, but I am saying that people can interpret the same thing in very different ways.  It is a known thing that two people looking at the same picture will take it in entirely different ways; for instance, a child looking at a picture of an adult with furrowed brows will say the adult is angry, an adult will say the picture shows someone who is worried.  Perhaps because of the problems in her own life, she is misinterpreting you and honestly believes that you’re being rude and insulting.  As long as your fiance knows that you’re not (and it sounds like he knows you’re not) I think it’s safe to ask her why she thinks you feel that way and assure her that you aren’t intentionally insulting her or being rude or shooting her dirty looks; if there is a miscommunication going on, I think that you can have a real relationship with her if you take the initiative to sort it out and make it clear that you want a real relationship with her.

Post # 7
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ugh. I totally know what you’re going through and I hate saying to give in to crazy demands, but in this case, it might be worth just dropping it and letting her friend’s daughter come.

I’m sure her friend’s daughter will feel awkward as heck going to a wedding where she knows no one with her parents, so in the end, you’ll be enjoying your party while this girl is almost 95% likely going to be miserable. Your future Mother-In-Law probably didn’t think about it as she probably assumes she is being a gracious host letting her friend’s daughter come. But if it were me, I would not be going to a wedding thrown by someone I don’t even know.

Post # 8
134 posts
Blushing bee

Keep passing it over to your Fiance to handle.  cc your Future Mother-In-Law so if he doesn’t respond, she can’t blame you.

She’s making it a control game and is trying to get you to engage with her.  Drop the rope.

Post # 9
40 posts
  • Wedding: May 2007

You probably don’t want to hear this, but just let the stupid girl come.  You are only 1 month away.  If you have space and the $$, it’s not going to be a big deal.  You probably won’t even know she’s there, and it would go over as a huge favor to his mom, so you can maybe work in that she ‘owes you one.’ 

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