(Closed) Future MIL had meltdown over online RSVPs

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
Member
9220 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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happilyinlove98 :  RSVP cards aren’t even truly traditional. If she wants to be old school and fancy about it once upon a time guests could be relied upon to grab their own stationary, write a response to the invitation, and mail it. Having an online RSVP does not stop anyone from writing back and calling on the telephone if they don’t want to use the computer.

Post # 32
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

If you’re sending paper invites then I dont get her issue… If people don’t want to or cant respond online then they will respond by letter or call or text…

You could send out invites with rsvp cards and youdy probably end up with people rsvping in a different way. It seems pointless to have to add cards in for ‘her’ people

Post # 33
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6554 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

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happilyinlove98 :  it’s never strange to give people a choice and let them pick whatever works best for them.  Don’t over-think this. You’d just need one extra insert card, either for everyone or just those that might not be into technology. A simple sentence gets the job done. “RSVP by post to Whatever Address, or online at AmazingWeddingWebsite.com.” No one will think it’s disjointed. They’ll just think “oh, I can rsvp online or I can mail this card.”

Post # 34
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13660 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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LilliV :  That’s true. Reply cards or crutches of any kind were presumed to be offensive in the implication that guests are too rude to reply on their own. 

But since standard protocol is for guests to reply in the form of the invitation, if you’re intent on “helping” it would follow that a written response would be preferred, at least by people who know about these things. 

Post # 35
Member
1702 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Just write a note with your phone number on the bottom for anyone over age 65 or who you think may not be familiar with computers.

Post # 36
Member
1898 posts
Buzzing bee

Mother-In-Law was out of line by throwing a temper tantrum. That said, online RSVP’s are against traditional etiquette. Whether they are actually rude or not, I don’t know. But they are against etiquette.

Your Mother-In-Law is funding a big chunk of the day by paying for all the catering. If you’re relying on her financial contribution, I think it is wrong of you to do something that embarrasses her. If she’s traditional and her crowd is traditional, they may view online RSVP’s as totally tacky. Even though it doesn’t offend YOU, it clearly bothers her.  And since she’s paying, she gets a say. 

Why not just say ‘hmm okay, the response cards can be sent to your guests. Which guests need one? Would you mind collecting them for us?’. It can’t be much money, compared to what she’s spending on your catering.

 

Post # 37
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

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happilyinlove98 :  We did an online rsvp, but did include RSVP cards with our invites. Our RSVP by date is not until March 1st, and so far we have had 70 online RSVPs and 12 RSVP cards. We have had plenty of Baby Boomer plus age group people in the online RSVP category. I included an insert with instructions on how to RSVP online.

I think your Future Mother-In-Law is being very dramatic and all the baby boomers we invited are totally on board with the online RSVP. What if you include an insert with directions on how to RSVP online, and give older people the option to email/text/call their RSVP? Would that make her happy?

Post # 38
Member
3085 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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happilyinlove98 :  Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. And when you can’t ignore anymore, just politely stand your ground.

Post # 39
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Bar Harbor Inn

I think she’s right to have the concern. Acting like a child over it is wrong but I online only RSVP can be difficult. My parents don’t even have internet service.

Post # 42
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

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happilyinlove98 :  Our invites included the invite, the RSVP card, and an insert with information on how to RSVP online, hotel and transportation. We did a postcard RSVP and did pay put postage on all of them. Our RSVP card was a standard RSVP card, but on the bottom, we put a line where we encouraged people to RSVP online at our website.

Our insert gave people instructions on exactly how to RSVP, including the password to our website. Our older guests actually followed the directions on the insert exactly, our younger guests texted us for the password lol. We are just putting in the RSVPs for the people who sent the card in on our online RSVP ourselves as they come in.

My Future Father-In-Law is much older than the typical father of the groom, he will be almost 91 when we get married. So, we do have some much older guests. Were it not for that, we probably would have done all online RSVPs. And honestly, my 67 year old dad followed directions exactly and had NO problems .

If you are looking for a compromise with you Future Mother-In-Law, could you do RSVP cards with all the information on how to RSVP online. Like food options, website etc. Then send the in laws guests an additional stamped envelope, so they can send their RSVPs back physically? Or a more detailed explanation on RSVPing online on an insert, with directions to call/email/text if they have a difficulty with the rsvp?

*just a heads up, if I had to do it all over again, include the password on the RSVP or invite if you don’t do RSVP cards, and include if it is case sensitive *

ETA: I just ate the postage costs! I could not be bothered to worry about the $30.

Post # 43
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m kind of on the side of not inviting her people lol but then again I’m very petty in some ways.

Post # 44
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

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happilyinlove98 :  Hold your ground quietly and wait her out.   If your husband’s family has difficulty with online RSVPs perhaps they can phone in their replies?   I think most people will manage online, but some folks are not tech savvy.   Just wait quietly and let her work through her emotions on this, she will get over it in time.

Post # 45
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I will admit your Mother-In-Law is far worse than mine..

Our conversation went like this “Oh.. you aren’t doing RSVPS?” …no we are doing a website “well *FI’s Half Sister* didn’t go to a wedding once becasue the invitations were not proper with RSVP cards and they did an online website instead” so my Fiance says “well then she doesn’t have to come” and that was that… 

 

Stick to your guns. 

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