(Closed) Future MIL had meltdown over online RSVPs

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 46
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

We did online RSVP combined with a super traditional invitation. What I did is follow this format, and then at the bottom right added the website info. It’s great because R.s.v.p. is at the bottom left so it kinda suggests that the website is relevant to RSVPing but technically it’s not really saying that, it’s just like “you should RSVP, oh and by the way here’s our website”

Post # 48
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Saw you posted future Mother-In-Law meltdown and just had to say: don’t worry! You are not alone! My future Mother-In-Law had a meltdown when she found out we are having our wedding ceremony outside. Hang in there!

Post # 50
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2018

We share the same Mother-In-Law. I just score one in our fight. I hate to say this but I’m more relieved to see I’m not the only one finding Mother-In-Law unbelievable ridiculous and starts to fight back.

Post # 51
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
happilyinlove98 :  

My Future Mother-In-Law flipped when I mentioned I was planning a 1920s themed wedding. She initally started thinking feathers! She got upset when I told her I wanted something else with cake like donuts or macaroons (my family is not a big cake person and I’m not sure how that will go down). We are doing cookies for favors. She basically told me she hated any of my ideas for decor. I love the clean look of the three tiered vases. Then she decided to tell my fiance we need to do a plus one to any single people. Our head count is already at our cap. Thankfully I’m not alone with mother in laws going crazy.

The 1920s meltdown has initially gone away. But to make something funny about this situation I am having one feather pen for the guest book. I’m a very humerous person in general so we will all get a kick and might even annoy Future Mother-In-Law a bit :). 

Post # 52
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee

The whole “online rsvp” will be lost to the older generation, so I can see why she’s worried. She should have handled it differently, but I think you should be accommodating to a generation who wasn’t raised with computers. Yes it’s YOUR day, but courtesy never goes out of style.

Post # 53
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

We did both online and regular paper RSVPs. I knew our parents would react the same way if it was only online. We probably got half of the mailed ones back and the other half did online. Is this really worth a battle and having a bad relatioship with your future MIL? I don’t think so. Not worth it. Just do the regular rsvps for her. 

Post # 54
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee

We’re doing a very relaxed wedding, I’m not even doing save the dates, we just let the people who needed to know that this was the date. Everyone already knew the plan so not a big deal at all. Our invitations are a single card invite and we’re doing online only RSVPs. The only person I expect to have an issue is my grandma, who doesn’t even have a cell phone. She will probably call me up to tell me she’s not coming. That or she’ll send a letter or a card. We talked about it and her response was well we didn’t have RSVPs. People either called or sent a note, why waste your money on a card, stamps and envelopes when I can just call you. 

RSVP cards never used to be the norm, neither did save the dates.

Post # 55
Member
1185 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It’s definitely a know-your-crowd situation. I was a bit worried about doing an online-only RSVP but we saved so much money by not having an insert, plus the postage was cheaper. And actually the baby boomers are the ones who are now retired and spend all their time on Facebook, so they were the first to RSVP and had no trouble with the website. In fact, DH’s grandparents left us comments on the website complaining that there wasn’t a meat option for the farewell breakfast (we hadn’t figured out the brunch yet, his parents were organizing it and didn’t know the area well enough to plan 6 months in advance).

I think the “well it’s not traditional etiquette” folks are a bit ridiculous, frankly. I’m sure a lot of wedding things these days aren’t “traditional” but so what? That said, the purpose of etiquette is to make your guests more comfortable (NOT to do things because they’ve always been done a certain way lol). So if your Mother-In-Law knows for sure that her people will be unable to RSVP online, then I would tell her, in emininently reasonable and mild tones, that you appreciate her letting you know, that of course you want to make it easy for your guests to get the information they need and respond to you, and that next time she has a concern you hope she’ll talk to you sooner so she doesn’t experience so much stress. “Oh my goodness, I hate to see you so flustered! Of course we will work to accommodate your side if they have special needs.” But I’m kind of petty that way.

Post # 56
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
mrsptobe2017 :  oh this I like this response to Mother-In-Law. 

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