(Closed) Future MIL had meltdown over online RSVPs

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 18
Member
6556 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

A meltdown is an overreaction. However, as a hostess, you should want to make it as easy as possible for your guests to RSVP. Easy for them, not easy for you. If your FMIL’s side of the family prefers to send a card back, then forcing them into an online rsvp is not the right thing to do. There is no reason you can’t add a paper-based RSVP for guests who are more likely to prefer it.

Post # 19
Member
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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Horseradish :  you always say things so nicely and clearly. 

Post # 20
Member
3274 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I personally don’t reply to wedding invites electronically because I think it’s such an important occasion and deserves some TLC. That, and most of my family wouldn’t be able to. Perhaps I’m just old. Could it be an option to do both… either online or traditionally?

Post # 21
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: USA

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happilyinlove98 :  You and your fiance have set the boundaries. It is her responsibility to deal with her feelings about those boundaries. Just keep doing what you’re doing, it sounds like you’re handling the situation really well. Be polite but continue to be firm.

Post # 22
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

What a drama queen *rolls eyes*

Newsflash, all that paper stuff that people send for their weddings? 90% of it gets thrown away or thrown in a keepsakes box, to be reminisced about once every 10 years. Not worth it In My Humble Opinion. If she wants a printed one for a keepsake she can PRINT one out herself 😛 

I sent digital STDs and I will be sending physical invites only to appease my older guests or those that want something as a keepsake (again, you keep invitations, not RSVPs!) but we are doing 100% digital RSVPs. I’m actually collecting addresses digitally through my STDs so win win win for me lol

This cut my costs to about $125 for invites and $50 for postage. I never calculated how much it would be for STDs, paper RSVPs and postage for those, enclosure cards, and envelopes for all of that, but I am sure it would have been at least double, if not triple what I am paying now. I can afford more appetizers for my cocktail hour now, which everyone can enjoy, so… 😛

If they are embarrassed by non paper RSVPs there’s a very simple solution: Get over it or boycott the wedding due to your imagined “rudeness”. Pick one. 

If I were you I wouold legit stop having discussions with her. There’s no reason to, especially if she’s not going to be supportive. Do what you do and if she has an issue with it she can voice her opinion, that doesn’t mean it’s a discussion. One person can’t argue, it takes 2, and the 2nd party turns it into a discussion or an argument by responding. So don’t do that. You said she’s paying for catering, so she gets to have an opinion on that, not the whole shindig. 

Post # 23
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Speaking from experience 😬😬 let her throw her tantrum and stay firm on what you want.  She’ll get over it.  And if she doesn’t, tough. 

Post # 24
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

Nothing says irony quite like pitching a foot stamping drama queen meltdown because proper etiquette/ manners* are not being adhered to. 

* I put an asterisk above because I truly think online rsvps are fine- but Mother-In-Law is insisting they’re not in the name of tradition/ etiquette/ manners etc (yet sees nothing amiss in her own rude behaviour in insisting on correct behaviour.)

Post # 25
Member
3656 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Stand firm in your decision. She seems like the type to make demands through the entire process if you cave on this. This is about her exerting control and keeping up appearances with “her” people. She doesn’t care at all about what you and your Fiance want. She had her wedding to do her way, this is yours to do your way.

Post # 26
Member
4932 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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happilyinlove98 :  A lot of people are not tech savvy. Maybe your Mother-In-Law knows her crowd. Tantrums are not on but maybe the message is an important one for her. Can you not just include an RSVP card with the option to do both?? I get your point totally but weddings are one day and its  important to assess whether this really worth having a strained relationship with the in-laws over. 

 

Post # 27
Member
1187 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

A meltdown over something so small makes me think that there are bigger isssues currently lying under the surface. Beware, bee…

Post # 29
Member
9924 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

As someone is who is very traditional when it comes to formal events and etiquette and traditions, I see where your Mother-In-Law is coming from.  That being said, I think her reaction was a bit extreme, but that if you also live your life in a less than traditional manner, you’re going to have issues going forward.  This sounds like something you need to have an adult conversation about. 

FWIW, my personal perspective is that online RSVPs are easier for you, but are definitely not for me.  I forget to pull out my computer to respond.  It’s just an extra step for me, versus checking a box and dropping a card in the mail.  I see why your Mother-In-Law reacted the way she did, even though I think her choice of reaction was a bit dramatic. 

Post # 30
Member
13667 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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happilyinlove98 :  I didn’t assume it was an online invitation, in fact I didn’t think it was. I was giving the additional information for context. 

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