(Closed) Future MIL conveniently "forgot" agreed financial contribution!!

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Lesson learned here – never count on anyonesl else’s money unless you have it in hand! My father mentioned contributing to the wedding when I got engaged, but he hasn’t actually given me any money – Fiance and I are not including this money in our budget, it will just be extra if he does.

You haven’t sent out invites yet so I would see if you can cut down your guest list, spend less on flowers/decor, cut out favours?

Post # 17
Member
13700 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is exactly why you don’t agree to money without the check in hand.  I’d tell your Mother-In-Law that you aren’t able to invite all of her guests due to budget constraints.  Obviously you need to cover family and close family friends, but her friends that you haven’t met may be on the chopping block.  Have your Fiance and her sit down and have a calm discussion.  Good thing you didn’t send save the dates yet!

Post # 18
Member
4533 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

aecollins91:  it makes much more sense… It sounded like it wasn’t very evenly distributed by your other posts.  I would just cut down the number of friends she is allowed to invite to make it equal to the number of family on your side. But if you can cover her contribution and invite everyone she wants I just would.  it will make your relationship and marriage with the in-laws easier in the future and sometimes that is worth the money spent. I would also look at where you can cut the budget without it having too much effect on your day.

Post # 19
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Something like this happened to me. We had two family members who said they would contribute certain amounts when we started planning. One person gave us their full contribution up front. The other started paying me in installments but either forgot or ran out of money before they paid what they said they would. I had a slight feeling from the beginning that this would happen, so I budgeted with cash I had in-hand. When an installment came in, I added a few people to the guestlist or added flowers, etc. I never said a thing to her about it. In your case, if the only place to cut costs is to cut guests, I would just politely tell her that you had to cut the guest list due to budget contraints and for her to update her guest list with the number of guests you can afford. Good luck!

Post # 20
Member
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I know I flow against the grain here a lot, and against etiquette but…

 

You didn’t tell her she can invite guests.  You would have never agreed to that, with your budget!

Post # 21
Member
3870 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

aecollins91:  Well, if she is not going to contribute what she promised, I don’t see why she gets any extra guests? Just because your family has more invites does not mean she needs to fill your wedding up with people she knows. My wedding was split 90/10 with my family versus DH’s family simply because he isn’t close to a vast majority of his family and only speaks to his immediate family every now and again as is. 

DH’s dad offered us $5k for our wedding and about three months prior, renegged on the offer. It was a crushing blow for sure and many of our decor had to be completely scrapped down to the bare minimum, we canceled our honeymoon, and we had to put in a big chunk of our savings to cover what we still owed. Ultimately, my fault for letting it get three months before the wedding before I pushed the subject. However, if that had happened and my Father-In-Law STILL tried to ask for special demands–Hell to the no. Eff that noise. 

Post # 22
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee

My fiancé and I made a family and friends list and then asked our parents to review and let us know who they think we should add. This worked pretty well, my parents requested six more family members and his requested about 12 friends but their family is smaller. I think it helped not to set a tone that the actually got their own guest lists to add.

You are sending invites. Set family aside and looking only at her friends force the cuts, use either people you actually know, or her very best friends she sees often as your guides. If she wont make cuts have your fiancé do it, he can tell her you are only inviting so and so bc those are the only ones he is close to.

Post # 23
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

who has 60 friends?! Lol 

Post # 24
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Magnolia House

I have had that happen to me several times so far and I am trying my best to make it all work. We did cut out things like a videographer and cut the flowers down (We have lots of babies breathe now!) And I am trying really hard to cut my guest list….Good luck!

Star116062:  I thought that at first too but my goodness they add up quick. I had to go back and cut my list and it is hard, especially if you go to a large church you can get 60 people real quick. 

 

Post # 25
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

nikkiibee:  Girl, I just howled at that. +1

Post # 26
Member
1198 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

this is YOUR wedding. If she is not contributing financially, she does not get any say in this. I agree with the idea of letting her invite as many people as she can afford to pay for. After all, you have enough expenses as it is without having to pay for a bunch of strangers

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