(Closed) Future MIL conveniently "forgot" agreed financial contribution!!

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
2870 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Can you cut costs anywhere else? I’d look into your budget and see what you could get rid of.

Post # 3
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

You should never spend money unless you have it in hand.

Time to make some cuts.  Have your Fiance tell his Mom that since she is no longer conributing then you can no longer invite all 60 of her guests and that you will be cutting her guest list down to 30.  If you still need to cut costs, cut favors, downsize your flower order, buy less expensive wedding party gifts, change up your menu, etc.

Post # 4
11527 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Where is your Fiance in this? 


Post # 5
5028 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

Sounds like its time to decrease your MIL’s guest list from 60 to 30 down to 15.

Post # 7
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

aecollins91:  Dont invite any of her guests unless you are close to them also.

Post # 8
1112 posts
Bumble bee

aecollins91:  Unfortunatly you really shouldn’t count on anyone’s money to pay for your wedding. Contributions from family should be considered extra – for this exact reason. 

I would do 2 things – first, ask her if she is still interested in contributing, and how much she would be comfortable with. Then figure out from that number how large her guest list should be. For example, if you are paying $100 a head, and she only wants to contribute $2500, then that is 25 people. Be firm on this. Cutting the guest list is the easiest way to cut down on costs. Don’t forget the costs of invitations, favours, floral arrangements per table, etc. in your per person cost. 

Second, I would figure out how much of a gap you will have in the budget after she cuts down her guest list. You and your Fiance are responsible for making up the difference. So you have a few months to cut your daily budget, re-arrange some things with the wedding, and save the difference.

Post # 9
848 posts
Busy bee

I’m in sort of this situation.. what if her guests already received save the dates? 

Post # 12
1112 posts
Bumble bee

aecollins91:  Sorry I was under the impression that the 60 people in her guest list were only friends when you said this – So she gave me a list of 60 of her friends that she wanted to invite.

If family members are included in that 60, you and your Fiance should cover them. That’s his family, not your MIL’s guest list. Her friends are the ones that should be reduced.

Or was the 30 family members you mentioned not included in the original 60? If she is contributing anything to the wedding, she should be allowed to invite a few friends (dependant on her contribution).


Post # 13
4534 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

aecollins91: Im confused…you are having a 200 person wedding and you have given your Mother-In-Law only 30 invites for her friends and and FIs family. How many does your family get?? and how many friends are you guys having? I am with a pp you should try and cover the cost of FIs family members as well as yours.  the cut in contribution from Mother-In-Law should equal to how many friends she can invite.

Post # 15
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

If she isn’t paying then I don’t think she can make any demands over guest lists. I know it goes against the grain of the bee but I think unless someone is covering the cost of their guests then they don’t get to invite them. The only people allowed to dictate the guests are those paying for them. Even if they are family they obviously aren’t important family to your Fiance because they aren’t on his list (so im assuming they are more distant relatives, if grandma Is in there I will change my mind) 

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