Post # 1
My fiance and I have planned for a while now that our ideal wedding would be to elope privately just the two of us and have a nice honeymoon, rather than spending money on wedding stuff and instead for a furture house. The other part of our choice is that we are both the black sheep of our families, we aren’t close to anyone or ever included in family events on either side and really only speak with our parents. When we told his mother we were eloping she was fine with it, however, the next day he gets a phone call going on and on about after she called all her friends up that they all want us to have a party, that we need to get photos done, send announcements all of that, which we have zero interest in. She even offered to pay for a party (which wouldn’t be much at all, they can’t afford it). Through our whole relationship she also had done nothing but talk trash on me and try to cause issues in our relationship so we have no idea where this excitement/party planning is coming from. We are both very introverted and don’t like social events or being the center of attention, this whole thing would be all about her. What is a good way to state that we will not be doing this, in a tactful way to not cause more issues?
Post # 2
Just tell her look, we decided what is best for us, thank you for offering to throw a party, but we really only want to celebrate with just the two of us. As long as your SO stands by you, that’s all you need to say.
Post # 3
“Thank you for the suggestion, we’ve decided to stick to our original plan.”
There may be issues. She may be unhappy with your choice and she may be vocal about her unhappiness. You don’t owe her a party, especially if she can’t afford it. It’s your choice to make and you have a lot of good reasons for making it.
Post # 5
jmelw3 : “Thank you for wanting to help us put by doing (xyz) but we have everything taken care of.” If / she presses further “I really appreciate the thought but we just want this to involve the two of us. We aren’t interested in a party, announcements, and have the photo situation taken care of.” If / when she presses further, have your future husband talk to her politely but firmly because shes clearly ignoring your wishes at this point.
My Future Mother-In-Law pretty much spoiled the surprise of engagement by making it clear my SO told her the intention to propose and by having him show her the ring. Then she started planning our wedding BEFORE HE EVEN PROPOSED. I told her multiple times to stop talking about it and became furious when she went cake tasting and tried to buy decorations. My SO had to talk to her to shut her up. Once he proposes, I know itll be like letting a wild dog out of her cage and we’ll have to constantly keep her contained while wedding planning.
Post # 6
Personally, I think that a simple “no, thank you” will suffice. If she keeps pushing, “MiL, thank you for the offer, but we are not changing our plans to make you happy. If you keep pushing, we will be cutting off contact”. I made the mistake of letting my MiL bully me, and I’m paying for it now.